Sunday Joke

barnettgs · 23 Sep 2007 at 13:53

Here's my first joke thread:

First-year students at Texas A&M's Vet School were receiving their first anatomy class, with a real dead cow. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.

The professor started the class by telling them, "In vet medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor: The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the animal body.

For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the dead cow, withdrew it and stuck it in his mouth. "Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students.

The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes. But eventually took turns sticking a finger in the anal opening of the dead cow and sucking on it.

When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and told them "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention."

4p · 23 Sep 2007 at 13:59

jaykay · 23 Sep 2007 at 14:00

LOL i liked that one.

Greenlizard0 · 23 Sep 2007 at 14:03

Mmmmm.....tasty for a sunday morning.

topgun06 · 23 Sep 2007 at 14:03

Haha I like

Yas786 · 23 Sep 2007 at 14:04

Old one and usually done with a cadaver in medical school...well thats the version i keep hearing lol

...

barnettgs · 23 Sep 2007 at 14:14

Ha, I'm in the process of deleting my old e-mails!

Here's the another joke I found, not sure if you have all heard it before.

Liverpool’s manager flies to Baghdad to watch a young Iraqi play football and is suitably impressed and arranges for him to come over to England.

Two weeks later Liverpool are 4-0 down to Barnsley with only 20 minutes left. The manager gives the young Iraqi striker the nod and on he goes.

The lad is a sensation - scores 5 goals in 20 minutes and wins the game for Liverpool! The fans are delighted, the players and coaches are delighted and the media love the new star.

When the player comes off the pitch he phones his mum to tell her about his first day in English football.

"Hello mum, guess what?" he says in an Iraqi accent. "I played for 20 minutes today, we were 4-0 down but I scored 5 and we won. Everybody loves me, the fans, the media, they all love me."

"Wonderful," says his mum, "Let me tell you about my day. Your father got shot in the street and robbed, your sister and I were ambushed, gang raped and beaten and your brother has joined a gang of looters, and all while you were having such great time."

The young lad is very upset, "What can I say mum, but I'm so sorry."

"Sorry?!!! Sorry?!!!" says his mum, "It's your bloody fault we moved to Liverpool in the first place!"

Gog · 23 Sep 2007 at 14:19

The Iranian Ambassador to the United Nations had just finished giving a speech, and walked out into the lobby where he met President Bush. They shook hands, and as they walked the Iranian said,

"You know, I have just one question about what I have seen in America. My son watches this show 'Star Trek' and in it there is Chekhov who is Russian, Scotty who is Scottish, and Sulu who is Chinese, but no Iranians. My son is very upset and doesn't understand why there aren't any Iranians on Star Trek."

President Bush laughed, leaned toward the Iranian ambassador, and whispered back,

"It's because it takes place in the future."

XPE · 23 Sep 2007 at 14:22

So far all good jokes

topgun06 · 23 Sep 2007 at 14:32

Gog said:
snip

Haha very good

blighter · 23 Sep 2007 at 14:33

How do you know policemen are strong?

They can hold up traffic.

/runs

alexakasloth · 23 Sep 2007 at 14:35

Haha 3 great jokes

Docaroo · 23 Sep 2007 at 14:51

wow a completely above average joke thread for once! well done!

Coran · 23 Sep 2007 at 14:51

I think we've had this one before but it's well worth a repost.

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go camping, and pitch their tent under the stars.

During the night, Holmes wakes his companion and says: "Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you can deduce."

Watson says: "I see millions of stars, and even if a few of those have planets, it's quite likely there are some planets like Earth, and if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life."

Holmes replies: "Watson, you idiot. Somebody stole our tent ..."

jaykay · 23 Sep 2007 at 14:53

LOl these are all good.

GeForce · 23 Sep 2007 at 14:56

I'm suitably impressed as well as amused by this thread

Sprite · 23 Sep 2007 at 15:04

loved the Bush one

Swordfish · 23 Sep 2007 at 15:08

Here's my effort...

One winter morning a husband and his blonde wife in northern Ohio were
listening to the radio during breakfast when they heard the announcer say,
"We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car
on the even-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get
through."So the good wife went out and moved her car.A week later while
they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer said, "We are
expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the
odd-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get through."Again,
the good wife went out and moved her car.The next week they are again
having breakfast, when the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 12 to 14
inches of snow today. You must park..."Just at that moment, the electric
power went out.The good wife was very upset, and with a worried look on her
face she said, "Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do
I need to park on so the snowplows can get through?"With the love and
understanding in his voice that all men who are married to Blondes exhibit,
the husband replied, "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?"

GeForce · 23 Sep 2007 at 16:10

Swordfish said:
<snip>

:\

topgun06 · 23 Sep 2007 at 16:15

Another good one