Short Snappy Jokes

TheMagicPirate · 7 Nov 2006 at 21:15

My little brother told me this today.

A man walks into a Library and says to the lady, 'Can I have a book on suicide?'

The lady replies, 'No you bloody can't, you wont bring it back!'

Post away your short jokes.

cleanbluesky · 7 Nov 2006 at 21:16

Man: "Can you tell me where the self-help section is?"

Librarian: "No."

Man: "Why not?"

Librarian: "Well that would defeat the ****ing object, wouldn't it?"

Adz · 7 Nov 2006 at 21:34

A crocodile walks into a bar and says to the barman, "a pint please.... and make it snappy".

nemtizz · 7 Nov 2006 at 21:39

A man walks into a Bar..

Grrrrr · 7 Nov 2006 at 21:41

How do you get a fat chick in bed?

Piece of cake

Pumpkinstew · 7 Nov 2006 at 21:44

I rang up the builder and I told him 'I want a skip outside my house.'
He said 'OK. I'm not gonna stop you.'

penski · 7 Nov 2006 at 21:44

What's that?

Dead one of those.

*n

mctiny · 7 Nov 2006 at 21:45

1.)
What's big white, heavy and stuck in a tree?

A fridge

2.)
A sandwich walks in to a bar and ask's for a pint.

Barman so " sorry we don't serve food"

3.)
A horse walks into a bar

Barman says " why the long face?"

4.)
What do you call a man with no ankles?

Tony

5.)
What do you call a Deer with no eyes?

No eye-Deer

What do you call a Deer with no eyes and no legs?

Still No eye-Deer

Stringy · 7 Nov 2006 at 21:48

Two fish swim into a wall, one says to the other "damn!"

Two nuts walk into a bar, one was a salted.

DB_SamX · 7 Nov 2006 at 21:50

mctiny said:
5.)
What do you call a Deer with no eyes?

No eye-Deer

What do you call a Deer with no eyes and no legs?

Still No eye-Deer

What fo you call a Deer with no eyes, no legs and no p3nis?
Still no ******* eye-deer

yermum · 7 Nov 2006 at 21:54

2 Parrots on a perch. One says "Can you smell fish?"

penski · 7 Nov 2006 at 21:54

How much do Cockneys pay for shampoo?

Pantene!
____

Why is George Michael like a pair of wellies?

They've both been sucked off in bogs!
_____

What do you call a judge with no thumbs?

Justice Fingers!
_____

What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?

Nothing, you've already said it twice!
_____

Why do Anarchists only drink herbal tea?

Because Property is theft!
_____

*n

Messiah Khan · 7 Nov 2006 at 21:57

A dyslexic man walks into a bra...

Hamish · 7 Nov 2006 at 21:57

Two fish in a tank
One says I'll shoot, you drive.

yermum · 7 Nov 2006 at 21:59

messiah khan said:
A dyslexic man walks into a bra...

Was this the same dyslexic pimp who bought a warehouse?

p4radox · 7 Nov 2006 at 22:01

2 nuns in a bath.
1st nun: "where's the soap?"
2nd nun: "yes it does doesn't it?"

cleanbluesky · 7 Nov 2006 at 22:02

p4radox said:
2 nuns in a bath.
1st nun: "where's the soap?"
2nd nun: "yes it does doesn't it?"

I don't ******* get it, someone explain...

yermum · 7 Nov 2006 at 22:04

try saying it out loud....

~J~ · 7 Nov 2006 at 22:05

Two crocodiles walking down the street, one says to the other "Why the long face?"

Two cannibals eating a clown, one says to the other "Does this taste funny?"

cleanbluesky · 7 Nov 2006 at 22:06

yermum said:
try saying it out loud....

nope, nothing