Sunday Joke

barnettgs

barnettgs

barnettgs

Soldato
Joined
22 Jan 2005
Posts
2,834
Location
N Ireland
Apparently from the Sun.

Dear Deidre,

I have been engaged for almost a year. I am to be married next month. My fiancee's mother is not only very attractive but really great and understanding. She is putting the entire wedding together and invited me to her place to go over the invitation list because it had grown a bit beyond what we had expected it to be.

When I got to her place we reviewed the list and trimmed it down to just under a hundred...then she floored me. She said that in a month I would be a married man and that before that happened, she wanted to have sex with me. Then she just stood up and walked to her bedroom and on her way said that I knew where the front door was if I wanted to leave. I stood there for about five minutes and finally decided that I knew exactly how to deal with this situation. I headed straight out the front door...

There, leaning against my car was her husband, my father-in-law to be. He was smiling. He explained that they just wanted to be sure I was a good kid and would be true to their little girl. I shook his hand and he congratulated me on passing their little test.

Deidre, should I tell my fiancee what her parents did, and that I thought their "little test" was asinine and insulting to my character?

Or should I keep the whole thing to myself including the fact that the reason I was walking out to my car was to get a condom?

Yours

Steve Hankins
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Paddy decided to rob a bank. He got all the gear together - stocking mask, sawn-off shotgun, getaway car and so on. But he realised his accent would mark him out as Irish, so he took elocution lessons for almost a year until he could finally pass as an Englishman.

On the day of the robbery he donned his mask, rushed into the bank and said, "I say there, I'm terribly sorry but this is a robbery. Be a good chap and fill this sack with lots of lovely lolly."

The cashier said, "You're Irish aren't you?"

Paddy was astonished. "How the divil did ye figure dat out?", he asked.

The cashier replied, "It was easy, you've sawn the wrong end off your shotgun!"
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MarcLister said:
Say what now? :confused::D
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:( Now I look really stupid...more so than normal. :(

Have an ooold joke...which may be a bit risqué...

A man was in a long line at the grocery store, and as he got to the register he realized he had forgotten to get condoms, so he asked the checkout girl if she could have some brought up to the register.

She asked, "What size condoms?" The customer replied that he didn't know.

She asked him to drop his pants. He did, she reached over the counter, grabbed hold of him and called over the intercom, "One box of large condoms, Register 5."

The next man in line thought this was interesting, and like most of us, was up for a cheap thrill. When he got to the register, he told the checker that he too had forgotten to get condoms, and asked if she could have some brought to the register for him. She asked him what size, and he stated that he didn't know.

She asked him to drop his pants. He did, she gave him a quick feel, picked up the intercom and said, "One box of medium-sized condoms, Register 5."

A few customers back was this teenage boy. He thought what he had seen was way too cool. He had never had any type of sexual contact with a live female so he thought this was his chance. When he got to the register he told the checker he needed some condoms. She asked him what size and he said he didn't know.

She asked him to drop his pants and he did. She reached over the counter, gave him one quick squeeze, then picked up the intercom and said...

"Cleanup, Register 5!"
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InvG
 
After learning of the possible closure of his Neverland Ranch, Michael Jackson has told of his intention to build a brand new dinosaur theme park. He's promised that every kid who visits will leave with a megasoreass.
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InvaderGIR said:
Which one?

Mine was from 2002...well the text file was dated 2002, which means it's atleast that old! :D

InvG
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The OP i've heard many times before.

yours isn't as bad, although it does seem familiar, but it's bloody funny =D
 
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