Old joke (but still funny)

Soldato
Joined
22 Oct 2002
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Location
Essex, innit?
A man escapes from a prison where he's been locked up for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money & guns. Inside, he finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed & ties him to a chair. While tying the homeowner's wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up & goes into the bathroom.

While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife: "Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He's probably spent a lot of time in jail & hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain.....do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!"

His wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he's gay, thinks you're cute, & asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you, too!"
 
shes only bitter because she was one of the many that posted it in the past (afew days ago was it SexyBetty? :p)
 
Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher
picked him to answer a question. "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting
on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left ?"
"None.",replied Johnny. "'cause the rest would fly away."
"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher. "But I like the way you are
thinking."
Little Johnny said, "I have a question for you now. If there were three
women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one licking her cone, the second
biting her cone, and the third one sucking her cone, which one is married?"
"Well," said the teacher nevously, "I guess the one sucking the cone?"
"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger. But
I like the way you are thinking."
 
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