Post your Fav short joke!
- Thread starter Andr3w
- Start date
- Status
Q. What's the difference between a Walrus and a blonde?
A. One is wet, has a moustache and smells of fish - the other is a walrus.
Q. Why do blondes wear green lipstick?
A. Red means stop.
Q. How are a bowling ball and a blonde alike?
A: You can pick them up, stick your fingers in them, and throw them in the gutter and they'll always come back.
ok ill stop before they get too rude
A. One is wet, has a moustache and smells of fish - the other is a walrus.
Q. Why do blondes wear green lipstick?
A. Red means stop.
Q. How are a bowling ball and a blonde alike?
A: You can pick them up, stick your fingers in them, and throw them in the gutter and they'll always come back.
ok ill stop before they get too rude
There was this Eskimo girl who spent the night with her boyfriend and next morning found out that she was six months pregnant.
What did the german clockmaker say to the clock that only went 'tick, tick, tick'?
'Ve haff vays of making you tock!'
What has 90 balls and screws little old ladies?
Bingo.
What is the last thing to go through the mind of a mosquito when it hits your windscreen?
It's ass.
What did the german clockmaker say to the clock that only went 'tick, tick, tick'?
'Ve haff vays of making you tock!'
What has 90 balls and screws little old ladies?
Bingo.
What is the last thing to go through the mind of a mosquito when it hits your windscreen?
It's ass.
A dwarf woman goes to the doctors.
The doctor says "What can I do for you?"
The dwarf woman says "Doctor,everytime it rains my fanny gets sore."
The doctor doesn't understand and asks her to explain.
So she says "I don't know what it is,but everytime it's raining,my fanny really kills me."
The doctor says "Well I'll tell you what,come back and see me when it's raining and I'll have a look."
A couple of days later it's ******* down and the dwarf woman's back at the doctors."
"Right," he says. "Hop on to the bench and I'll take a look at you."
So she gets on the bench and the doctor examines her.
Then he goes and gets his scalpel.
He comes back and says "Ok,I just need to do a couple of cuts here and there."
Then he tells her to stand up and asks "How's that?"
"Excellent,doctor! What did you do?"
He says "Oh,I just took a couple of inches off the top of your wellies."
its piggy
The doctor says "What can I do for you?"
The dwarf woman says "Doctor,everytime it rains my fanny gets sore."
The doctor doesn't understand and asks her to explain.
So she says "I don't know what it is,but everytime it's raining,my fanny really kills me."
The doctor says "Well I'll tell you what,come back and see me when it's raining and I'll have a look."
A couple of days later it's ******* down and the dwarf woman's back at the doctors."
"Right," he says. "Hop on to the bench and I'll take a look at you."
So she gets on the bench and the doctor examines her.
Then he goes and gets his scalpel.
He comes back and says "Ok,I just need to do a couple of cuts here and there."
Then he tells her to stand up and asks "How's that?"
"Excellent,doctor! What did you do?"
He says "Oh,I just took a couple of inches off the top of your wellies."
its piggy
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced
enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.)
If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is
produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it!)
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to
squirt blood 30 feet.
(O.M.G.!)
A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)
A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to
death. (Creepy.)
(I'm still not over the pig.)
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour
(Don't try this at home,maybe at work)
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its
body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
("Honey, I'm home. What the....?!")
The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the
length of a football field.
(30 minutes..lucky pig! Can you imagine?)
The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)
Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)
Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.)
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hmmmmmm......)
Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)
Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(okay, so that would be a good thing)
A cat's urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)
Starfish have no brains
(I know some people like that too.)
Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer)
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig??)
Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread these crazy
facts and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a
chuckle)...In other words, send it to everyone.
enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.)
If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is
produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it!)
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to
squirt blood 30 feet.
(O.M.G.!)
A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)
A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to
death. (Creepy.)
(I'm still not over the pig.)
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour
(Don't try this at home,maybe at work)
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its
body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
("Honey, I'm home. What the....?!")
The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the
length of a football field.
(30 minutes..lucky pig! Can you imagine?)
The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)
Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)
Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.)
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hmmmmmm......)
Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)
Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(okay, so that would be a good thing)
A cat's urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)
Starfish have no brains
(I know some people like that too.)
Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer)
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig??)
Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread these crazy
facts and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a
chuckle)...In other words, send it to everyone.
Q. What does the label in a blondes knickers say ?
A. NEXT!
Q. What do you call a blonde with a whole brain?
A. A Golden Retriever!
Q. What do you call a blonde with a pound coin on the top of her head?
A. All you can eat, under a quid.
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
Sam: Would you punish me for some thing i didn't do?
Teacher: no, of course not.
Sam: good, because i didn't do my homework.
A. NEXT!
Q. What do you call a blonde with a whole brain?
A. A Golden Retriever!
Q. What do you call a blonde with a pound coin on the top of her head?
A. All you can eat, under a quid.
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
Sam: Would you punish me for some thing i didn't do?
Teacher: no, of course not.
Sam: good, because i didn't do my homework.
- Status