Single mothers

dalehitchy1 · 9 Jan 2017 at 21:38

Many of my friends have dated single mothers, and it very rarely works out. And so this is all from my observations, in which I mean to cause no offence to single mothers, because I know not ALL situations are the same.

I just do not see the attraction of dating a single mother at all. And by single mother, I mean someone who has had a child with a man and then the man has left her (not Widows). Many times I have seen single mothers blaming the man for her situation. In fact, one of my close friends went through a rough patch and is now a single mother with no job and living at home with her parents at the age of nearly 30. Her blame goes with the Dad ... that in the end he was not a very good man.

But why does all the fault of being a single mother go on the Man. You can usually tell who is the type of guy to stick around from early on. And married women (or future married women) know this. They then date for a while, and ONLY have a baby when they know this is the type of person that will stick around and they are compatible with.

On the other hand, single mothers usually date the type of person that is attractive, an 'Alpha' ... but do not normally stick around. The woman, chooses to have a child with this type of person. They choose not to wear a condom or use any type of contraceptive. Many do not spend long enough with the man to know that this is not the right guy. Many choose to rush into having a child. Personally, I would never have a child with someone until I have been with them for a period of over 2 years. All the single mothers I know, had been with their partners for less than a year.

I find it very hard to have sympathy for the majority of single mothers. There are exceptions of course. But unfortunately a large proportion of why single mothers are single mothers goes down to bad choices and not thinking about the potential consequences of their choices, instead only going for sexual gratification.

So when I see posts on my facebook below, I dont think it is something to be proud of. Please stop posting these things. And you should not ask for sympathy either. These were your choices.

Caged · 9 Jan 2017 at 21:41

Did you start an SC thread to vent about something you saw on Facebook?

danlightbulb · 9 Jan 2017 at 21:44

I was with my ex wife for 7 years before we split, having had 2 children after 5 years. I think your sample size of your friends and people you read about on Facebook is small, and I think you are over generalising.

Do you never make bad choices? Lucky you.

Mr Badger · 9 Jan 2017 at 21:46

Caged said:
Did you start an SC thread to vent about something you saw on Facebook?

It would find a more sympathetic audience on Mumsnet.

dalehitchy1 · 9 Jan 2017 at 21:48

Its not really a rant at all. It's just an observation. And I would be interested in other peoples different opinions.

I know people are different, and in case of people being married for a number of years I understand that some relationships can break down.

But it would be stupid to deny that a large portion of single mothers are single because of bad choices. I know it is likely that my comments would not be popular.

Caged · 9 Jan 2017 at 21:54

Loads of people are in bad positions because of poor choices - but your post seemed to be less "each partner could have contributed to the relationship breaking down" and more about how it's the woman's' fault for not realising that the father was a bit of a nob.

The only single mother I know was someone I worked with when I was 17, who went to uni, moved onto a very decent job, got married, had a child a couple of years later, and then the marriage broke down a couple of years after that because the guy thought that being faithful wasn't really for him. She is literally the polar opposite of the single mum stereotype.

DONOHUE07 · 9 Jan 2017 at 21:56

Ahh single mothers, when I was in my early 20's and single, they were my drunken Saturday night prey!

dalehitchy1 · 9 Jan 2017 at 22:00

Caged said:
Loads of people are in bad positions because of poor choices - but your post seemed to be less "each partner could have contributed to the relationship breaking down" and more about how it's the woman's' fault for not realising that the father was a bit of a nob.

The only single mother I know was someone I worked with when I was 17, who went to uni, moved onto a very decent job, got married, had a child a couple of years later, and then the marriage broke down a couple of years after that because the guy thought that being faithful wasn't really for him. She is literally the polar opposite of the single mum stereotype.

Completely agree that not everyone fits the stereotype.

That doesn't mean the stereotype does not exist.

stewski · 9 Jan 2017 at 22:01

Caged said:
Loads of people are in bad positions because of poor choices - but your post seemed to be less "each partner could have contributed to the relationship breaking down" and more about how it's the woman's' fault for not realising that the father was a bit of a nob.

The only single mother I know was someone I worked with when I was 17, who went to uni, moved onto a very decent job, got married, had a child a couple of years later, and then the marriage broke down a couple of years after that because the guy thought that being faithful wasn't really for him. She is literally the polar opposite of the single mum stereotype.

The only single mum I am friends with has a very similar background. On this topic I'd probably suggest, people and their relationships are made of individuals with varied experience, mums and dads (despite what kids often think) are still people.

danlightbulb · 9 Jan 2017 at 22:03

dalehitchy1 said:
But it would be stupid to deny that a large portion of single mothers are single because of bad choices. I know it is likely that my comments would not be popular.

But you could say this about anything. Bad choices are only bad choices in hindsight. I consider myself to be fairly intelligent, yet I made bad choices. Do you know they are bad choices at the time? No of course not. Should you know? Maybe, but I would say that when you are on a path it's hard to change course for no reason.

Vonhelmet · 9 Jan 2017 at 22:10

This is not SC material.

dalehitchy1 · 9 Jan 2017 at 22:22

Vonhelmet said:
This is not SC material.

Then feel free to request it to be deleted. It was not in any way meant to cause offence, it's just an opinion I have from observation.

Mr Badger · 9 Jan 2017 at 22:35

dalehitchy1 said:
Then feel free to request it to be deleted. It was not in any way meant to cause offence, it's just an opinion I have from observation.

Why you no GD?

Vonhelmet · 9 Jan 2017 at 22:49

dalehitchy1 said:
Then feel free to request it to be deleted. It was not in any way meant to cause offence, it's just an opinion I have from observation.

There's nothing to debate. You have a low opinion of single mothers. I doubt there's much we could tell you that would make you change your opinion.

Tuppy_Glossop · 11 Jan 2017 at 13:53

What about mothers who have been married for 20 years and hubby decides to have a fling ? Whose fault is that ?

Vonhelmet · 11 Jan 2017 at 13:55

Tuppy_Glossop said:
What about mothers who have been married for 20 years and hubby decides to have a fling ? Whose fault is that ?

The woman's, presumably, for not doing enough to keep him happy at home :rolleyes:

Tuppy_Glossop · 11 Jan 2017 at 14:13

Vonhelmet said:
The woman's, presumably, for not doing enough to keep him happy at home

I presume you are rolling your eyes at your own sexism.

Armageus · 11 Jan 2017 at 14:16

Vonhelmet said:
This is not SC material.

Thread moved

glenimp617 · 11 Jan 2017 at 14:19

The world certainly isn't black and white

I could write a long essay about why couples with kids split up and the many, many reasons for doing so. However, I fear it will fall on deaf ears

glenimp617 · 11 Jan 2017 at 14:20

Vonhelmet said:
The woman's, presumably, for not doing enough to keep him happy at home

isn't that a davina mccall quote?