Need some advice...

Yeah we made sure he got home properly, although we weren't in the best state ever.

Thanks guys, I would post maybe one picture but photobucket doesn't work on my iPhone, and I'm not putting another persons name on here after last time :D
 
Oh this hasn't helped...

His flatmate just told me he has been crying... :(

I've been talking to her, and we really don't know what to do about it short of lack of contact for a while. It's hard to think straight this morning :rolleyes:
 
Shayper said:
Oh this hasn't helped...

His flatmate just told me he has been crying... :(

I've been talking to her, and we really don't know what to do about it short of lack of contact for a while. It's hard to think straight this morning :rolleyes:
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thal be the alcohol, he'l be right in a few days, in fact he'l be ashamed that he cried and will 'man-up' about the whole situation
 
If you've been honest with him (and I've no reason to suspect you haven't been) then why should you have to cut contact with the young lady? He can't help his feelings towards her much but equally she can't reciprocate when she doesn't feel the same way. I'd suggest you try and be sensitive about it but it doesn't seem fair to expect you to put your life and potential relationship on hold just because he's got a crush on someone who doesn't feel the same way.

However you know the guy and I don't so my advice may be worth nothing. I have been in a vaguely similar situation and I don't think the friendship was ever quite the same again but that couldn't really be helped.
 
semi-pro waster said:
Aren't these sentiments somewhat contradictory - don't worry about your friend and expect the friend not to forgive you for something that isn't really your fault?

Sometimes people just don't fancy each other, it's not anyones fault and it doesn't say anything much about either party as a person except they're not attracted for whatever reason.

Shayper: I think you did the right thing in telling him although as with lots of things if you'd had free choice a night out might not have been the ideal time/place to tell him. I hope your mate is alright as it's a pretty crushing thing to have happen but you did try to make sure he was ok so that ought to count for something with him.
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How is it contradictory? What I'm saying is, from your POV don't worry about him, from his POV, he'll be ****ed at you
 
semi-pro waster said:
If you've been honest with him (and I've no reason to suspect you haven't been) then why should you have to cut contact with the young lady? He can't help his feelings towards her much but equally she can't reciprocate when she doesn't feel the same way. I'd suggest you try and be sensitive about it but it doesn't seem fair to expect you to put your life and potential relationship on hold just because he's got a crush on someone who doesn't feel the same way.

However you know the guy and I don't so my advice may be worth nothing. I have been in a vaguely similar situation and I don't think the friendship was ever quite the same again but that couldn't really be helped.
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I meant lack of contact between her and him. He does need to clear his head, but he isn't going to be able to do that if he keeps seeing her with me (we usually hang around in quite a large friendship group). But then that probably isn't the answer is it would ruin the friendship group for other people which isn't fair. I've been asking for advice from my friends as well, and getting mixed replies from saying "you're a ****" (mostly jokingly) to "it wasn't your fault, so let him sort it out"

Thanks a lot for the replies guys :)
 
You were right to tell him, you really should have told him sooner as he no doubt feels you betrayed him. He'll get over her. Whether or not he remains your friend hangs in the balance though.
 
Shayper said:
I meant lack of contact between her and him. He does need to clear his head, but he isn't going to be able to do that if he keeps seeing her with me (we usually hang around in quite a large friendship group). But then that probably isn't the answer is it would ruin the friendship group for other people which isn't fair. I've been asking for advice from my friends as well, and getting mixed replies from saying "you're a ****" (mostly jokingly) to "it wasn't your fault, so let him sort it out"

Thanks a lot for the replies guys :)
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Ah I see, in that case I'd obviously suggest you don't flaunt the relationship around him and give him a bit of time to come to terms with things. Sounds like it's going to be a bit awkward for a while whatever happens unfortunately but try not to rush into any decisions that you can't easily undo.

Jay794 said:
How is it contradictory? What I'm saying is, from your POV don't worry about him, from his POV, he'll be ****ed at you
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Maybe it was the way I read it but I'd be (rightly) annoyed if a mate said "screw your feelings" and completely ignored them but if it was for circumstances outside their control then I'd be foolish to hold a grudge against them provided they were honest with me.
 
Shayper you need to sing this to your friend.


"Dry your eyes mate
I know it's hard to take but her mind has been made up
There's plenty more fish in the sea.
Dry your eyes mate I know you want to make her see how much this pain hurts
But you've got to walk away now, it's over."

This may not go down well ;)
 
Did he tell you he fancied her ages ago? Or is it just recently.

He may think you have kinda betrayed him a bit. e.g. if he tells you his feelings for this girl months ahead and then you get in there without as so much as a "howdy doody!" :D

As long as you both arent attacheed to the hip in his face he should be fine. Also im sure she has friends. Hook one of them up with this dude.
 
Its a tricky one that dude!
Always complicated when two friends like the same girl!
Are you like very very close friends?? if so then I would have said something a long time ago otherwise, tell him just get on with it!
I dont see why people "fall" in love with a girl and then get told they are not interested then continue to follow it up, just move on and find something else!
 
I don't know how men usually sort these things, but wait a couple of days, then turn up at his with some manly films, some beer, and say you are sorry, get a little drunk together, share your feelings, say that you are sorry for going behind his back but you do like this girl, but you won't flaunt it in his face and then explain how you don't want it to get in between you as friends and then have a manly hug
 
cainer said:
i think she must have led him on a little
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You think wrong. She never made it out to be any more than friends.

R0Z4G said:
well yeah sounds like it! another evil thing that women choose to do!
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See above. Not the case, besides, she is one of the nicest people I know, so there is no chance she would have done anything else but tell him the truth.

He did actually tell me that he liked her a month ago, yes, we are quite close friends. Me and him have only really known this girl for about 2 months but me and her have really clicked together.

The story might not sound finished, but that's because there was an event that night that I'm not proud of, can't mention on a family forum, and me and this girl are still feeling the effects of now. Basically, we weren't drunk but didn't need to be, if you get my meaning. And we were both stupid to do it.
 
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