Operation: Joke

Paddy & Murphy are working on a building site. Paddy says to Murphy 'Im gonna have the day off, Im gonna pretend Im mad!'

He climbs up the rafters , hangs upside down & shouts 'I'M A LIGHTBULB! I'M A LIGHTBULB!' Murphy watches in amazement!

The Foreman shouts 'Paddy you're mad, go home' So he leaves the site.

Murphy starts packing his kit up to leave as well.

'Where the hell are you going?' asks the Foreman.

'I cant work in the friggin dark! ' says Murphy.
 
Can't believe that nobody's put this one after the OP

How does a Blind Parachutists know when he's near the ground?



The Lead goes slack
 
A small boy is walking through the woods at night with his stepfather, and says "daddy, I'm scared"

"You're scared?" he says, "I have to walk back on my own!"
 
A bloke is walkin' down to his shed in the garden and all of a sudden notices the girl next door digging a rather large hole so he stops and askes. "Hello, What you digging that for?" She looks up and says "Well my goldfish has died and I'm just about to bury him." "Aww he says how sad.... but why are you digging such a big hole?"
"Because my goldfish is inside your ****ing Cat!"
 
What's brown and rhymes with Snoop? Dr.Dre

*edit*

Just noticed someone posted the same joke a few posts above. I fail :(
 
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Since we're on tasteless...


There were three prostitutes living together - a mother, daughter and grandmother. One night the daughter came home looking very down. "How did you get on tonight dear?" asked her mother.

"Not too good," replied the daughter. "I only got £20 for a blow job."

"Wow!" said the mother, "In my day we gave a blow job for 20 pence!"

"Good God!" said the Grandmother. "In my day we were just glad to get something warm in our stomachs!"​
 
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A little blind girl goes up to her mother and says, "Mummy, mummy, when will I be able to see?"

Her mother replies "I'll tell you what, I'll take you to the pharmacy and get you some special cream for your eyes and you will be able to see in the morning."

So off they went to the pharmacy, bought some cream, and went home, all the while the little girl was getting more and more excited at the prospect of being able to see again. Once they got home, the mother put the cream on the little girls eyes, wrapped a bandage around her head, and took her to bed.

The following morning the little girl stumbled into her mums bedroom and excitedly shouted "Quick mummy, take off the bandage so that i will be able to see again."

So the mother slowly took of all the bandages, taking her time, and all the while the little girl was getting more and more excited. Once they were off the little girl said "But mummy, I still can't see."



To which the mother replied, "April fool!"​
 
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