Sneaky passive questions

[Tom0]

I would like to gauge if anyone else notices/gets annoyed by this or if it is a personal issue..

An Example:

A few weeks ago I was tidying up my faciers on a set of ladders. Some of the neighbours pass by. Pleasantries etc.

This morning one of the passing by neighbours approaches me, "Have you got a set of ladders?"

Now usually I would let it go and just say yes and carry on but this has been getting on my nerves as a day to day thing. Not him asking to borrow things but the way people ask questions.

This time I say no just to be a arse.

He replies "I saw you up a set the other week doing your gutters?"

THEN WHY ******* ASK THEN.

He can see into my garden, he can see I have a set chained up to my back wall

"Can I borrow your ladders mate?" would have been fine.

Why do people do this? Do they think I would be offended by a direct question? Do they assume I'd judge them for asking to borrow an uncommon item or for whatever favour they'd like?

Is it just me or is there more of a culture a norm to attempt a segue question before asking the real question these days?

It feels very condescending.

 

[Tom0]

yep it is the norm and being direct would be better, but yep you were a bit of an arse in your response as well

I'm tired of being made to feel like an arse so I say yes before I decide wether or not I would like to comply.

If I was asked directly I would be less begrudged if I were willing.

grr Humuhns.

 

[Tom0]

Is that what passes as conversation in south Wales these days? A day to day thing?

It is better than "a baa baa here and a baa baa there."

Although, you live in Sussex. I imagine a conversation in English is a rare thing.

 

[Tom0]

 

[Tom0]

You:

 

[Tom0]

Wow, how petty is the OP?

Do you really have nothing worthwhile to get upset about? Just lend your neighbour the bloomin' ladder and don't be such an arse about it!

Yeah, its not really about the ladder. That was just an example.

Thanks for contributing though.

 

[Tom0]

Can't believe people have time to worry about this. Pathetic.

I don't worry about it, it is just something I've noticed becoming a more common occurrence. People being condescending, I notice you've skipped the irony with your reply.

It's okay though, I like it that you hate me for creating content. Go back to the This instant & moment thread. Fly as quick as you can so you can post without thinking again!

 

[Tom0]

I've heard some people say it's a 'yes ladder'.

"Have you got any ladders?" - they know you do
"Are you using them?" - they can see you're not
"Can I borrow them?" - the first two yes answers make the answer to this question more likely to be yes

Some people have other techniques though, they might not even ask the second and third questions, instead they'll say "Only I need a set to do X" - hoping that you offer them. That way they can completely avoid asking for them.

Similar questions are used as directions. I was listening to a podcast the other day and the guy said when he moved into his last flat and hadn't fully unpacked his boxes in the hallway yet his flatmate said "Have you given any thought to what you might want to do about those boxes?"

Is a more roundabout way of saying "move those boxes" even possible? He brought it up, but strictly speaking didn't give a direction or ask him to move them, he only asked if he'd though about it.

I think this stuff is mostly unconscious patterns of behaviour though, nothing really malicious, just effective.

Interesting, I've just read up on a bit of that.

It makes sense but it seems very purposeful to what my original point was. You would only use those techniques to con someone or just hype them up if you practiced them with certain intentions.

My point was more people do it without thinking. It is as if they believe they are entitled to share, borrow or use what you have and they question you for it in that very fashion. It is not that they're purposely trying to scam it off you.

I don't know maybe it is just one of those things where it is me that has noticed more. All I wanted to know really.

 

[Tom0]

would've been fine

or

would have been fine

Yeah, either of those would have been fine.

I'm going leave that bad bit of grammar they're just so it is their forever for people to read it on there devices.

 

[Tom0]

What you should have said is

Yes I do, I'm getting ladders in my tights all the time atm, do you want to come in and help me change them big boy? Wink.

Hahaha.

Why does this read all too rehearsed!?

 

[Tom0]

I can beat the ladder question.

Parked up at the shop yesterday, hop off the bike helmet in my hand walk 10 meters down the carpark and a woman who in no way could have missed me arriving on the noisy thing or just jumping off my bike or the helmet in my hand then points at the car I'm just walking towards and asks "Is that your car?"

Ugh.