OcUK Dadsnet thread

[Devrij]

Any expectant dad's here?
Ours is due in around 6 weeks. Starting to do baby shopping now.... What do your lists look like?

8 weeks away for me. Getting most things ready just now but getting more nervous by the day.

Loads of sleep suits, loads of nappies, loads of baby wipes and a moses basket. We made a changing station out of a chest of draws (nappies, clothes and wipes in the draws, changing mat on top) and it has been very useful.

Other than that, the only thing we found handy was a feeding pillow (like a giant version of those ones you put around your neck on an airplane). I got crazy bad shoulder pain from holding my daughter for those long feeds at first, so it was a godsend to be able to rest her on something and free up a hand. Anything that prepares a feed quickly is worth the money (if you aren't going the boob route).

By the time the first month rolls around you'll be a pro and know what you need and don't need so just plan for the first few weeks.

PS: cook up some meals to freeze or buy some frozen stuff for the first week back. Coming home from hospital and having to cook is not a fun activity.

 

[Devrij]

Don't worry, my two girls did the same, albeit with their bums in the air, and they had no issues and still sleep the same to this day

Haha, alright that's good to hear. Ours isn't a fan of lying on her stomach yet. She just gets that way before she remembers that fact.

 

[Devrij]

Our son went through that phase. Kept rolling over and then remembering that he didn't like being on his tummy. Constantly rolling him over got old quickly.

And then he decided that he did like being on his tummy and has slept that way ever since.

Yep tell me about it. Last night she went down just before 8 and we thought we had the whole evening to chill. 30 mins later... Uuuugh, Uuuugh, uuuuuuugh, WAAAAAA! And that was us until 11. She often rolls over and gets a foot stuck in the bars of her cot too.

Gonna be giving her her first solid (well porridge) feed this weekend so wish me luck there. Any protips appreciated.

 

[Devrij]

Have you watched "Dexter"?

Make the dining room look like one of his killing rooms, food gets EVERYWHERE with first feeds!

Ha, yeah she likes to gently touch new things, and then slap the **** out of them so I'm anticipating some flying food

 

[Devrij]

Slight necro here but, how long did your labours take?
Waters broke last night at around 6pm, got sent home told to wait for contractions. Called them again after seeing some green and heavy contractions and told to come back in... Everything seems fine now, Just waiting around! Been here since 12.30
So how long did yours take from waters to baby?

About 6 days. We were sent for induction, and after three rounds of induction she was only just 2cm dilated, so they broke her waters in the hope that would allow her head to force the cervix open. No such luck and after a couple of worrying moments where our baby's heart rate would plummet (sat on cord or something) we eventually had a c section

 

[Devrij]

Just about to go for second examination. First one was painful, hoping this one is a bit better.... Man I'm glad I have a penis

My missus had loads of those, as well as the stretch and sweep which sounds bloody painful. We did have a really helpful dude doing it who explained how if she relaxed it wouldn't hurt as much (sounds obvious but he pointed out that the fact he could feel a particular muscle on her pelvis meant that no, she was not actually relaxed). Obviously easier said than done when you're being fisted by a stranger, but it helped her a bit.

 

[Devrij]

Baby arrived at 17:53 and thank God all is well.

What a relief!

Congrats mate!

 

[Devrij]

Thanks mate, you pretty much confirmed what I was thinking, but at the same time we both obviously want the best for the baby and don't want to expose it to any extra risks, but as you said, there's a lot worse out there!!

We did the same and our daughter hasn't died of any mysterious illness so it's fair to say it was okay. We picked up some adapters so it would slot into our pram which has been dead handy for short trips to town (just lift it straight off and into the car)


On a different subject, I think we might be making a rod for our own backs here because our girl has started waking up in the middle of the night crying and we've found it quite easy to just chuck her in between us and then bung her back in when she's asleep. I reckon she's starting to cry so she can come in with us now though.

 

[Devrij]

3 months yesterday and still don't mind being woken up in the morning by her and her cheeky grin. Still loving it, wonder how long this will last?

She has just started to properly laugh recently as well. And I'm talking proper cackles! Cracks me up everytime.

It lasts 10 months in now and I still feel the same. You keep getting new developments to surprise you. The other day my daughter woke up in bed next to me, gave me a big sleepy smile and started clapping and said "dada". I ******* melted.

My little one just turned 6 months. She's now developed a clingyness to her mum which is causing some serious headaches. There was a point a few weeks ago where her mum would put her down to go to the bathroom only for the spawn to start screaming immediately. Thankfully that phase seems to be passing and she's starting to get better with it all.

Unfortunately along with the clingyness, she's started to refuse bottles from me. I had a 2 and a half hour standoff with her yeaterday (which was the last thing I needed after a 15mile cross country MTB race). I sent her mum round a friends house just before 1530 and the little one screamed non stop untill 1800 when I had to fight for 20 minutes to give her a bottle to settle her for the night. Eventually she took the milk and went to sleep which gave me about an hour of peace a quiet before the wife came home.

I think its going to have to be a case of persisting until she gets through this phase

We've had this as well. Ours is terrible if my missus is in the room but thankfully if she leaves then she's fine with me.

 

[Devrij]

Are baby was due on the 9th, mrs is going in tomorrow morning to be induced. Finally going to meet my little man! We expected him to arrive on the 4th, how wrong was we lol.

Good luck, it can be slow going so I hope you brought a book!

 

[Devrij]

I can give a slightly different view of dad-hood i guess, perhaps slightly controversial however i wear my heart on my sleeve.

My first is a girl and she is 6, when we had her i couldn't wait and then the dawning of the crying and the horrors of what came for me just overwhelmed me. I hated it with a passion and i mean hated it, i absolutely couldn't bare to be around her when she cried and i wished and spoke openly a few times to my wife that i wish we could have just gone back to not having her. I swore i would never have another and i kept that feeling and still do to this day. The amount of effort and crying and down right depression i got from the first 2.5 years were enough to send me to drink and they have. However after about 3.5 years the person she became was a totally different experience and now that she is 6 she is perfect and to be without her would kill me, she is the most grown up bag of love i could never have expected. basically i cant handle the baby stage.

So last year after being pestered for around 4 years about having another i had to make a decision, my wife wanted another, i however did not. I expressed to her how much i really didnt want to go through it again and this went on for a while, i took advice from my parents and in the end i had a decision. Do i say no and make my daughter an only child and my wife probably forever resenting, or do i say yes and have hell on earth again for the next 3 years.

In the end i put my cards on the table and said yes, but i was firm that i needed more space with the baby side of it, and i just couldn't be as hands on this time. My wife agreed. Fast forward a bit and we have a 5 week old boy and all of the feeling have came back of how i was originally. My wife and I don't really communicate much, i have to take a back seat with him however i try and spend more time with my 6 year old, i do all of the school runs, i work, i do all of the house work and everything BUT the baby stuff. Its causing issues though and i really don't know where it will end we are in that marriage place that baby's cause, where you are quite separate.

There is my story

While my experience is different, I can definitely relate to the tension with the other half where you don't see each other as often and rarely do anything together, along with being absolutely shattered all the time. While it's bloody hard, it's important to remember they are going through it too when you talk about it. There are times at 3am when I have a screaming baby, a frustrated partner, and a big meeting miles away in the morning that it feels crap, but as someone else said: it's temporary. Stick with it and try to get a weekend away with your missus if you have family you can leave the kids with.

 

[Devrij]

Hi all,

Just thought I would finally touch base on this thread, me and my misses had the arrival of our lovely first born on the 20th Feb, we had a girl She was four days early but this was the result of the Mrs having to be induced (three scares of reduced movement throughout the last three months of the pregnancy). However, she was born naturally and perfect in every way.

Up to now it has been one heck of a learning curve and each day is getting easier, to be honest I was a bit of a bag of nerves for the first couple of days with handling her and being extra careful (having never really held a baby for long periods of time, nor on a constant basis before). However, that feeling soon disappeared and I always get stuck in as much as I can, especially as the Mrs had to have a couple of stitches down below, so she's had to really take it easy. Being a parent really is great, tiring perhaps but the great feeling stands out from everything else! I first just wanted to touch base on something...

Like all new parents, we have had a few turbulent nights' sleep since our little one has arrived due to the usual feed / nappy changes etc. but we have noticed on average that usually three nights in the week - say at around 02:00AM ish to have a feed / nappy change, she will still be very active and alert when it comes to getting her to settle down & fall asleep again, to the point where she gets' herself worked up, frustrated & cries for some reason, to the point where it won't be until a good couple of hours later before she settles down again (and again, time for another feed & nappy change usually!), after another feed at say like 04:30AM, she'll pretty much crash out or failing that, the Mrs will end up taking her downstairs to at least allow me to catch up on sleep and she'll fall asleep on top of my Mrs on the downstairs sofa. We both feel that she could be going through what they call a "growth spurt" - especially as she is now feeding on a lot more milk as the days go by (bottle fed), but at the same time from what I have read, it could be too soon as she is still only 9 days old and usually growth spurt in most babies do not occur until they are at least 2-3 weeks old?

Another factor that my sister in law (who has two young kids) pointed out a few days ago is that she could be too used to her downstairs basket / bed where she usually sleeps during the day time when she crashes out. Originally when we first got her home from the hospital on the same day she was born, we tried to settle her at night in a separate bed which is attached to the site of our bed and this is where the above problem started and it was on a nightly basis just about - and as my sister in law suggested, move her daytime bed upstairs (luckily it fits snug in the side baby bed), and to be fair this did help but the problem still persists every couple of nights on average. We're just trying to alleviate the problem as much as possible so she can get into a proper routine, and especially as I am returning to work again next Monday. If any of you guys / girls could shed some advise on this then that would be great

Thanks all - Liam.

Hi all,

Just thought I would finally touch base on this thread, me and my misses had the arrival of our lovely first born on the 20th Feb, we had a girl She was four days early but this was the result of the Mrs having to be induced (three scares of reduced movement throughout the last three months of the pregnancy). However, she was born naturally and perfect in every way.

Up to now it has been one heck of a learning curve and each day is getting easier, to be honest I was a bit of a bag of nerves for the first couple of days with handling her and being extra careful (having never really held a baby for long periods of time, nor on a constant basis before). However, that feeling soon disappeared and I always get stuck in as much as I can, especially as the Mrs had to have a couple of stitches down below, so she's had to really take it easy. Being a parent really is great, tiring perhaps but the great feeling stands out from everything else! I first just wanted to touch base on something...

Like all new parents, we have had a few turbulent nights' sleep since our little one has arrived due to the usual feed / nappy changes etc. but we have noticed on average that usually three nights in the week - say at around 02:00AM ish to have a feed / nappy change, she will still be very active and alert when it comes to getting her to settle down & fall asleep again, to the point where she gets' herself worked up, frustrated & cries for some reason, to the point where it won't be until a good couple of hours later before she settles down again (and again, time for another feed & nappy change usually!), after another feed at say like 04:30AM, she'll pretty much crash out or failing that, the Mrs will end up taking her downstairs to at least allow me to catch up on sleep and she'll fall asleep on top of my Mrs on the downstairs sofa. We both feel that she could be going through what they call a "growth spurt" - especially as she is now feeding on a lot more milk as the days go by (bottle fed), but at the same time from what I have read, it could be too soon as she is still only 9 days old and usually growth spurt in most babies do not occur until they are at least 2-3 weeks old?

Another factor that my sister in law (who has two young kids) pointed out a few days ago is that she could be too used to her downstairs basket / bed where she usually sleeps during the day time when she crashes out. Originally when we first got her home from the hospital on the same day she was born, we tried to settle her at night in a separate bed which is attached to the site of our bed and this is where the above problem started and it was on a nightly basis just about - and as my sister in law suggested, move her daytime bed upstairs (luckily it fits snug in the side baby bed), and to be fair this did help but the problem still persists every couple of nights on average. We're just trying to alleviate the problem as much as possible so she can get into a proper routine, and especially as I am returning to work again next Monday. If any of you guys / girls could shed some advise on this then that would be great

Thanks all - Liam.

As has been said, at this point just give them what they need. It's the old checklist routine: hungry? Wet? Tired? Cuddles? If they get over tired it can be tricky because they get all worked up when they just need some sleep.

Eventually they settle a bit and it gets less crazy, and the longer you have them the better you know what it is they need. You'll suss it, just go with the flow.


Unrelated: my daughter got her first pair of shoes today now that she's walking around a bit, and now she walks like a cat with selotape on its feet. It's hilarious. Obviously a bit of getting used to it needs to happen!

 

[Devrij]

So what items and devices have you all found a must have, I hear that perfect prep machine is very handy.
What not to get as well.

Generally speaking, a moses basket, loads of sleep suits, nappies and wipes, and muslin squares. Thats all must have stuff.

Stuff that has been handy: feeding pillow (imagine a bigger version of those neck pillows for airplanes that goes around your waist) was great for when she was very little. Now she's nearly one and the most useful thing is her little chariot (seat with wheels so she can run around Flintstones style) as it keeps her busy and safe so we can sit down for a few seconds. She's started walking now so we can't leave her for a second now!

Everyone says that monitors are a waste of time, and to an extent they kinda are because you'll hear your baby crying unless you live in a big house. On the flip side, if she is just fussing quietly I can run upstairs and stick a dummy in her mouth and she'll go back to sleep. By the time she is crying it's usually too late to get her back to sleep easily. So early detection is a plus imo.

 

[Devrij]

I think that's 2 of the worst things you can as your making a rod for your own back.

If they are just fussing quietly, leave them, they learn to nod off on their own then. if you go running in they are going to expect it every single time. As for dummies, or blankets, big no here. Trying to get them to leave them when they get older is a nightmare. I know of only one person that managed it without too much fuss, and that kid was 3 and she had to give her dummy up so Santa would visit. Every other parent I know has had a nightmare experience getting the weened off dummies.

Yeah I hear you guys. We don't give her a dummy during the day because we want her to start talking more. It's just a night time thing. Also, we don't go into the room unless she actually starts crying, but if you leave it until she gets worked up it tends to be a long night. It's just easier to keep her asleep rather than let her wake herself up crying.

 

[Devrij]

I think that is the thing a lot of new parents don't realise, all kids are different. My little lad sleeps through and we can sleep in until 10 some days because he's happy as larry playing in his cot. What works for one family may not work for another, hell, one worked for my daughter doesn't always work for my son.

I always tell new parents as well, when you're rocking them and think it's time to put them down, ALWAYS wait another 10 minutes Nothing is worse than putting them down, turning away, reaching the door and hearing that cry...

Quoted for truth. We do the arm test: if you lift an arm and it flops back down we are good to go. If it stays up or grabs you then quietly retreat until she's asleep enough to get into her cot. That 3ft down into the cot is the longest yard.

 

[Devrij]

I think it's time for me to join in this thread. Me and the Mrs are sat here impatiently waiting as she is 4 days overdue with our first child .

I'm now at the stage where I'm worrying about everything, mainly keeping a child alive and safe. I don't know if this feeling will ever leave now. I really can't wait to meet her.

We haven't really bought many baby gadgets as the sheer amount of people trying to give us stuff when their own kids are only 6 months old has made us realise they can't really be that useful.

Once you have that kid for a few days the whole "OMG I am responsible for another human life" thing disappears. It's easier than you'd imagine, but more tiring.

Accept all gifts with open arms!

 

[Devrij]

Congrats, it really is pretty awesome so I get it! Cute little girl you have there.

We chose a nice pair of shoes for our girl and spent £30 because it was her first pair and we thought we might keep them to show her when she was older. Next day our dog chewed them to pieces (which he never does). We were fuming! Was funny watching her walking around like a cat with selotape on its feet though!

 

[Devrij]

This is all in my future I'm sure, but like the others I agree with your stance. As long as you have a chat with her and make sure she understands that she can say no and insist on him wearing a condom every time (and the whole "just the tip" thing should be a no go) then you have at least shown mutual respect and trust and should hope to see that returned. Chances are they've been at it for the last year anyway

 

[Devrij]

So my daughter is nearly one, and she is running around like a nutter trying to get herself injured at any point she's awake. We've just moved into our new place which has wood flooring and she's already faceplanted into the wood and got a big lump on her head.

Question: where do you draw the line with regards to baby proofing? I've ordered some foam corner guards for the fireplace plinth, and we'll get a soft rug for downstairs, but I also recognise that she's gonna get some bruises on the path of life. It sucks when she really takes a hard dive, but I'm not getting her one of those baby helmets out of principle.

Have any of you guys done the baby proofing route and how far did you go with it?

 

[Devrij]

We've got stair gates at the top and bottom of the stairs and plug guards, apart from that her biggest obstacle is the massive daft lumbering dog that forgets she runs up behind him sometimes

Ha yeah our dog has steamrolled her once or twice when he heard my missus pick up his lead.

Cheers lads, will stick the corner guards on (stairgate is on, but we need another for top of stairs now she has an upstairs room) and just continue giving her a kiss and a cuddle when she clonks her head. I will say that life is a lot easier when you can leave them to potter about rather than having to remove them from dangerous situations every 5 seconds.

With regards to plug guards, aren't UK plugs safe anyway since they are closed unless the ground pin is in? We have empty sockets switched off anyway, but is it a serious risk (eg American plugs are crazy dangerous)