relationship problems :/ whos in the wrong?

SoundEng · 16 Mar 2011 at 20:43

hi guys,

Just wondering if someone can give me an opinion hear.

basically i met this girl on holiday in greece last year, nothing happened in greece, nothing out of the ordinary, this was august last year.

in about mid november we started texting and i found out she lives about 2 hours away from me. weve been getting pretty close recently, and the only reason were not going out is cos of the distance...
she sed she really likes me and i really like her too.

however on saturday she went to a friends for a sleepover and ended up doing stuff with a guy there (that apparently she has liked for a while but not told me)

she is now telling me that she doesnt want to be anything more than friends and ive said to her that that would be really hard on me because i like her so much having to only think of her as friend would (and does) really hurt me.

and now shes getting annoyed with me because i cant accept that she just wants to be friends with me now

and we've been arguing since monday and i havent slept since then

what do you think i should do? am in the wrong here?

sorry if this sounds stupid :/

im only 16 and really dont know what to do....

cheers

ali

SoundEng · 16 Mar 2011 at 20:45

sorry?

SoundEng · 16 Mar 2011 at 20:48

tom_e said:
You were only ever just friends by the sound of it, just cut contact it'll make it much easier for you to deal with.

thats what she keeps saying, but the stuff she was saying implies completely the opposite!

ive only just come out of a similar situation with someone else (this one last two years tho) and i havent seemed to have learnt from my mistakes it seems :/

SoundEng · 16 Mar 2011 at 20:51

vicisthebest said:
Is she with this other guy now, or was it just that night?

no it was just one night.

yeh she is 16 i know things move on, ive realised :/

SoundEng · 16 Mar 2011 at 20:55

thanks for the replies. sorry about the punctuation i'm tired, as i said i haven't slept for two days.

looks like i will try and move on then

cheers

SoundEng · 16 Mar 2011 at 21:00

G|mp said:
All you've done is text her for Christs sake, wait till you're older and wiser, they get worse.

yes i know it sounds pathetic, but thats the kind of guy i am, i cant do anything about that

SoundEng · 16 Mar 2011 at 21:02

explicit4u said:
Almost this.

3/4 I agree with but i don't see why you have to push her out of your life. You obviously like each other to an extent that you can be good friends. I say accept that she's with someone else but still keep her as a friend.

that is what i was going to say originally, i just hope we can stop arguing....

SoundEng · 16 Mar 2011 at 21:04

kenmare said:
With all due respect, **** that.

Waste of time. Yes there is a friendship, but if the OP wanted it to go further it's not like he is going to forget it.

That's not to say you can't have female friends, just that sometimes its easier to move on. It'll cut open his wounds everytime she gets a new boyfriend and he has to put a smile on but secretly within thinking.....damn that should be me.

another one of my thoughts... :/

SoundEng · 16 Mar 2011 at 21:22

[FnG]magnolia;18685251 said:
It's no one's "fault" (as you put it in the OP), she just likes him more than she likes you. Deal with it, accept it and move on.

yes that sounds terrible i know, i did not mean it come across like that. but thanks for that, it really doesnt fee like it will though....but the amount of people who have told me that....

SoundEng · 16 Mar 2011 at 21:23

Morba said:
Hold on, did you see her at all after the holiday? If not them you were never anything more than a friend.
Get over it and have a fumble with the dirty bird in your year at school.

already done that.... did nothing for me tho :/

SoundEng · 16 Mar 2011 at 21:30

orderoftheflame said:
You weren't going out with her, but you're arguing with her about her seeing other men?

Leave her alone and get on with life?

'the only reason we weren't going out was the distance' yes we weren't going out per se, however we were treating each other as if we were. we talked for ages every night. i have seen her a few times since the summer, and i was meant to be seeing her next sunday.

we were treating eachother as if we were going out. everytime we were together we were out in town, we were acting as a couple.

SoundEng · 16 Mar 2011 at 21:34

[FnG]magnolia;18685459 said:
No, you were treating it as though you were going out. You. Not her.

Anyway, it doesn't matter, that's done and dusted. Move on, dude.

well she was treating me as a bf more than i was treating her as a gf so.....

yeh ok cheers

SoundEng · 17 Mar 2011 at 07:35

C.P said:
Stalker/rapist in the making...

I fail to see how this helps at all.

I apologise if I phrased the OP wrongly, thinking about it now maybe u should have phrased it.... What do I do? Etc etc

But to all the helpful responses thank you, I think I will try to cut contact with her....Its not gonna be easy....especially as I bet she will do her best to make me keep in touch with and talk to her....

Anyways cheers guys much appreciated

SoundEng · 17 Mar 2011 at 11:36

ChrisJSY said:
So?

I think most of us learn from a very early age simple language skills and that if someone says no, you can shout and moan all you want like a child but if they don't want to, they don't.

It seems all he did was find it very hard to understand what she said and was in denial, then lashed out in a last ditch effort.

From what he explained it sounds very simple, nothing developed because of distance and she decided to be with someone else and said no to him.
No doubt, each and everyone one of us would at least attempt to try recover what we have with someone we "like" but there's a point you stop.

I came on here to ask for advice. This is not a last ditch lash out. I a genuine question for genuine advice. Yes maybe i phrased the OP wrong, but i have already said that. I am only 16 which means i dont know exactly what to do, which is the whole reason i came on here. I am sorry about the spelling and puntuation, but im tired and trying to write this quickly as i have work to do too.

I dont see the point in just having a go. Im not saying you have to be nice, but constructive critisism would be a lot more helpul.

But to the constructive replies thank you again, it helps.

SoundEng · 17 Mar 2011 at 15:21

ChrisJSY said:
I can't imagine how you'd feel if you actually had a girlfriend that actually left you. Now we can just imagine.

i have had a gf, and i was in exactly the same situation then. literally exactly the same, however that took two years to sort out. the only way i got over was because i started getting to close to this girl. i wouldntve got over the last one without her.....

sorry for getting grouchy, school has a weird effect on me atm :/

SoundEng · 17 Mar 2011 at 15:53

sp1ke said:
Ahh 16 such an innocent age when you think all woman are pure and arn't out to use you.

oh i dont think that now....not at all. I just dont seem to be able to do anything about it :/

SoundEng · 17 Mar 2011 at 18:18

^^^^^^^^^^^^

that is unbelievably true! that is exactly how i felt before :L

SoundEng · 17 Mar 2011 at 19:34

TommyV said:
Dude,

Have some self respect and cut her out completely. I did just this last October (although she hadn't done anything with anyone...to my knowledge). And it took about 6 weeks to get over her (we were together for 1.5 years).

Trust me, you're better off without. Her going to a party and doing things with a guy she 'liked for a long time' is no way for her to justify it, if you guys liked each other as much as you say you both did, then she wouldn't be doing that.

Call her a w**** and be done with it.

Hope this helps.

cheers, yeh that does help a lot. I (stupidly) kept thinking it was just me with this bad luck....but at least i now know im not.

the main thing im trying to do is to stop it from affecting my work tbh....