Quick joke

Aliboy

Aliboy

Aliboy

Soldato
Joined
4 Jan 2004
Posts
3,200
Mick and Paddy had promised their uncle Seamus, who had been a seafaring gent all his life, to bury him at sea when he died.
Of course, in due time, he did pass away and the boys kept their promise.
They set off with Uncle Seamus all stitched up in a burial bag and loaded onto their rowboat. After a while Mick says, "Do yer tink dis is fer enuff out, Paddy?"
Without a word Paddy slips over the side only to find himself standing in water up to his knees.
"Dis'll never do, Mick. Let's row some more."
After a bit more rowing Paddy slips over the side again but the water is only up to his belly, so they row on.
Again Mick asks Paddy, "Do yer tink dis is fer enuff out Paddy?"
Once again Paddy slips over the side and almost immediately says, "No dis'll neva do."
The water was only up to his chest.
So on they row and row and row and finally Paddy slips over the side and disappears. Quite a bit of time goes by and poor Mick is really getting himself into a state when suddenly Paddy breaks the surface gasping for breath.
"Well is it deep enuff yet, Paddy?"
"Aye it 'tis, hand me da shovel."

Taxi on the way:o
 
and another ....

Husband and wife are shopping in Tesco's when the man picks up a crate of Stella and sticks it into the trolley
"What do you think you're doing?" asks the wife
"They're on offer, only £10 for 12 cans", he says
"Put them back. We can't afford it," says the wife and they carry on shopping...
A few aisles later the woman picks up a £20 jar of face cream and sticks it into the trolley.
"What do you think you're doing?" asks the man,
"It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful," she says
The man replies... "SO DOES 12 CANS OF STELLA AND IT'S HALF THE BLOODY PRICE" :D
 
40 Gypsies arrive in heaven at St Peter's Gates, asking if they can all come in together.
St Peter tells them to hang on while he asks God.
God tells St Peter to let 10 in and providing there's no trouble, the others can come in afterwards 10 at a time
So St Peter goes back to the pearly gates, but returns to God soon after.
"How are they getting on?" says God
"They've gone! replies St Peter
"What, all of them?" says God
"No, the bloody gates!!!!" :D

I'm on a roll ... must be the cheeky vimtos:D
 
last one ....

A woman is in hospital getting a vaginal tuck as she thinks that it needs to be a bit more youthful and firm for her husband. When she comes round from the surgery she sees that there are 3 bunches of flowers at the side of her bed. They all have little cards attached to them so she picks up them up and asks the woman in the next bed if she could read them out to her. The woman in the next bed agrees to read them out.
"The first card is from your husband" she said. "He just wants you to know that he loves you very much for what you have done for him and he can't wait to try out your new vagina when you get home."
"The second card is from Mike the surgeon" she said. "He just wanted to say that everything went well and you've to look after yourself."
"Who's the other card from?" she asks.
"That's from Bob in the burns unit. He just wanted to thank you for his new ears."

Boom boom tish :D
 
Paddy goes off to Oz to become a sheep farmer.
After 6 months his neighbour from the next farm comes round to see him and make sure all is well.
Paddy is walking across to the barn with a sheep under his arm when his neighbour pulls up in his truck
He shouts to Paddy "Ga'day Paddy are ya shearing"
Paddy shouts back "sod off and get your own. This baby's all mine"
 
At school the teacher announced to the class they were having a vocabulary lesson. She then proceeded to ask "Who can use the word urinate in a sentence?"
Little Johnny raises his hand immediately, nearly jumping out of his seat. The teacher reluctantly calls on him, worried at what he might say.
Little Johnny states "Urinate, but if ya had bigger ****, you'd be a ten"

I really should stop huh?
 
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