Need help. M8 in a pickle with his ex, not allowing him to see his kid.

MrKeeno · 3 Sep 2011 at 23:55

Lo guys

No idea where to start with this tbh. A guy at work is well and truly stuck between a rock and a hard place atm. Really decent fella that is in as an agency worker but puts most of the permanent guys to shame. Trying to do the best for his kid but has split up with the GF. As far as I can tell it was a bad split, he was allowed to see the kid 2 days a week but now he has been cut off

What the hell can this guy do? He doesn't say much about it but I get the feeling he is a bit out of his depth with this. Has no family for support, they all live in england. I have told him to see a solicitor but just wondering if there is anything else he can do 1st.

Any help or advice would be appreciated.

BTW forget about trying to talk as adults and all that, he has tried that.

Marine Iguana · 3 Sep 2011 at 23:56

Plant drugs on her.

MrKeeno · 4 Sep 2011 at 00:00

Going to take the **** do it in another thread please. Looking for some proper advice here.

Redmint · 4 Sep 2011 at 00:00

Not a lot he can do really, if she's going to play it that way going through a child custody case is about the only option, the sooner he can sort out getting a solicitor the better.

Tummy · 4 Sep 2011 at 00:00

Kill her.

Just see a solicitor about his rights, is he named on the birth certificate?

Marine Iguana · 4 Sep 2011 at 00:02

busman said:
Going to take the **** do it in another thread please. Looking for some proper advice here.

Was proper advice

MrKeeno · 4 Sep 2011 at 00:03

Tummy said:
Kill her.

Just see a solicitor about his rights, is he named on the birth certificate?

Im not sure if he is tbh, things over here are sketchy at times to say the least. I hope he is, would make things a lot easier.

Any other dads on the forum went through this?

Tummy · 4 Sep 2011 at 00:04

I'm not an expert but I'd imagine being named on the birth certificate might make things easier.

Just talk to a solicitor about it, better then any advice you'll find on here I'd imagine

MrKeeno · 4 Sep 2011 at 00:08

Haha, think I might have to take him to a solicitor myself. Get the feeling he is going to let it get the better of him. All well and good when you have friends and family about you to encourage you but he doesnt have that.

Will give him a shout tomorrow and see what he thinks.

Sin_Chase · 4 Sep 2011 at 00:10

How about - Don't get involved?

MrKeeno · 4 Sep 2011 at 00:11

Sin_Chase said:
How about - Don't get involved?

Have many friends do you?

Tummy · 4 Sep 2011 at 00:14

I think it's a sensible bit of advice, it's nothing to do with you. Offer him a bit of support, take him out for a drink, be a friend to him, a shoulder to lean on but he really should contact a solicitor.

cheets64 · 4 Sep 2011 at 00:17

In reality...nothing, she has all the power, he can try and go through the right channels but it will take time and even money, CSA are a waste of space!

Best thing he can do is put money into an account every month and prove to the kid and right people when the time comes that he did provide and wanted to see the child! If you was a kid at 18 and your dad gave you x amount of money and every month for 18 years he put money away, would speak louder than words, you see this idiots on tv saying they want to see their kids but spend all the money on themselves.

Castiel · 4 Sep 2011 at 00:18

The only thing he can do is consult a solicitor or a mediator. I am not sure how it works in Ireland, but he should go to social services and ask to speak to a family councillor who will be able to act as a mediator between his ex and himself so arrangements can be made that benefits the welfare of the child.

It is a nasty situation that will be painful and difficult, so the sooner he gets help either through mediation or the law the better.

MrKeeno · 4 Sep 2011 at 00:21

I do appreciate the comments guys but this is a really nasty split. I can see the kid being poisoned towards him.

As for the whole staying out of it part, im not really getting involved. Just looking to point him in a direction that could help. Not like im going to swing a baseball bat at other halfs head

I though there might be mediation services for this sort of thing?

Sin_Chase · 4 Sep 2011 at 00:23

busman said:
Have many friends do you?

None

Point is, if he wants to see his kid he will man up and sort it out. If he is kicking his heels about it in a sorrowful mope then he is not all that interested, is he?

He does not need you to hold his hand and from reading your post you are assuming rather a lot.

He doesn't say much about it but I get the feeling he is a bit out of his depth with this

You get the feeling? Okay then...

Are you trying to be the answer to a question that was never asked? The image in my mind is of the vigilante justice seeker fighting a non-cause fabricated from someone else's issues, the sort of 'friend' you see on Jeremy Kyle shouting at the bad guys on behalf of someone else, who is just as bad.

MrKeeno · 4 Sep 2011 at 00:29

Sin_Chase said:
None

Point is, if he wants to see his kid he will man up and sort it out. If he is kicking his heels about it in a sorrowful mope then he is not all that interested, is he?

He does not need you to hold his hand and from reading your post you are assuming rather a lot.

You get the feeling? Okay then...

If only all men where as manly as you

Look im trying to do a guy a favour. I may be assuming rather a lot but when you see a guy go from a happy chappy to someone that can hardly look at you without swelling up I feel the need to help out. To say he isnt interested is a joke.

Sin_Chase · 4 Sep 2011 at 00:31

It's nothing about being manly and everything to do with making a decision. If he takes issue with not being able to see his kid then he will do something about it.

How do you honestly expect to help? You can lead a horse to water but...

He knows what he needs to do, it is up to him to do it. You cannot do anything about the latter.

MrKeeno · 4 Sep 2011 at 00:37

Look I know that, and im sure he has considered some of the options but he is broken up atm. Im just trying to give him some options and maybe help him if he needs it.

I was hoping someone on here might have been through a similar situation and could offer advice.

Castiel · 4 Sep 2011 at 00:37

Sin_Chase said:
None

Point is, if he wants to see his kid he will man up and sort it out. If he is kicking his heels about it in a sorrowful mope then he is not all that interested, is he?

He does not need you to hold his hand and from reading your post you are assuming rather a lot.

If only it were that simple, people react to things in different ways. He is probably very lonely, depressed and doesn't really know what to do or how to go about doing it. He could well be worried that whatever he does do will only make matters worse and hurt his relationship with his child and their mother even further.

He obviously has little or no support structure and Busman is concerned about someone and so he should be.

Telling him to butt out and the other guy to man up is unhelpful and infantile.