Sunday Joke Time!

-westy-

-westy-

-westy-

Soldato
Joined
7 Nov 2002
Posts
12,571
Location
Snorbans, UK
A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye.
It reads:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
10 MILES

He thinks this is a figment of his imagination
and drives on without a second thought. Soon he sees another
sign
which reads:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
5 MILES

Suddenly he begins to realize that these
signs are for real and drives past a third sign saying:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
NEXT RIGHT

His curiosity gets the best of him and
he pulls into the drive. On the far side of the parking lot
is a stone building with a small sign next to the door
reading:

SISTER OF ST. FRANCIS

He climbs the steps and rings the bell.
The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who
asks,
"What may we do for you my son?" He answers, "I saw
your signs along the highway and was interested in possibly
doing
business...." "Very well my son. Please follow me."
He is lead through many winding passages and is soon quite disoriented. The nun stops at a closed door and tells the man, "Please
knock on
this door." He does so and another nun in a long habit,
holding a
tin cup, answers the door. This nun instructs, "Please
place $100 in the cup then go through the large wooden door
at the
end of the hallway." He puts $100 in the cup, eagerly
trots down the hall and slips through the door pulling it
shut
behind him. The door locks and he finds himself back in the
parking lot facing another sign:

GO IN PEACE. YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED
BY THE SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS. SERVES YOU RIGHT, YOU SINNER.
 
lol, pretty good. :cool:
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This chap walks into a pub and to his astonishment, notices that there's a chap stood at the bar who has a huge orange for a head. Despite his curiousity, the chap decides not to pry and sits down quietly.

After a few drinks, curiosity has overcome the chap and he decides to enquire.

"Excuse me, mate, but I couldn't help noticing you have a big orange for a head. What happened?"

"Well," says the man with the big orange for a head, "I moved into a large old house not so long ago. One afternoon, I decided to explore the attic and found an old brass lamp in the corner. I rubbed the lamp and a Genie popped out, explained he had been trapped in there for two hundred years, and would grant me three wishes for releasing him."

"So what did you ask for first?" asks the curious chap.

"I asked for ten million pounds. The Genie clapped his hands, there was a flash of lightning, and he asked me to phone the bank, who confirmed my balance was now ten million pounds!"

"What did you ask for with your second wish?"

"Well, I asked if I could make love to the ten most beautiful women in the world. Again, the Genie clapped his hands, there was a flash of lightning, and the doorbell rang. Ten supermodels ran in, picked me up, carried me to bed, and ravished me all night!"

"Wow," says the curious chap, "What did you ask for with your third wish?"

"Well, I asked for a big orange for a head."
 
Two sausages are cooking in a frying pan.

One sausage turns to the other and says, "is it hot in here?"

the other sausage turns and screams, "ARGH! TALKING SAUSAGE!"



*dont worry, i was already wearing my coat when i wrote it :D
 
marcus25 said:
Two sausages are cooking in a frying pan.

One sausage turns to the other and says, "is it hot in here?"

the other sausage turns and screams, "ARGH! TALKING SAUSAGE!"



*dont worry, i was already wearing my coat when i wrote it :D
Click to expand...

:/
 
marcus25 said:
Two sausages are cooking in a frying pan.

One sausage turns to the other and says, "is it hot in here?"

the other sausage turns and screams, "ARGH! TALKING SAUSAGE!"
Click to expand...

Great too, but I think I've heard it before in a muffin version.
 
A bear and a Rabbit are walking in the woods when they come across a magic lamp, they rub it and a genie comes out.

"I will grant you 3 wishes each" says the genie.
"Ooo, let me go first" shouts the bear, "I wish all the bears in this forest apart from me, are lady bears"
"Wish granted, rabbit what is your first wish"
"I wish for 10,000 carrots" there is a puff of smoke and 10,000 carrots appear.
"Your second wish Bear", says the genie
"I wish all the bears in the UK apart from me were lady bears"
"Wish granted, rabbit your second wish"
"I wish for a Harley Davidson" another puff of smoke and a Harley Davidson appears.
"Your last wish bear" says the genie.
"I wish all the bears in the world apart from me, were lady bears"
"Wish granted, now rabbit what is your last wish"
The rabbit points to the bear and says












"I wish he was gay" :D :D




Sorry i'll get my coat and the taxi is pre-booked :p
 
Last edited:
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