Shamelessly stolen but:
On Marks and Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating.
On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine: Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication.
On Nytol Sleep Aid: Warning: May cause drowsiness.
On Sainsbury's peanuts: Warning: Contains nuts.
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open packet, eat nuts
On a child's Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
On a Swedish chain saw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.
On a knife sharpener: Caution: knives are sharp.
On shin pads for cyclists: Shin guards cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover.
On a take away coffee cup: Caution: Hot beverages are hot.
Emergency safety procedures at a US summer camp: In case of flood, proceed uphill. In case of flash flood proceed uphill quickly.
In a microwave oven manual: Do not use for drying pets.
On the bottom of a cola bottle: Do not open here.
On a Harry Potter wizards broom: This broom does not actually fly.
On a box of aspirin: Do not take if allergic to aspirin.
On a muffin packet: Remove wrapper, open mouth, insert muffin, eat.
In a kettle instruction manual: The appliance is switched on by setting the 'ON/OFF' button to the 'ON' position.
On a bottle of rum: Open bottle before drinking.
On a can of air freshener: For use by trained personnel only.
On a bottle of baby lotion: Keep away from children.
On a 500-piece jigsaw puzzle: Some assembly required.
On a can of pepper spray used for self defense: May irritate eyes.
On a packet of cashew nut pieces: Warning: This product may contain residue of nuts.
Directions for mosquito repellant: Replacing battery: replace old battery with a new one.
On a birthday card for a one year old: Not suitable for children aged under 36 months or less.
On a blowtorch: Not used for drying hair.
On a mattress: Do not attempt to swallow.
Rub it on my head? Throw it at people?
