Pet hate: "Hi, how are you?" as an opener on work chat software

HangTime

HangTime

HangTime

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I realise this thread will make me sound a bit 'special' and I'm putting it here rather than in GD in the vain hope it will provoke slightly fewer 'hilarious' replies... :)

So for a while now, especially since working largely remotely I have got frustrated with the habit people have of messaging me on chat software and just stating a greeting, without any context of what the purpose of their communication is.

"Hello"
"Hi, how are you doing?"
etc

I know this is probably just seen by many as 'being polite' but it annoys me, perhaps more than it should. This is because:
  • I have no idea what they want from me
  • I feel compelled to write some drivel about my state of mind "I'm good thanks and you?" despite the fact I just injured myself / argued with the family / received some bad news that I don't want to discuss with them. And I have to invest in that without it adding any value since I don't know yet what the real reason for them reaching out to me is. I might have never spoken to them before so without sounding harsh, I really don't care that much how their day is going and I don't see that my state of mind is necessarily any of their business either.
  • I might not be in a position to reply straight away (often I will be in meetings). So I reply later, perhaps when they are busy. Another couple of hours go past. Then perhaps 4hrs after their original message I might find out the reason for their contact. Sometimes it might be the next day.
It's like people are treating unsolicited messages on chat software as something other than asynchronous conversation. If you phone me up, sure, ask me a question and get an answer within 5 second. But generally people don't just send an email or a voicemail saying "Hi how are you?" and wait for a response, which is effectively the equivalent of a opening message on Teams or whatever.

Am I alone in wishing people would just clearly state what they need in their opening message? Maybe it is deemed impersonal by some, but I'd find it a lot more efficient.

edit: as clarified during the replies, to be clear it's not so much being saying "Hi" that I have an issue with, just the saying "Hi" without any further info provided about the the purpose of the communication.
 
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I tend to agree.

I prefer "hi can I call you regarding X related work topic"

"hi can I ask you about X work topic."

The "how are you" piece flows more naturally when you're physically beside someone or on the phone rather than instant messaging.

To some it's a bit direct, but I prefer that way. I would argue it's more insincere in the teams environment as id wager a bit the person saying that on teams really doesn't give a **** how you're feeling but it would make more sense between friends than colleagues.
 
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I'm the same. I treat this with the same distain as "hope you're well" in emails. No you don't just get to the point and tell me what you want from me :o

I think I'm just getting grumpy in my old age.
 
I forgot to mention, my frustration is compounded if before I have a chance to reply, they follow up with another prompting message like "hello??". As if the sole purpose of my existence is sitting there looking at chat waiting to respond to questions. This seems more common with offshore people expecting me to be at their beck and call.

tom_e said:
I'm the same. I treat this with the same distain as "hope you're well" in emails. No you don't just get to the point and tell me what you want from me :o

I think I'm just getting grumpy in my old age.
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Most of the time in an email they at least tell me what they want after they've conveyed their hopes, so it's only a 5s delay in getting to the point, compared to the potentially many hours in chat messages :)
In other words emails tend to be much better constructed for async conversation.
 
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thewanted said:
I have this in my Slack profile and ignore them.

nohello.net

no hello

please don't say just hello in chat
nohello.net nohello.net
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Likewise, and have started ignoring anyone who messages with "Hello" without stating what they need.

People are starting to get it, and more often than not now I'll get a two liner explaining what is needed, when and the context (usually along with the "Hey, hope you're well" which I'm 100% cool with and will reply in kind).

Saves time and needless back and forth before getting to the point, just as polite and pleasant an exchange as before but a more efficient interaction all round.
 
An interesting topic that I suspect varies across different types of work. I try to tailor whether i'm starting with some 'polite small talk' or getting straight to the point depending on who i'm talking to.

Having been a fan of 'getting to the point', i've also overheard colleagues complain about others being rude for not engaging in a bit of small talk when striking up a conversation on Teams, so adjusted my own approach slightly.
 
Yeah that's why it's a bit of a minefield, what one person considers rude another considers more efficient. I think the hybrid approach of a pleasantry immediately followed by the ask is the best approach, personally, although I suppose it can come across as not particularly genuine.
 
Josh said:
I hate it also, I don't respond until they ask me for what they want.

I have people I've kept on "hey" for hours.
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I used to get the "hey" or hello at like 9:30am when I've been on night shift, they know I've been on night shift... then the "hello?!?" a few minutes later followed by trying to call me then another message/email saying it is important/urgent I get back to them... I'm asleep... usually something trivial/too lazy to do themselves.

Fortunately company has cracked down on the use of social media, etc. to contact people when not on shift.
 
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Yeah, I don't really understand the "Hi Andy" then nothing... it's like they don't know you can shift+enter and structure it all before you send it. There's one in particular that does this. I once didn't notice it and didn't reply anything, it just sat there until the next day... Usually I wait 5 mins expecting the actual point of the message, then I might reply with a "Hey, everything okay?"
 
Buffman said:
I tend to agree.

I prefer "hi can I call you regarding X related work topic"

"hi can I ask you about X work topic."

The "how are you" piece flows more naturally when you're physically beside someone or on the phone rather than instant messaging.

To some it's a bit direct, but I prefer that way. I would argue it's more insincere in the teams environment as id wager a bit the person saying that on teams really doesn't give a **** how you're feeling but it would make more sense between friends than colleagues.
Click to expand...

I prefer this approach, tell me upfront what you need. It also allows me to prepare ie do some research so i know the answer.

If i just get a "hello", i also don't really mind enough that it winds me up, i just reply, "all good, what can i do for you?". That puts it back in their court and i don't get involved in the small talk.
 
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Actually I think most people probably agree. I tend to ignore most people when they just say "Hello Bob". If it's urgent and they want me, they'll follow up with their question.
 
HangTime said:
I forgot to mention, my frustration is compounded if before I have a chance to reply, they follow up with another prompting message like "hello??". As if the sole purpose of my existence is sitting there looking at chat waiting to respond to questions. This seems more common with offshore people expecting me to be at their beck and call.
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Yeah, **** that. They would go into the stiff 'ignore' pile.
 
Tbh, I've never had that ("Hello...?") at work, I don't think anyone would dare be that rude. I get it on something like Facebook market place after like 5 mins of no reply, and then they just get blocked.
 
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