Caporegime
- Joined
- 1 Mar 2008
- Posts
- 26,303
'I really love ducks - they've always got a smile on their face.'
'Will the gentleman with one nipple please reveal it?'
'Can we have a wooden stake, some petroleum and a rope? Because we are burning you at the end of the show!' - To mindreader Derren Brown
You then got a letter. It said: "Blood isn't thicker than water. I didn't want you then and I don't want you now. I've got a family of my own and you're not it. Get lost."- To a woman abandoned by her mum as a baby
'Do you think it's time we took a radical approach to dealing with paedophiles, as opposed to fiddling with the edges?'
'You looked as if your head was going to come off!'- To a guest struggling to control a stutter.
'So, Jane, when did you first realise that you were quite clearly mad?'- To a psychiatric patient
'I've never met a single woman who's happy with the way she looks, except Jordan, although I've never met her.'
'Weren't you once a storytelling raccoon in a theme park? What sort of stories did you have to tell as a raccoon? Did you have a special raccoon voice?'- to actress Claire Goose
'If you saw a mink with an electrode sticking out of its anus, would you wear it as a hat?'
'Maybe it was for the best.'- To a woman who missed out after her usual numbers won £928,000 on the lottery
'I understand you have a little lad of 12. Is he a boy or a girl?'
'Hello baldy!'- Greeting a young leukaemia sufferer
'If I could throw a fishing rod into the corridors of time and reel you in, you'd throttle you, wouldn't you?'- To punk legend John Lydon
'Five stone? Wow, that's concentration camp thin that is.'- To an anorexic teenager
'I've never met anyone who thought Sherlock Holmes invented the toilet. You're quite sharp. It's just that in the pure sense of the word, you're ignorant.'- To BB star Jade Goody
'Will the gentleman with one nipple please reveal it?'
'Can we have a wooden stake, some petroleum and a rope? Because we are burning you at the end of the show!' - To mindreader Derren Brown
You then got a letter. It said: "Blood isn't thicker than water. I didn't want you then and I don't want you now. I've got a family of my own and you're not it. Get lost."- To a woman abandoned by her mum as a baby
'Do you think it's time we took a radical approach to dealing with paedophiles, as opposed to fiddling with the edges?'
'You looked as if your head was going to come off!'- To a guest struggling to control a stutter.
'So, Jane, when did you first realise that you were quite clearly mad?'- To a psychiatric patient
'I've never met a single woman who's happy with the way she looks, except Jordan, although I've never met her.'
'Weren't you once a storytelling raccoon in a theme park? What sort of stories did you have to tell as a raccoon? Did you have a special raccoon voice?'- to actress Claire Goose
'If you saw a mink with an electrode sticking out of its anus, would you wear it as a hat?'
'Maybe it was for the best.'- To a woman who missed out after her usual numbers won £928,000 on the lottery
'I understand you have a little lad of 12. Is he a boy or a girl?'
'Hello baldy!'- Greeting a young leukaemia sufferer
'If I could throw a fishing rod into the corridors of time and reel you in, you'd throttle you, wouldn't you?'- To punk legend John Lydon
'Five stone? Wow, that's concentration camp thin that is.'- To an anorexic teenager
'I've never met anyone who thought Sherlock Holmes invented the toilet. You're quite sharp. It's just that in the pure sense of the word, you're ignorant.'- To BB star Jade Goody
