Relationship disaster - help

[Surfer]

I think i may be cursed in relationships.

I advertised for a lodger – i got one. Fit looking female twentysomething.
Now i wasn’t at home for the first month because i was away doing a course. She moved in and cleaned the place up big time...even going so far as to put in new bathroom tiles in the bathroom.

I was a tad uncomfortable with this but said nothing.

When i moved back in, we get on fine albeit she is always buying me food stuffs and she brings some relatives over...all normal except that she had said that her cousin referred to me as the boyfriend???!

Now i will admit i find her attractive. I should add at this point –she is a devout Christian. Believes very strongly in no sex before marriage etc. (she didn’t tell me this until we were very hot n heavy btw) (she doesn’t mind doing other stuff though as long as its not actual intercourse)

But anyway we had something of a connection i thought and i kissed her. Before you can say howdy doody. ....we are kissing, cuddlying etc. Now for me this is just some fun as i have no interest in a serious relationship at the moment. (i said to her before all this that i’m leaving the country)

Problem is she thinks we are 100% serious. She is constantly trying to get me to come to church, asking me why i don’t believe in God etc. I have told her i am agnostic but this doesn’t satisfy her and she keeps bringing the subject up (to the extent that it is annoying me).

Now if she didn’t constantly push the religion onto me and didn’t have the “no sex before marriage” rule then i would be happy to go out with her as a couple.

I am obviously going to have to tell her my feelings which could possibly mean the end of any relationship. It will upset her big time...where was my first mistake you reckon? Where did i go wrong?

Ohh yeah all this has happened in the space of 1 ½ - 2 weeks. At one point as well she kinda said she loved me...when i said i liked her she pushes for details and was saying when do i think i would reach the love stage or something.....

This is a nightmare basically... ideas?

 

[Surfer]

Can't see why she'd think it's a relationship, I mean you only copped off with the girl you live with.....

living together as a Flatmate not as a couple. i wouldnt live as a couple with someone after 2 weeks Its not the relationship i object to..its the light speed it is moving at and the way she is acting....

what a psycho.

I'd say get out whilst you can, but it's your place...

I kinda agree albeit she is a really nice girl though perhaps just doesnt realize what she is doing? dreading the conversation i will have with her in ohh about 3 hours. (when she gets back from work)

 

[Surfer]

So she's happy with other stuff?

I see no problem TBH. If you love her, stay with her!

Kissing n cuddling basically. Thing is, i like her but i do not love her. Takes me a bit longer than a few weeks tbh. I am also dead set on leaving the UK in around 3/4 months....(i did tell her this ages ago)

Seems like something you shouldn't have gotten your self into in the first place.

i fully admit i made a mistake. i liked someone so i showed that in my feelings. You only really know if you make the leap of faith. Otherwise i just end up wondering what if. In this case ok it turns out for the worse....

Whole thing feels like a threw one snowball which has caused an avalanche.....

 

[Surfer]

Fit lodger moves in... Nice move.
Re done the tiling.. Cool
Got close to her.. cool
Coped off.. nice work
Devout Christian.. no problem if she doesn't.... Oh she does. Shame
Goes on about joining her religion as if you are the spawn of Satan if you do not.. UNCOOL
She tells you she loves you.. Awwwwww cute, she's fallen for you, but the Christian thing is souring the relationship

ALL THIS IN THE SPACE OF 2 WEEKS

She was living in my flat for a month though. i moved back in on sunday 11th December. Prior to that had barely talked to her that much.

i have a feeling she will want to move out of the flat straight away after the conversation tonight....she is probably right now having happy thoughts of spending some of christmas with her new boyfriend......all to be destroyed very soon...not my finest hour...

 

[Surfer]

If she is a proper-pro Christian and you have sex (assuming she is a virgin atm)

Well that made me realize something....


Definitely isn't a virgin...

 

[Surfer]

Can't do pics at this stage. If the relationship survives tonight then i'll try. She is about an 8. Very very slim waist and tbh a peach of an **** to utterly die for.


basically these are dealbreakers

• No more hassling me about religion, she just has to accept and respect my own beliefs (or lack of) instead of trying to convert me.

• Sex before marriage issue. Dealbreaker. I'm not saying she must shag me right now but tbh i dont even really believe in marriage so that might as well be no sex ever

• More space, this is hard because we are kinda living together atm so she will treat us like uhh we are living together as a couple! Perhaps her moving out would be a good thing actually.

If she manages all these then maybe....

What do you think?

 

[Surfer]

Am I the only one thinking that the OP is taking advantage when he shouldn't be?
The term 'love' is thrown around a lot these days without much meaning, is easily confused with physical attraction and is just re-enforced with the fact that your living together.
You've told her your leaving, your both clearly operating on two different wave lengths.
Be level headed and stop leading/allowing this girl to get physical. The more that happens, the more she'll get all Glenn Close on you.

We had a long talk later that night. I think you are right about the love confusion thing. From the talk we had i think the way she used love means a strong attraction to someone whilst i just say i like her a lot. She says she knows other guys and likes them so she thinks when i say like then i like other women etc etc. So no i dont think she means "LOVE" (TM)

We are having another talk about it on 27th. She said she feels guilty about having sex (she has had sex before btw)

We are both having to move out of the flat anyway. So we will have separate places (unless she suggests moving into a place together?! - we shall see how things go from there

have you had any other experience with loopy women in the past?

Haha....ohhh yes thats why i'm not entirely running for the hills yet....im more desentized to the crazy...


btw does it actually say in the bible "thou shalt not have sex before thou art wedded" ???? I've been saying that it should be up to the people in the relationship not an external factor like religion. if those in the relationship are comfortable with it then its no big deal. At one point she was using words like when "he deserves it" and she "will give it up"....which kinda shows me her attitude to sex i guess? To me she is making a big deal out of it when she shouldnt be....

 

[Surfer]

jeez man.... crazy women


so we had another chat today...basically she wouldnt budge at all on any of the things i mentioned were troubling me. The sex before marriage thing she said i should respect her and sex without love/marriage is just sex (and i get the impression she has a dirty impression of that) without feelings at all so she seems to think. So theres no commitment you just do it with anyone.

The religion thing, even though she accepted in the last discussion not to push this on me (her asking me to pray (at mealtime and bedtime) wanting me to go to church etc) she still does it....

So anyway after our conversation tonight i said i would not be sleeping in her room but in my own room. She seems to accept this but 20 mins later she comes to my door and tries to force me to come to her room and sleep in her bed with her but just show some discipline and not try anything on with her. (ie kissing, fondling etc)

So spent 40 mins trying to get her to go to her own room to sleep.

Have only just now succeeded.....:/ If i dont wake up tomorrow then i reckon its because she has killed me with a knife or smt in my sleep.


*i will try and quietly lock my door without her hearing*

its going over and over in my head how all this has happened after 1 - 1/2 weeks and even then only about 4 ish days where we sorta acknowledged we liked each other (well she said she loved me...)

If i survive this...its a lesson learnt i'll tell you that....

 

[Surfer]

so now i dont really wanna go to sleep.....

 

[Surfer]

There is only one question you need to ask yourself: Does she make you feel happy? If yes then you can work through the other issues.

How do you work through "i am emigrating in 4 months"


Your answer to that would be dont do it, compromise what you want for what she wants (whoops sorry i mean the relationship).

The religion thing, meh, it's a big deal for her, make some effort. You don't have to believe, but supporting her beliefs wouldn't be too much to ask.

Sorry but i dont pray, go to church etc so her constantly trying to get me to do that is highly disrespectful of who i am. I respect her beliefs, i dont try to change her, shame she didn't feel the same way.

Finally with regards to sex I think you are being a bit unreasonable. She obviously wants to take time. The way you worded your post back a few pages, it sounded like you were demanding sex.

Sorry Dante you have the wrong end of the stick entirely. No i wasnt demanding sex. If she said she wanted to wait till the relationship had developed ie more stronger/stable etc then i'd be happy with that. Her line was pretty much a blanket "no sex before marriage" and its non-negotiable.
Considering i dont really believe in marriage....you dont think this could be a problem?

Further, you think i'm rushing her with regard to sex? Well i wasn't the one who wanted a fully committed relationship after 5 days...who loves me etc.

You have to let relationships grow (that takes time) and whether they grow or not isnt all down to one side just wanting it enough.

I appreciate your opinion because it is a bit similar to what she said.

 

[Surfer]

i dont believe IN it

not

i dont believe that it exists