Some Advice....

[Vita]

Hello guys,

Well I'll start with the basics, I was out of a realtionship for about 2 months till last Thursday where I got with a girl from college. She's a wonderfull girl and I do really like her even love her.

I now have a problem since being with her I've become very aggressive and maybe "alpha Male". A guy looks at her I get angry, touches her I get angry? Am I just being paranoid. I am an over protective guy, I'll admit that, but I'm not the sort to tell the girl;

"OH HAYZ ** NUT GUNA TLK 2 NE MORE MALEZ KKKKK?!?!"

I do really like her and we spoken so much!, It's like I've known her for years. My friends tell me to relax but I find it really hard to, I just don't want to lose this girl to another guy who may be better looking/nicer then me.

I've said this to her, and she's like no no that won't happen. Big mistake I've made is I've told her I love her, and she's saying it's too soon. Yeah she's right, but I do.

She said she'll talk to me tonight about this stuff, could you guys shed some light on me? Am I doing the wrong thing or right?

Thanks.

 

[me227]

You've told her you love her and you only started going out since last week?

Anyway, its that feeling you get sometimes when you first start going out, it'll start to fade away when you start to trust her more over time.

 

[Phoebs]

chill or you may push her away!

 

[Vita]

Yeah, I have a feeling that could happen. She said to me she doesn't want to rush into things, but she's falling for me and is feeling some emotions. I agree with her, I just find it awkward to not flip when some guy looks at her.

 

[topgun06]

Just chill! Relax! I know how you feel but there isnt a lot you can really do about it.

 

[Matt-Page]

Easy to understand, have you been cheated on in the past? Parents separated?

This sort or paranoia is not easy o shake off, believe me i have suffered from it in the past. Being insecure about yourself, (and yes this is what you are) is not attractive to woman, and it will put people off. Before you know it it will be on your mind all the time, every time you're not with her, every time she goes out. or doesn't reply to a text. Unfortunately people do stray in relationships, even more so in this day and age. You just have to trust her. You HAVE to, and after time it will ease.

Secondly, get some self respect. She chose to have a relationship with you, but if you get to clingy or serious too soon she will run off and get sick of it. It's sad but woman (in most cases) look to their man to be their backbone and confident, strong, etc.

Lay off the "I love you" for a while, it will only scare, despite your feelings.
don't spend every waking our with her, do your own things, etc.

Good luck pal, and in the chat you have tonight, just say sorry for being a plonker and have a nice evening together, showing her why she picked you over anyone else

Edit: When other blokes look at her, feel proud she is your girl, and just smile. Grab her and take her to the dance floor, etc. No doubt she sees other woman checking you out. Be everything you are and everything she wants and she will have no reason to stray.

 

[me227]

Easy to understand, have you been cheated on in the past? Parents separated?

This sort or paranoia is not easy o shake off, believe me i have suffered from it in the past. Being insecure about yourself, (and yes this is what you are) is not attractive to woman, and it will put people off. Before you know it it will be on your mind all the time, every time you're not with her, every time she goes out. or doesn't reply to a text. Unfortunately people do stray in relationships, even more so in this day and age. You just have to trust her. You HAVE to, and after time it will ease.

Secondly, get some self respect. She chose to have a relationship with you, but if you get to clingy or serious too soon she will run off and get sick of it. It's sad but woman (in most cases) look to their man to be their backbone and confident, strong, etc.

Lay off the "I love you" for a while, it will only scare, despite your feelings.
don't spend every waking our with her, do your own things, etc.

Good luck pal, and in the chat you have tonight, just say sorry for being a plonker and have a nice evening together, showing her why she picked you over anyone else

Good post. I used to be fairly insecure. Not so much over the past 5 years, but its true what he says.

Shes going out with you because she wants to.

 

[sgx.saint]

chill or you may push her away!

 

[Vita]

Easy to understand, have you been cheated on in the past? Parents separated?

Yeah have been cheated, parents together. But I'm adopted like so was in social care around 1-6months when I was born.

This sort or paranoia is not easy o shake off, believe me i have suffered from it in the past. Being insecure about yourself, (and yes this is what you are) is not attractive to woman, and it will put people off. Before you know it it will be on your mind all the time, every time you're not with her, every time she goes out. or doesn't reply to a text. Unfortunately people do stray in relationships, even more so in this day and age. You just have to trust her. You HAVE to, and after time it will ease.

Yeah you're spot on mate. I am feeling insecure about myself and did tell her. She goes don't think negative or negative things will happen. I am trusting her, it's not her. It's these pervy guys that think I don't know that they look in certain ways. And I think, I wouldn't look at your g/f's like that, get me?

Secondly, get some self respect. She chose to have a relationship with you, but if you get to clingy or serious too soon she will run off and get sick of it. It's sad but woman (in most cases) look to their man to be their backbone and confident, strong, etc.

Yeah, I'm not clingy clingy I do spend some time with her, but not too much, give her space etc...

Lay off the "I love you" for a while, it will only scare, despite your feelings.
don't spend every waking our with her, do your own things, etc.

Yeah, I will lay off that for a while. But like you said, if she doesn't call or text I'll get worried and what not, and that's when the para's start kicking in.

Good luck pal, and in the chat you have tonight, just say sorry for being a plonker and have a nice evening together, showing her why she picked you over anyone else

Edit: When other blokes look at her, feel proud she is your girl, and just smile. Grab her and take her to the dance floor, etc. No doubt she sees other woman checking you out. Be everything you are and everything she wants and she will have no reason to stray.

Yeah I started to do that today. I just feel so happy with her just have a big grin on my face.


Thanks mate, you've helped me realise a few things. I'll say sorry and everything, and just try to think more positive.

Thanks.

 

[thelonecrouton]

Edit: When other blokes look at her, feel proud she is your girl, and just smile. Grab her and take her to the dance floor, etc. No doubt she sees other woman checking you out. Be everything you are and everything she wants and she will have no reason to stray.

What this gent says. When I catch other blokes eyeing up the missus, I just grin smugly at them. When the missus catches other birds eyeing me up, she flies into a full-on death-dealing rage and I have to restrain her from beating the crap out of them.

And when she catches me eyeing up other women, I just pray for a swift end to it all...

Russian women - just a bit tempestuous...

 

[twistedheat]

Girls work on in a flawed way. They "hate" the guy that doesn't give them much attention, but its that guy who they are the most attracted to.

Want to keep her? Play push/pull - Keep her on her toes, don't be predictable. What do I mean by this? Be the nice guy on some days (act like your her bitch, tell her shes your favourite girl etc etc) and on others, be a ******* (ignore her/her calls or get back to her late, cancel seeing her, act aloof, etc)

DO NOT, and I mean do not - be jealous when other guys talk to her all the time. Occasional jealousy will show her you care, and she may even play up talking to other guys just to provoke a jealousy reaction, so its good to show some jealousy once in a while - but thats it!

 

[Matt-Page]

Yeah have been cheated, parents together. But I'm adopted like so was in social care around 1-6months when I was born.

So naturally you are going to be insecure, it's natural so don't beat yourself up about it. It's not your fault and there is no quick fix. It's a long road, but you have to just let what happens, happen. Your a new man now with a new woman, try to just relax about these things, and in time, you will feel comfortable with her being away from you.

Yeah you're spot on mate. I am feeling insecure about myself and did tell her. She goes don't think negative or negative things will happen. I am trusting her, it's not her. It's these pervy guys that think I don't know that they look in certain ways. And I think, I wouldn't look at your g/f's like that, get me?

I get you. Your feeling insecure because your ex and others have left you. There is nothing worse than being left by someone, whether that be death or in a relationship/friendship, believe me i have had my share. You really have to appreciate yourself before anyone else will. If you ask any girl, a guy who is down on himself and puts himself down is off-putting. Are you overweight? Spotty? No matter what it is, it isn't a problem unless you make it a problem. Most people are not shallow enough to look into this. Love thyself. Remember bud, she chose you, she wants YOU, not some pretty boy in a club. Keep it that way. Ignore the other blokes, their drunk/horny and just enjoy looking at her, and why shouldn't they? Just feel complimented that they like her, and tell yourself you have got a right cracker!

Yeah, I'm not clingy clingy I do spend some time with her, but not too much, give her space etc...

No but the time you don't spend with her, is spent thinking about her, building your paranoia up, then when you see her, your down and upset. Of course you will think about her, just look forward to seeing her and be sure to have lots to ell her, but also be ready to listen to her.

Yeah, I will lay off that for a while. But like you said, if she doesn't call or text I'll get worried and what not, and that's when the para's start kicking in.

Indeed, you are unfortunately paranoid, try to ignore these feelings, and text someone else, play a game, see some friends, read, etc just to take your mind off of it. Also, don't always reply to her instantly, keep her on her toes.

Yeah I started to do that today. I just feel so happy with her just have a big grin on my face.

Good lad, that's what it is all about, relationships are meant to make you happy, and be enjoyable, not just about shagging each others brains out (not usually anyway ). Remain positive, confident and happy. It tells her she is doing a good job too. A compliment to a woman without knowing your doing it, brownie points there my boy!

Thanks mate, you've helped me realise a few things. I'll say sorry and everything, and just try to think more positive.

Thanks.

No worries, chin up lad, bright future ahead of you. Says me at 22

 

[Matt-Page]

Girls work on in a flawed way. They "hate" the guy that doesn't give them much attention, but its that guy who they are the most attracted to.

Want to keep her? Play push/pull - Keep her on her toes, don't be predictable. What do I mean by this? Be the nice guy on some days (act like your her bitch, tell her shes your favourite girl etc etc) and on others, be a ******* (ignore her/her calls or get back to her late, cancel seeing her, act aloof, etc)

DO NOT, and I mean do not - be jealous when other guys talk to her all the time. Occasional jealousy will show her you care, and she may even play up talking to other guys just to provoke a jealousy reaction, so its good to show some jealousy once in a while - but thats it!

Sound advice, but this is playing the game, which unfortunately is necessary in this day and age. i did this with a girl when i split from my ex of 5 years, worked a treat but she wasn't right for me.

You need to be a challenge for her, or it is boring. Girls always moan for nice guys, but they really want a bad boy they think they can shape and change. Problem is, most blokes crumble under the pressure when the girl is having a go at us because we know that means no nooky for a while

 

[twistedheat]

Sound advice, but this is playing the game, which unfortunately is necessary in this day and age. i did this with a girl when i split from my ex of 5 years, worked a treat but she wasn't right for me.

You need to be a challenge for her, or it is boring. Girls always moan for nice guys, but they really want a bad boy they think they can shape and change. Problem is, most blokes crumble under the pressure when the girl is having a go at us because we know that means no nooky for a while

It's a sad state of affairs, but ultimately true. If you don't play the game, you automatically lose. I've been with my girlfriend (who is about 2 points, on the 1-10 scale, above me) for the best part of a year now, with no sign of a let up.

 

[The Mad Rapper]

chill or you may push her away!

Quoted For Truth.

If I was going out with someone and they told me they loved me after a week it would freak me out! You are putting far too much pressure on her, just leave the heavy emotions at the door or she's going to run a mile.

Listen and act upon this advice, or don't come crying here later...

 

[Vita]

So naturally you are going to be insecure, it's natural so don't beat yourself up about it. It's not your fault and there is no quick fix. It's a long road, but you have to just let what happens, happen. Your a new man now with a new woman, try to just relax about these things, and in time, you will feel comfortable with her being away from you.

Yeah, everytime I've been left it's been some crap reason. One time I known this girl since childhood, got with her I was young @ 16, and she cheated on me 3 times in 1 year . Other reasons were like, oh I don't want someone and then 4months down the line they're with someone else. I feel calm now and laid back.

I get you. Your feeling insecure because your ex and others have left you. There is nothing worse than being left by someone, whether that be death or in a relationship/friendship, believe me i have had my share. You really have to appreciate yourself before anyone else will. If you ask any girl, a guy who is down on himself and puts himself down is off-putting. Are you overweight? Spotty? No matter what it is, it isn't a problem unless you make it a problem. Most people are not shallow enough to look into this. Love thyself. Remember bud, she chose you, she wants YOU, not some pretty boy in a club. Keep it that way. Ignore the other blokes, their drunk/horny and just enjoy looking at her, and why shouldn't they? Just feel complimented that they like her, and tell yourself you have got a right cracker!

I'm not spotty or overweight, not being bigheaded but I am a good looking fella . Problem is, these guys look because she's well known and as you know rumoures spread and she was/is known for being abit of a tart. I don't belive a word of them, but it just annoys me sometimes as why people would say things like those.

No but the time you don't spend with her, is spent thinking about her, building your paranoia up, then when you see her, your down and upset. Of course you will think about her, just look forward to seeing her and be sure to have lots to ell her, but also be ready to listen to her.

You're spot on, but Im not down and upset when I see her. I'm really happy, just love the moments make me happy. I have loads to tell her and same she does to me.

Indeed, you are unfortunately paranoid, try to ignore these feelings, and text someone else, play a game, see some friends, read, etc just to take your mind off of it. Also, don't always reply to her instantly, keep her on her toes.

We don't really text we call each other. But I answer her calls don't like keeping girls on their toes. Just the kind of guy I am. I've never been like this with anyone else, god knows what's happend this time. I'm fine at home, I've started going for drives now. Just to clear my head.

Good lad, that's what it is all about, relationships are meant to make you happy, and be enjoyable, not just about shagging each others brains out (not usually anyway ). Remain positive, confident and happy. It tells her she is doing a good job too. A compliment to a woman without knowing your doing it, brownie points there my boy!

Yeah definatley mate. I will remain positive, confident and happy. It's Ramadan so it's kind of hard to go through so much and not feel abit of strain.

No worries, chin up lad, bright future ahead of you. Says me at 22

Yeah hope so mate, thanks for the support again.

 

[V4NT0M]

You're insecure... Uhmmm... Don't be?

 

[Vita]

I'm not insecure as in general, just of girls

 

[V4NT0M]

I'm not insecure as in general, just of girls

That's what I meant, but there's not much you can do about it really if you feel this way... I guess it's kind of normal to feel this way sometimes, but not if someone is just looking at her, and lol it depends how the bloke touches her.

 

[twistedheat]

I'm not insecure as in general, just of girls

Mate, I know exactly how you feel. I'm the same. It's for that reason I gave you the advice I gave. Believe me, no one wants to play games but sometimes its what you have to do.