Need help with a moral dilemma...

dirtychinchilla · 28 Aug 2025 at 19:26

I'm the product manager for a product at work. I'm being moved shortly to a different product as the commercial manager with the intent that I'd be having a relatively clean break.

There is currently only one person I could consider to replace me, but a) I don't think he's a good fit and b) he has privately told me that at the end of October, he plans to go travelling for 6-12 months, so he's off.

I've stated to my boss and HR that he is not a good fit for the job. However, they've been trying to get me to agree to it and may have spoken to him about it (getting an update on that next week).

I can come up with some reasons why he's not a good fit, plus he doesn't actually want the job, and he's not detail orientated in the way I think he would need to be.

What I really need is for them to advertise for a replacement.

How would you guys play this? Telling the boss and HR is not an option - I respect his privacy.

dirtychinchilla · 28 Aug 2025 at 19:30

throwaway4372 said:
Focus on the new product. The old product isn't your problem anymore.

That's not possible

dirtychinchilla · 28 Aug 2025 at 19:31

throwaway4372 said:
Why - it sounds like that's what your boss expects you to do - move with a clean break.

It just isn't. There's no benefit to me explaining it, but it's a small company

dirtychinchilla · 28 Aug 2025 at 19:33

Rob_B said:
you tried, they didn't listen. let them offer him the job then it's out of your hands.

I did think about doing that. I'm worried he'd accept it because he's not made any real plans yet, and then will just leave and I'll be stuck trying to onboard someone without him

dirtychinchilla · 28 Aug 2025 at 19:35

BUDFORCE said:
Do both jobs then, watch as your family starts distance themselves from you, eventually leading towards divorce, then your company goes south anyway and you are left with nothing.

Or......

Do this.

It would never get that bad, fortunately

dirtychinchilla · 28 Aug 2025 at 19:36

Tetras said:
I guess that's the "I told you so" moment, maybe they'll listen to you next time.

I guess I should ensure that it doesn't seem like I've known this whole time

dirtychinchilla · 28 Aug 2025 at 19:44

Rob_B said:
I'm assuming by your initial post that you can't straight out ask him right now if he'd accept & or would let you/him tell them that he's off?
If so then you either tell them or you don't.

Suggest they open it externally, that'll buy some time. If they do want to offer it to him and he accepts then leaves that's not on you. Seems you'd then be given the work to train someone new but that's a question for you if you think they'd just dump it on you or actually help, if they'd just dump extra work on you then I don't really know what to say, you know your job/workplace the best so what's the worst case scenario?

He'd expressed to me previously that he didn't want the job. I asked him again today and he still wasn't interested. He has to tell them that he's off, but it will obviously lead to him giving his notice, which he really needs to do later.

I suppose he leaves under all circumstances. I have asked him to double down on the training with our graduates so they can still run projects with minimal input from me. Frankly, I think this means that I'll have to continue as PM until they hire someone else.

dirtychinchilla · 28 Aug 2025 at 19:45

Thekwango said:
just an aside, is there any risk this chap takes the job then throws you under the bus when he leaves (even if unintentionally) by telling the bosses you knew he was planning to go travelling? is that something you need to consider?

Maybe. I think I can trust him though - I've been respecting his privacy this whole time. HR would support me on that. But yeah, worth considering

dirtychinchilla · 28 Aug 2025 at 19:47

adidan said:
Tell him to tell them he doesn't want it?

He's off at the end of October? How much notice does he have to give because the boss will have to find out sooner or later.

I think a month. I will ask him to do that regardless. I'll find out from HR next week what was actually discussed. He told me he basically said nothing about wanting the job to them. Of course, he has to be circumspect with the in case they suspect him of wanting to leave

dirtychinchilla · 2 Sep 2025 at 13:21

ivrytwr3 said:
I doubt his priority is making sure the workplace he is leaving is going to be ok - unless he wants a reference or wants to come back?

What did the OP decide in the end?

Some good replies in this thread, mostly very much appreciated. I have a meeting with HR on Thursday about the guy anyway. I plan to make it very clear that I don't think he's a suitable replacement and that we need to begin recruitment ASAP.

This guy never wanted my job anyway and I don't think his skill set is appropriate. I think the only reason they want to shoehorn him in is because it's easier that way.

dirtychinchilla · 2 Sep 2025 at 13:46

Fair point. But I want them to hire someone before he leaves so we can get on with training them up.

dirtychinchilla · 2 Sep 2025 at 14:07

mattyfez said:
If he doesnt want the job he can just refuse it?

Or is your worry he'll take the job and then bounce, leaving you in the **** if its a small company?

Has he been approached about the new job (aside from your off the record chats?)

I think they'll try to convince him to the point where he might just accept it for an easy life. But yeah, you're absolutely right - I'm worried he'd take the job, then leave, and then I'll be stuck having to find a replacement and do his work in the mean time.

He has been approached, yeah.

dirtychinchilla · 2 Sep 2025 at 16:01

mattyfez said:
I think that's the dilemma though... If it's a small company and they hire a lemon (or his colleague who isn't really invested in the roll)..
At best the OP will be lumped with overseeing the new hire aswell as getting his new product up to speed.

And possibly if it goes really **** up with the old product it could hurt the company, and therefore the OPs job security?

My job security is OK, btu the rest is bang on

dirtychinchilla · 4 Sep 2025 at 11:49

I think we're good. I had a meeting with HR today and they were happy with my assessment that a) he doesn't want the job and b) he's not suitable for the job. It's being advertised internally in the next couple of weeks and will then also be advertised externally - just need to get a job description together.

Phew. Now I just have to wait for him to leave and have to deal with that dilemma...