Sexual Assault/Rape. What do?

[TW]Fox;21510492 said:
It is important that the police are notified BUT it's equally important that it is HER who notifies the police.
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+1

Be there for your friend, support them, make sure they know reporting is an option, but take no action for yourself.

Astounded by some of the responses in this thread, then again, it's ocuk gd.
 
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[TW]Fox;21510492 said:
It is important that the police are notified BUT it's equally important that it is HER who notifies the police.
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Agreed. Though the right thing to do is tell the police it has to come from her. If I found out someone told them that behind my back even if it is for the best I'd still be angry as its not their place to say. Plus even if you did tell the police they would most likely say that she would have to come forward.

All you can do is support her in whatever she chooses to do.
 
Ahleckz said:
Someone has told me that they've been sexually assaulted as a young teenager by a family member. Said family member also raped their own sister. This male is a father of a young child now, and it isn't unlikely that sexual assault of others within the reportings family has also happened.

The person who told me has said that they don't want to do anything about it, in terms of telling their family or the police.

I think that this is wrong and the police ought to be told, and perhaps the family of the person who told me ought to be informed.

What do the good folk of OcUK think?
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guy needs a swift leg and arm breaking. no place for people like that.

tell the women that if she doesnt say anything that anything bad that happens to the baby of the guy is down to her.

the police arent mind readers.

think of who might be next!
 
My other half is in social work and she says:


It appears that the person who this has happened to is now an adult or an age where they are able to make the decision themselves as to whether or not the police should be involved in investigating what has happened to them in the past.

In terms of the protection of the young child now then this is more a social services issue rather than a police issue if there is no current evidence of anything happening to this child.

Sign of the times as with any public service that cuts to service provision for child protection mean that social services are less likely to dive in head first and more likely to work with family and ensure protection of that child through those means, unless of course there is evidence that the child needs protecting.

So my advice would be to offer support to your friend and encourage them to speak to social services if they are concerned for the young child, as it appears as this is possibly the main reason they have informed you of their past now.
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If it is true, and i'm not about to make that judgement, then your onl real question is do you believe you, in a reasonable amount of time, can convince her to go the the police herself.

You have a responsibility to protect the child and that responsibility it more important than your friendship i'm afraid. If you can convince her, that would be both better for her and the police as the information from her will be more forthcomming, but if not, then you have to do the right thing.
 
People seem to be worrying more about what the friend wants more than the possibility that a child may presently be getting harmed.

If the friend doesn't want to go to the police regarding historical abuse then that is their decision but to effectively ignore a current situation where someone feels there is a strong possibility of a child being abused is just wrong.

I can't believe people are suggesting not involving the police with respect to a possible current child protection issue. What if someone knew your child was being abused and said nothing?
 
groen said:
Don't notify the police just do what the person requested. If they don't want anyone to know or the police then don't tell anyone. To be honest telling the police would be a waste of time and cause more trouble that it is worth.
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And how would you feel when you found out this guy's kid was sexually abused by him? :rolleyes:

Much as it would be great to be able to respect your friend's wishes by keeping it to yourself, they've pretty much forced your hand by telling you.

I'm not saying go behind their back - by all means sit down and talk to them and tell them what you're going to do, but I can't see that you have a choice about reporting it.
 
For people who have dealt with abuse in the past, sharing that information is a big deal, they do that in confidence. Telling the police about it without the person consent is a break of trust. Dealing with the police about past abuse is traumatic in itself. Most people that have dealt with past abuse just want to forget about it. That being said if someone does share past abuse then says don't tell anyone, there is usually alternative motives. If there is a risk that the abuser will reoffend which is highly likely then the best course of action imo would be to tell the people close to the potential victims, their mothers etc and let them deal with that information. Also go break his legs.
 
Knowing what you know now, it'd weigh heavily on my conscience if he struck again in the future, and I hadn't spoke out when I could have stopped him. There's more at stake than your friend's feelings in this situation.
 
Haggisman said:
And how would you feel when you found out this guy's kid was sexually abused by him? :rolleyes:

Much as it would be great to be able to respect your friend's wishes by keeping it to yourself, they've pretty much forced your hand by telling you.

I'm not saying go behind their back - by all means sit down and talk to them and tell them what you're going to do, but I can't see that you have a choice about reporting it.
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If they don't want to report it, despite knowing he has a young child now, it possibly isn't quite true? How many people have had their lives wrecked by a lie, for what ever reason, has spiralled out of control?

The ball is in the alleged victim's court, they have to do the right thing now for the child's sake. OP needs to tell them that in no uncertain terms, otherwise everyone should just sit on their thumbs
 
I wrote this post "assuming" your friend is female for the sake of grammar, I couldn't tell from the OP.

Despite any good intentions, telling the police without the approval of your friend is, in my opinion, a colossusly bad idea. On the balance of things, the person who is in the best boat to judge the situation is your friend - they will know the parties involves and is better able to judge the danger of those concerned. If you were to swan in and land this with the police it may cause far more harm than good for the family and a lot of unecessary greif.

Accordingly, the extent of your responsibility lies with supporting your friend and telling them of your concerns - tell her how you feel about it. If she decides that contacting the police is the best thing, then contacting the police is the best thing.

Saying that you have any greater responsibility puts you in a possition where you might feel inclined to act when in reality you probably know relatively little detail, certainly not enough to decide what the best course of action should be at least.

Sounds a tough situation for her and for you. Hope it goes smoothly.
 
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