Police and the Advice
- Thread starter RaohNS
- Start date
I can understand paying the mortgage etc for you ex who is looking after your child. when i say looking after you know what i mean.
Having a bloke there is just taking the proverbial on so many levels.
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Associate
I'd move back in until you get things sorted. There's no way she should have another man there.
You could always move back in and initiate court proceedings for custody of your daughter, the courts would recommend an amicable solution usually meaning 50:50 custody, then bin your ex off out of the house once it's settled, she will then get social housing based on the need to house her daughter for 50% of the time. You're happy you get your house and get to see your daughter, your daughters happy as she gets to see the 2 of you on a regular basis, and who gives a monkeys about your ex.
Man of Honour
She's got the house, she's got the child, she's got a new man and she's got an assault charge recorded against you. Most importantly of all in legal terms, she has the "right" sex.
You've got the bills. Including those of your ex-wife's new man.
You're facing an uphill battle all the way. You're not going to come out well, but you might be able to reduce the harm done to you to some extent with good legal advice. Or you might just end up bankrupted by legal costs as well as losing your daughter.
You've got the bills. Including those of your ex-wife's new man.
You're facing an uphill battle all the way. You're not going to come out well, but you might be able to reduce the harm done to you to some extent with good legal advice. Or you might just end up bankrupted by legal costs as well as losing your daughter.
Soldato
Actually, I agree with this.
I'd honestly move back in and fight for my house and daughter, passive aggression is the key here I feel, otherwise you could lose everything.
Associate
hang on a tick, you get the house back on the 1st, so this must have been organised for a while? so u sensibly paid the ongoing bills..thats the right thing to do.
She is entitled to a sex life, bet you have one, was that why she went for the phone, to see who you have been ringing?texting?
Its always difficult to look into a couples marriage from only one salient point of view, but I wish you luck and decent access with your daughter. have you thought of mediation rather than use up all your joint money on legals?
mrs herbs
She is entitled to a sex life, bet you have one, was that why she went for the phone, to see who you have been ringing?texting?
Its always difficult to look into a couples marriage from only one salient point of view, but I wish you luck and decent access with your daughter. have you thought of mediation rather than use up all your joint money on legals?
mrs herbs
Associate
this
Many thanks trust me i intend to regardless of what the Sergeant says.
But nonetheless these comments have now cost me 4-5hrs of time i consider to be precious, whats more my wife is now insisting that she be there when i see her and i am not to take her out anywhere... thus this comment while as you say sympathy/humouring has had a profound effect on me!
If i pay the mortgage nobody stops there rent free for a night, i do have a say on that afterall... i pay the mortgage if i dont agree with someone stopping they dont and wont! Well people act in strange ways when they are put under threat, likewise being told i am not going to see my daughter because something a copper has dropped in a conversation to appease or break an uneasy atmosphere is and has cost me... you'd realise this yourself had this happened to you.
It would be difficult if i moved back in if i'm honest, as i've stated she moves out on 1st October to a new property, on this date i'm demanding the keys back to the property.
Luckily i have big shoulders, can deal with the uphill... coming out well isn't an option will be taking her to a small claims court for the loan and speaking to the bank tomorrow about getting it suspended pending legal proceedings. I wouldn't end up bankrupt i've got enough in the tank for that...
Its been going on for a month, i've stated or think i've stated that i've had no issue paying the mortgage whilst shes living there as i see it as the benefit to my daughter and some extents her. However i've waivered the loan on: 1st June, 1st July, 1st August and 1st September now and i just cant keep affording to do it.
I do have a sex life (the left hand), she went for the phone cause its the only bargaining tool she could have used against me given im more than twice her size. As stated going to see about getting the loan frozen...
Am cancelling the utility bills tomorrow.
Thanks again guys
PS Still no call from the Sergeant
***UPDATE***
Hi Guys,
Lots happened since!
Well i managed to call the Sergent RE: Original Complaint... i've been assured by the Sergeant that his staff wouldn't make this statement and cited several reasons, and to be honest as he was so helpful i've accepted his word.
Fast forward to Monday gone....
Go round to pick up my daughter to find my sister-in-law there, queue a big argument which resulted in me getting slapped (very hard) across the face. No doubt i called the police to have her arrested in return. My face was tingling for over an hour!
Anyway, when the Police arrived, they did a short bit of questioning to me, and then went to get (and i'd started to assume arrest) my wifes. Low and behold the officers came out of the house and i gave them a few more details, i asked why she wasn't being arrested to which one of them started getting really arsey
"Let me ask you a question... she weighs 7st? You weigh what"
I was naturally taken aback and replied etc finishing with "What the hell has that got to do with anything"
to which i got a "Well... its a fair fight that isn't it!"
At this point i became very agitated with him and basically went off at him saying about Police Policy in Domestic Violence situations to which he was so arrogant it was untrue... "Nahhhh actually *sniffs* its up to the Officer conducting the investigation... and we don't feel the need" i told him it was all crap as Policies are in place not to be picked and chosen but to be followed to which he said "more than welcome make a complaint etc" i just said to him, no point i'm knocking on an empty box as it is, bye.
I've followed this up with Legal advice as well as speaking to two Sergeants and both agreed that this was unacceptable of the Officer, who i've been assured will be spoken to. I am now seeking access to my daughter, they've advised i get the police to take a statement (which i have since done) and have her arrested (which i have said i didn't want to happen given the upset it would cause my daughter). Either way the statement is now on my Incident number so that it can be easily accessed via the courts should it be needed.
Additionally i've found out so much more has been going on... small claims for loan and O/D and additionally i've also found out more than £2,000 worth of deposits going into her (our joint) account! I've since frozen this. There's more to type but will post more once i get the facts and also the legal advice on it!
My wife is also "asking" (read refusing) to let me see my daughter now for 1 or 2 weeks while she takes to this move.
Any questions i can answer i will
Thanks for your patience...
Hi Guys,
Lots happened since!
Well i managed to call the Sergent RE: Original Complaint... i've been assured by the Sergeant that his staff wouldn't make this statement and cited several reasons, and to be honest as he was so helpful i've accepted his word.
Fast forward to Monday gone....
Go round to pick up my daughter to find my sister-in-law there, queue a big argument which resulted in me getting slapped (very hard) across the face. No doubt i called the police to have her arrested in return. My face was tingling for over an hour!
Anyway, when the Police arrived, they did a short bit of questioning to me, and then went to get (and i'd started to assume arrest) my wifes. Low and behold the officers came out of the house and i gave them a few more details, i asked why she wasn't being arrested to which one of them started getting really arsey
"Let me ask you a question... she weighs 7st? You weigh what"
I was naturally taken aback and replied etc finishing with "What the hell has that got to do with anything"
to which i got a "Well... its a fair fight that isn't it!"At this point i became very agitated with him and basically went off at him saying about Police Policy in Domestic Violence situations to which he was so arrogant it was untrue... "Nahhhh actually *sniffs* its up to the Officer conducting the investigation... and we don't feel the need" i told him it was all crap as Policies are in place not to be picked and chosen but to be followed to which he said "more than welcome make a complaint etc" i just said to him, no point i'm knocking on an empty box as it is, bye.
I've followed this up with Legal advice as well as speaking to two Sergeants and both agreed that this was unacceptable of the Officer, who i've been assured will be spoken to. I am now seeking access to my daughter, they've advised i get the police to take a statement (which i have since done) and have her arrested (which i have said i didn't want to happen given the upset it would cause my daughter). Either way the statement is now on my Incident number so that it can be easily accessed via the courts should it be needed.
Additionally i've found out so much more has been going on... small claims for loan and O/D and additionally i've also found out more than £2,000 worth of deposits going into her (our joint) account! I've since frozen this. There's more to type but will post more once i get the facts and also the legal advice on it!
My wife is also "asking" (read refusing) to let me see my daughter now for 1 or 2 weeks while she takes to this move.
Any questions i can answer i will
Thanks for your patience...
Man of Honour
I would doubt a cop would say that as it is simply not their place to do so and they have no legal recourse to do it unless exceptional circumstances arise which clearly don't in this case.
Solicitors are the only people who can even start to sort out such problems if people cannot sort things out between themselves.
Solicitors are the only people who can even start to sort out such problems if people cannot sort things out between themselves.
Yeah pretty sure the cop said something vaguely sympathetic or noncommittally went along with whatever she was saying to keep it from turning into a scene and shes seen it as validation to use against you.
TBH from everything you've said and judging by your sig you've over-reacted a bit to her slapping you in the face so I'm not really suprised he didn't arrest her. Its not really on but at the end of the day its a fairly minor thing (granted if the boot had been on the other foot you'd have probably been arrested but thats life).
TBH from everything you've said and judging by your sig you've over-reacted a bit to her slapping you in the face so I'm not really suprised he didn't arrest her. Its not really on but at the end of the day its a fairly minor thing (granted if the boot had been on the other foot you'd have probably been arrested but thats life).
I don't though, like i said i've had legal advice and Police advice. And i'll say exactly what the Sergeant said to me when i explained "it doesn't matter if your David Haye, you have the same rights as she does".
Either way things are moving and i'll keep this updated as and when
You come across like some sort of roid rage monster.
If you had an ounce of diplomacy in situations like this, things wouldn't escalate to the scale them seem to have.
Why did you even need to engage in an argument with your sister in-law.
Kids please... Keep your nose out...Thanks... Bye..
No slaps to the face.. RESULT
![[TW]Fox](/data/man-of-honor/2009.png){kind=avatar}
- Joined
- 30 Jul 2006
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You split up with your wife more than five months ago.
She has been living in your jointly owned house since then with your daughter.
You are paying all or most of the household bills.
Your wife has started another relationship.
You are not happy about this as a result of which you have got into disputes with your wife, her sister and the Police.
Am I missing anything out?
Why are you blaming the Police for all of this
Incidentally, I think that you were advised fairly early on to seek legal advice ASAP - I would focus on that rather than soliciting the guidance of OcUK's keyboard warriors and elite amateur legal specialists
She has been living in your jointly owned house since then with your daughter.
You are paying all or most of the household bills.
Your wife has started another relationship.
You are not happy about this as a result of which you have got into disputes with your wife, her sister and the Police.
Am I missing anything out?
Why are you blaming the Police for all of this
Incidentally, I think that you were advised fairly early on to seek legal advice ASAP - I would focus on that rather than soliciting the guidance of OcUK's keyboard warriors and elite amateur legal specialists
You're right Fox we were, but comes a time when for the best of your child you have to agree to disagree, don't get me wrong i was no Saint in the relationship however neither was she. We both had our minor gripes and differences and eventually got caught up with.
Well my sister-in-law naturally backed up her sister and in my opinion knowing her was the person who planted the "deny it" seed. I've got my statement that in my opinion is the most important thing. As a Mum my wife is brilliant and minus the incident in front of my daughter is faultless. I just want a nice/easy solution to a difficult situation.
Hi not meaning sound pedantic, have you read my first post? Basically i was "concerned" (to say the least) regarding a comment that "may" have been made or at the time i thought had been made by an officer to my wife.
Haha i'd agree with your last statement and am currently awaiting my appointment. Went to see my legal eagle friend and have gone with her firm.
Thanks again guys