Well, Ive finally found the problem, though why it is a problem I dont know.
I formatted/reinstalled windows, and installed the cards one at a time. Lo and behold, the SLI options soon popped up. Result.
However, as I wanted to install drivers one at a time to avoid any conflicts, I had taken my Soudblaster card out prior to the reinstall.
As soon as I put the soundcard in, the 2 cards showed up with an exclamation mark in device manager, and windows was in some ungodly resolution. Reinstalling the drivers for them fixed the issue, however, doing so turned the NV control panel back to its original state of displaying 2 cards, but no SLI options available!
I rebooted, removing the soundcard, and the SLI options reappeared.
FWIW, when I was running with the soundcard in, it worked/installed fine, but as soon as it touches a pci-e slot, it screws up sli.
So... thats my new problem, although in fairness, I can live with onboard sound.
Thanks for everyones help and suggestions, got there (well, close enough) in the end.