Relationship thread with a difference.

[ChroniC]

Every thread on this forum about a relationship seems to be about having broken up or some god awful reason, even the advice and hugs thread has descended into a how to repair a broken relationship circle jerk, and any advice has been lost in the depths of crying man babies.

Forgive me for thinking that maybe it would be an idea to share tips and tricks on how to actually make things work, cause I'm sure it probably not always the lasses fault and that maybe just maybe, some of us have a good idea here and there and we could pool them together. I know there are lots of married men on here, and I'm sure they didn't manage that by accident. Think of it as a cheat sheet to ward of the arguments from the crazies. Hey even the very few women on the board could give us tip or two.

I for one have had several LTR and I still could do with a little advice, I may even have a few things to contribute.
Might be an idea not to contribute after hours advice, and hopefully, I say hopefully although we men are emotionally stunted, we might be able to express Don Juan tips without trolls telling us we are gay (ironically)
However if you think it's a stupid idea then 3 - 2 - 1 to GAY!!!!!
Obviously this could backfire too if the advice is bad, so, I add the disclaimer that I might be talking smack and you should not listen to me or anyone else for that matter, and since I'm not married what do I know.

So I shall start the embarrassment................

Women like you to be spontaneous, now to most men this sounds like a horrendous amount of work, thinking about what to do and when to surprise them etc. My best way to keep things spontaneous every now and again isn't to constantly think about new ways and ideas to do that, it's just never tell them what your planning to do. Don't discuss your ideas to take them to a concert or dinner or film or whatever you were planning to buy them, just do it. You were going to anyway but this way your preplanned and prediscussed options become mysteriously unplanned. Winner!

Stay in shape, no one likes a fatty so why should she. Plus women desire a man much much more that are desirable to other women, looking good is a sure fire way to achieve her attention.
Dress well, it's not hard, just find a movie star or sportsman who looks good and copy it if need be.

 

[ChroniC]

I know it sounds like a lot of work, but actually having a balanced life to relationship ratio is important, if you are either spending too much time together or apart its going to fail IMO. Having time for a hobby aside from her/him is a good idea.
I have seen so many people who just breathe the same air and are attached at the hip fail after the first year.

Plus is makes you interesting if your not sat at home being boring.

Don't be jealous, either trust them or decide whether it's worth it. Jealous only makes you feel like crap and helps no one.

 

[ChroniC]

Women prefer Helium ballons to flowers for spontaneous bownie points

Do they Interesting. They last longer too.

 

[ChroniC]

One things I always always try to think is this.
If it feels like your acting like a cooooing man baby with affection, it's because you probably are. There is a line between being nice to her and constantly texting her, rubbing her skin and looking in her eyes etc.
It's a good thing now and again but this is very important at the start of a relationship, don't keep pandering to her every whim. Younger people learn this in their first relationship.

 

[ChroniC]

Is it me, or does OP seem to be putting a lot of effort into being someone else? trying to make his SO jealous by attracting other women? yeah bro seems really solid basis.

If you have to change yourself or work that hard, its not right.



FTFY

Not at all, it subliminal and very helpful. I don't do it too her I do it for her and myself.
It's by no means changing myself, it's about being the best person I can.
I think that makes a good point really, anything you wouldn't want done to you is equal to what she wouldn't want done to her.

I would not want a girl to get fat, and I would not be happy for her to start wearing sweat pants out of the house etc. Your not right if you think having a big fat smelly blob on your arm is ok as long as you are in a relationship, that's going to end well

Another tip I have. During the year when ever you hear her say, ohhh I'd like one of those, or I wish I could do that. Add a little note to your phone, and come birthdays or Christmas you will have a wealth of ideas on what to get rather than panicking. Takes seconds, saves hours.

 

[ChroniC]

This is terrible advice! My missus would call me a faggot.

She detests those sorts of people, she likes "real men".

Hmm that said you will be hard pressed to find a woman who would say no to almost any movie star. They're not exactly badly dressed, and I hardly think you'd be a faggot for doing so. She likes real men is often a way of saying I'm not bothered your a fat badly dressed man.

I am honestly shocked with some of the comments that you don't try. I think maybe it's a mis-communication of the word "try", or maybe it's just me but I hate it when people say they get lazy and "let go" in a relationship.
It takes little effort to be the be a good examples of yourself and just because you think you have won a woman at the start doesn't mean to me that you can sit back and just become less. I'm not implying you should become someone else, just don't become something less. I think that's important.

 

[ChroniC]

Movie stars I'd agree with (although they get dressed by someone else most of the time) Sports stars on the other hand....

Maybe, I suppose I was just saying that a sense of style cannot harm, as women loves clothes and I well dressed man looks the part. Often or not people in the media eye are good examples.

 

[ChroniC]

ChroniC, I don't need to try your advice because I have been with the same lady for ten years and we are solid. For your information I'm not badly dressed nor overweight.

She dislikes that metrosexual crap and finds male vanity hilarious. That's not to say she likes me to be unclean and scruffy either.

I never implied you did (read my disclaimer).
How about you dispense some advice other than very static generalisations, i.e that being well dressed is metrosexual.

 

[ChroniC]

Sorry I didn't notice.

Here's a classic which I found out the hard way.

Never stare/look at her friends for too long, she is secretly watching you and will kill you later for it. Another is, I don't care is actually code for I care immensely, and if you don't choose the right thing, or do the right thing I will also punish you later.

I watched Rules of Engagement on TV the other day and the guy on it had a genius idea. (not sure it's a actual good idea but it would be funny)
Every time your other half does something silly, wrong or stupid write it down. Then whenever you do something silly and wrong and want to get out of it (which none of us ever remember in an argument) check back to the note and say, ahhhh but you remember when you did this.

 

[ChroniC]

Ahh yes, *** for tat arguments are always going to end well.

Hence why I said it probably wasn't a good idea. It was a comedy show after all. Are you being a tool on purpose because if not, I think you should try a bit harder to be nice.

 

[ChroniC]

I'll let that personal insult slide for the moment, but I suggest you wind your neck in before you get suspended.

My point was that your advice seems to be centred on shallow physical attributes rather than actually having a meaningful relationship. Perhaps you're not he best person to actually give advice and you should be listening to people like DiscoDave and blitzwing85?

Do what you want but first try to see that I was not posting something a saw on tv as advice, but just a comical happening with reference to the threads creation.
Might even be a better idea to read all my post before flaming me as an idiot. Particularly the one where I said it might not be an idea to listen to me anyway. Neither do I think anyone in this thread is gospel.

You have done an explorary job of being a stand up person and helped this thread stay on track though. Thanks.


BACK ON TRACK

I think setting targets is a very important thing, Looking forward to things like holidays or concerts, or new cars is an excellent way to keep things interesting, particularly if you choose to do one thing you like, then one thing she likes, then one thing you both like.

 

[ChroniC]

I am still struggling with this, so for the sake of your SO you actively seek to get attention from other women, so your SO feels better? maybe its just me but this seems ridiculous.

So what if a girl put on a few pounds, a relationship should be based on more than physical attributes. Im not saying a big fat smelly blob, you are going to extremes to try and make your point seem plausible.

That's boyfriend 101, and your essential saying to listen. Good advice.
I am really hoping you are just trolling in this thread because so far you have given nothing but the sort of relationship advice I would expect from The only way is essex.

No not at all. I think your struggling with me doing it, and a subconscious ideal. (to me your just trying to make me look shallow where I am not making that impression at all)
I don't like to think that the things that started the relationship should be forgotten. Maybe it's my dumb logic but I base a little of the way I am on the animalistic idea of desire.
Being desirable obviously has roots in more than just looks, i.e your other attributes, but visual is definitely one of them, so to be as visually pleasing as you can be in the (as above posters have said) least metrosexual way possible is to me a good idea.

I don't see why that is considered to be a vain issue that's frowned upon, we all like to look at people and it's has been bred into almost all animals on earth. Why would a woman suddenly stop caring just cause your in a relationship. I also think it helps to make you feel better to which gives you confidence. Confident people from my experience are happier also.
You say I'm putting extremes onto my point to make it more plausible but that's not true at all, there is little change in a few pounds, but there is lots of change in several stone, in a visual sense and a health sense. By no means does this mean I would dump a girl because of it, but I think it applies unnecessary pressure where none should exist.
Does that make more sense or am I just a fool for thinking so?

You say my last point is BF101 but you'd be surprised how many people listen, but then forget, I was just suggesting a little change of plan with a note on a phone and you seem very much more than just a good listener.

snip

I like this advice. Sounds good.