So Its happenened - wife left me.

MeatLoaf

MeatLoaf

MeatLoaf

Soldato
Joined
1 Dec 2005
Posts
14,533
Location
Stoke on Trent
She never came home from her mums and shes told me shes not going to either.

My world has ended. Now im rattling round the house crying non stop. She and my kids were my entire life, they were all that i lived for.

Everything i did was for her and my little girls. I just want them back.

Im not perfect by any means and ive got my annoying habits the same as she has but i never thought this would happen again.

Its the kids i miss the most even theyre always fighting and crying. And im goinjg to miss out on her pregnancy so im going to feel alienated from the newborn. I wont even get a say in its name.

I just want to scream at the top of my voice and then have the ground to swallow me up.

Shes left me with huge debts and im going have to return the items we had on credit so basically ive got nothing.

Life sucks. Ive not got many friends either so i reslly am alone. I feel like shes ripped my heart out and stamped on it. And i thought she loved me.
 
Gilly said:
The debts will be shared won't they?
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No there all in my name. Only thinkg in her names is the internet so i guess im going to lose that as well.

I know its probably for the best but i really love them and miss them like crazy.

The only thing at the moment that can make me feel better is being out trying to enjoy myself singing but that costs money which i dont have.
 
Kell_ee001 said:
Seconded.

I also agree with the guys about seeing a solicitor and finding out where you stand. This is going to be a very tough time but these things often have a way of working out for the best. Good luck whatever you decide to do.
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Well ive already got a sloicitor from the last time she left last year. The diviorce was almost sorted as well but we decided to try again.

Thing is ive got 1 friend who i can turn to but kerry dosent like her and i feel that if i take my friends support it will drive kerry furthur away

My mum and dad live next door but one so theyre close by, but its no substitute to haveing my wife and kids in our house.

Shes rang me and said she picking her stuff up friday. Hopefully before thta happens she will see what a big upheaval its going to be for the kids and decide not to take her stuff and come home.

Thats the only thing keeping me going right now although i know im building myself up for a big big fall.

Im just angry that shes taken the kids away from me again.

I know this sounds bad, but i wouldnt be this upset if kerry had died, at least i would have my kids.
 
Ive been at my friends house all night. Got back just now. She fed me and we had a good chat and i know im not the only one in this position.

She made me see that even though im not a good looking guy ive got a heart of gold and a super personality.

She says im thick to even think of wanting her back. This is the 3rd time shes gone, and if she does come back no doubt it will happen again.

I just want someone to be there for me and to love me. I know its too soon yet but i really do need the company.

She goes for her 20wk scan in a few weeks and i was really looking forward to seeing our baby again and finding out if its a boy or a girl. But now i wish she wasnt pregnant at all :(

Im trying to keep my chin up and you guys are a real help to me. Thank you all.
 
Richdog said:
A) Remember that the debt is shared, achknowledge that comment for us please and show us that you will take that into account to put our minds at peace.

B) Great that you have an understanding friend to comfort you, just don't do anything silly in the heat of the moment, this is a time you are VERY vulnerable and prone to doing irrational things. Just make sure nothing goes past the friends stage, not saying that it would mind, just a warning as it will screw things up even more.

C) You need to start being stronger. Your wife is obviously flaky at best and face the facts, she doesn't want to be with you. You need to now start thinking of the future and you're kids, make plans and preperations to be part of their life and keep the arguing with your wife to a minimum as it will be very stressful for them too. You need to start moving on to the acceptanca and damage control stage now.

D) Do not say you wish she wasn't pregnant. Love that baby and cherish it like any other, it will grow up some day and you will be an important part of its life. It could be the next Einstein or Richard Branson for all you know.

E) Get legal advice asap. DO NOT let her take you for a ride. DO NOT let her guilt-trip you into paying more than your fair share. DO NOT let her emotionally blackmail you or shut you out from the kids, you need to fight tooth and nail to keep what's yours and make sure you have regular access to your children. You have rights, don't forget that.

Someone will love you again, the problem is you have become so emotionally dependant on her that you can't see survival without her. That is pure bullocks. Actively build your self-confidence by going to classes, social groups, hypnotherapy etc, anything that will help you hold your head up high.

Ask yourself this: do you want your kids to grow up knowing a pitiful, emotional wreck or a strong man that has been through the wars and come out on top. That is what they will be looking for, and so will any future woman in your life.

Good luck...
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Thanks all. Im going to make an appointment for the solicitors and start the divorce rolling again and get some advice about these debts.

Shes bringing the kids with her on friday so im going to get to see them at least. Pity shes going to be bringing her horrible family to help her get it into the car.

I know i need to be stronger and im tyrying but im goingout all day again today, as i just cant face being in the house alone.

Im also going to visit the jobcentre and try to gret myself a decent job, as now that shes gone theres no way i can survive on £50 a week. The only thing that worries me is how im going to manage.

With any luck i will win the compo on friday night, £500 1st prize, that'd certainly sort me out. Mind you even 2nd or 3rd would do.

Its a very daunting thing im going through, but i know ive managed before and i will have to manage again. At themoment though it takes anything to set me off, itslike im constantly trying to fight the tears back.

Anyway, catch you all later. Thanks you for the good advice.
 
Well until friday when she picks her stuff up then in my mind she is still not left, shes just having a break at her mums.

Lets see what friday brings.
 
Shes rung me this afternoon and given me a glimmer of hope but i think maybe its a bit more rope to hang myself ( not literally! ).

Basically now she says she dosent know what she wants to do. Maybe shes been doing some thinking. I beren thinking as well about why she mite not be happy. Ive tried to make a list of my bad points. This is what i got so far.

1. I dont do all of the housework - but i cook, do a bit of work from home and i takje and fetch the kids from school so she dosent have to walk a long way being pregnant and i also do the shopping and take care of all the bills.

2. Money is tight, so i cant always afford to give her £30 to out on the town. I do stop her going out with her mate as its the sister of the guy she slpt with. Ive no problem with her going wioth others but she only wants to go with this one mate.

3. I have to have the TV on quite loud a sim partially deaf in one ear - she thinks i do it on purpose.

4. Sometimes i shout at the kids a lot, but only when there naughty. This often auses arguments.

5. She moans that i go out once a week. I go out to singing compos. And i often win, so its not like i come home empty handed all the time. I only take a tenner out with me.

6. She says im pestering for sex. Well im sorry but i dont think once a week is too much to ask, even if she cant manage fullon sex theres loads of other things she can do.

So thtas it - would you end a marriage for the above reasons?
 
Spud21 said:
It may be harsh but what he says is bang on, she doesn't love you anymore, just walk away as you are only going to do yourself more damage, it would appear that you have tried (damn hard) to make it work, but it doesn't.

I'm sorry to say it but if you let her back then you are a fool, as the saying goes, "fool me once, shame on you, Fool me twice, Shame on me" It isn't going to work, if she comes back she is just taking you for a ride. I say ******** to her, when she arives on Friday to get her stuff have it waiting for her in the hall, all packed, just get her out of your life. She may be the mother of your kids, but that doesn't mean you have to let her **** you over again, and again and again.
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I do actually agree with what everyone says, and im getting stronger. Ive got a house i can be proud of and im surein time id be able to meet someone else, i just need to build up my self confidence a lot.

dmpoole and treefrog - more mate is deffo what i need 0 thank you :)
 
Treefrog said:
Take dm up on his offer and go to the bike rally on Saturday - you're 99% certain of a good time. Just getting out from the same four walls will probably be a damn good thing.

I'm near Tunstall btw, whereabouts are you?
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Im in longton mate.
 
Well were rapidly approaching judgement day. Im still spontaneously bursting into tears and im missing them all like crazy.

She has said she will only decide to stay ifshes 100% certain that itis what she wants.

Ive still not spent more than an hour alone in the house ( apart from when im asleep)

Ive got everything crossed but if she does take her stuff then ive got to be strong and say thats it, defffo the end.

Is she stays then i need to work at making it work, well we both do really.
 
fatiain said:
Don't forget, we have a huuuuge collective shoulder here mate. Best of British today.
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Thanks.. :)

She wont stop me seeing the kids i dint think. She still wants me to attend the antenatal scan with her and be at the birth so maybe there is still hope.

My worry is that, who is going to want to start going out with a guy whose got 2 kids already and another on the way.

Plus, how would a future girlfriend feel about me being at the birth - or her boyfriend if she has one.

I think if im honest i cant be 100% certain that getting back together is the right thing to do anymore.

Im just a bit confused now :(
 
Well she has been to collect her stuff. She didnt really give a reason.

I packed it up for her and she loaded it in the car. I was really strong and i didnt cry but it still hurts like hell.

And at least i saw my daughter emma.

Just the money side of things to sort out now.


If anyones near port vale club tonight feel free to dropin, in in the karaoke final tonight with £500 up for grabs.
 
Dont worry, i wont turn to drink and go silly, shes not worth it.

Im sure theres light at the end of the tunnel, in fact, some girl has already asked for my number.

For the 1st time in 5 or 6 years i feel good about myself. I will let you know later what happens in the compo. :)
 
dmpoole said:
It says a £1000 in The Sentinel
Good luck.
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It is, but its spilt between the winners.

1st prize = £500
2nd Prize = £300
3rd Prize = £200

Plus all the finallists get a guaranteed £25 so i cant lose really :)
 
dmpoole said:
That is unfair and one of the reasons I won't enter such competitions because my 35 years of experience would show through. The other reason is that I wouldn't want to be beaten by a girl singing I Will Survive out of tune.

However, if you still think you are above average and want to work around the pubs theres a way to get you started. A mate of mine who lives in Longton does PA's from small ones to bigger ones and his rates are quite good.
Click here - www.disturbinthepeace.co.uk click on Other Bands then click on PJ's PA Hire.
I know a guy in Meir who has got every backing track you could ever want so you could still have a shot at glory without the initial expense.
My Dad could record you in his home studio (Birches Head) and make cd's for you to give out to potential pubs and this is what he did for Gordon Hendricks.
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That would be great, in fact gordon is a personal mate of mine. Ive got pretty much every backing track i need. I keep trying to get Gordons manage, Dave to come and see me at the Queen Vic in Fenton.

I would love to have your dad record me in the studio, would be great. I will check that site out also. Cheers mate :D
 
Well loads has happened actually.

Weve sorted a lot out and we are now back together. Shes 27wks pregnant now and im really ecxited about having a boy.

I won another compo a few weeks back and spent the cash on a new widescreen tv :cool:

All in all im fine. Life is good at the moment.

Nice to know people still thibk of me :)
 
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