Should I send an apology?

Metatron · 11 Feb 2011 at 09:11

Yeah, I think my problem is I can't let the person go.

Vonhelmet · 11 Feb 2011 at 09:12

arknor said:
we dont know if he deserves peace of mind... its called guilt for a reason and if he did something bad he should live with the consequences and the guilt

If he apologises and offers to make whatever restitution he can, then he has done all he can and thus does deserve peace of mind. If you are honestly apologising for something, then of course you deserve that.

Toxic Babyface · 11 Feb 2011 at 09:16

Metatron said:
Yeah, I think my problem is I can't let the person go.

Give it time. It's happened to pretty much all of us at some point. I was like this with my ex and blamed myself a lot of the time.

You will get over it in time.

^TANK^ · 11 Feb 2011 at 09:17

Metatron said:
It was a girlfriend and I think what I did was actually not as bad as I've made it out in my mind. She probably doesn't even care.

Thanks for the advice.

(I have anxiety problems and I tend to think I've done things wrong all the time when I haven't)

I can empathize as I do exactly the same thing. Quite often I'll make something insignificant in the back of my mind resurface and blow it all out of proportions, my advise to you is if you never intend on seeing this person again then let it go!

dbov22 · 11 Feb 2011 at 09:20

is the apology to try and win her back, you've said it yourself, you probably worry too much, just send a nice letter, short and to the point if it's only apologising and then moving on, it'll give you some 'closure'.

saying sorry and being upfront is a great tool, can you not tell us a little more about the situation, it might make you feel better, i'm sure too many people on here will help not take the mickey

asakura797 · 11 Feb 2011 at 09:31

You can write an apology just to set the record straight. Should anything happen in the future and your path's should cross, you can then at least know you had admitted to your wrongful doing.

Deleted member 77746 · 11 Feb 2011 at 09:34

Metatron said:
I have wronged a person, but I am unsure whether I should send an apology because I have not been in their life for many years and I know they don't want to hear from me again.

What do you think I should do? I want to make up, but I want to respect their wish of not being in their life.

Thanks.

What will be, will be. If you send a letter that might screw things up even more. Then again it might not. It's up to you at the end of the day. No-one will make this choice for you.

TheBigCheese · 11 Feb 2011 at 09:44

Metatron said:
It was a girlfriend and I think what I did was actually not as bad as I've made it out in my mind. She probably doesn't even care.

You may have hit the nail on the head there.

If you have anxiety reopening old wounds will probably cause you more grief than just leaving it be.

If you do send her a letter you will be thinking...did she receive it...did it go down well...will she contact me...what happens if I upset her...what happens if I make it worse etc.

If it's not as bad as you are thinking and you think she's probably forgotten then probably best to leave well alone.

uvarvu · 11 Feb 2011 at 09:50

If you do send an apology you'd have to word it extremely carefully or she'd use it as ammunition to cause more heartache.

Vonhelmet · 11 Feb 2011 at 10:13

Sometimes it can help to write the letter and never send it.

arknor · 11 Feb 2011 at 10:15

maybe the other party doesnt need all this dragging back up and they moved on alongf time ago is it really fair to remind them off it just because your feeling guilty?

dbov22 · 11 Feb 2011 at 10:16

TheBigCheese said:
You may have hit the nail on the head there.

If you have anxiety reopening old wounds will probably cause you more grief than just leaving it be.

If you do send her a letter you will be thinking...did she receive it...did it go down well...will she contact me...what happens if I upset her...what happens if I make it worse etc.

If it's not as bad as you are thinking and you think she's probably forgotten then probably best to leave well alone.

That is also an excellent argument for not sending it! Good one!

Metatron · 11 Feb 2011 at 10:17

I've decided not to do anything. If fate brings us back together then I'm happy.

Lock thread.

Edrof · 11 Feb 2011 at 10:41

I think you should write down your thoughts in the style of an early-90s rock ballad and then get a mate to film you singing it infront of white curtains and a huge fan.

Put your head down and your fists up a lot.

ChrisSmith3 · 11 Feb 2011 at 10:54

Forde said:
I think you should write down your thoughts in the style of an early-90s rock ballad and then get a mate to film you singing it infront of white curtains and a huge fan.

Put your head down and your fists up a lot.

+1

Sunbed · 11 Feb 2011 at 11:05

I think this thread needs to man up a bit.

Scania · 11 Feb 2011 at 11:14

Metatron said:
Yeah, I think my problem is I can't let the person go.

or more, perhaps, that she has let you go?

If it makes you feel better (which I feel it may) then write the letter.

She may well think "aw" & want your man-love all over again! (result? no?

) alternatively, she may think what a nice guy you are after all & feel better herself about what went wrong - result again!

The main issue here is your anxiety, what it stems from & how you can overcome it.

Resloving the g/f issue aside, (if the gf thing is thus!) - this in your own mind, may, go a little way to help, I don't see you have anything to lose by trying.