Sundays Joke

Sonea Fifer

Sonea Fifer

Sonea Fifer

Soldato
Joined
13 Dec 2006
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On the forest moon Endor
Yes am bored at work again - in case anyone comments on my time of posting :p


A man runs into the vet's office carrying his dog, screaming for help. The vet rushes him back to an examination room and has him put his dog down on the examination table. The vet examines the still, limp body and after a few moments tells the man that his dog, regrettably, is dead.

The man, clearly agitated and not willing to accept this, demands a second opinion.
The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat and puts the cat down next to the dog's body. The cat sniffs the body, walks from head to tail poking and sniffing the dog's body and finally looks at the vet and meows.

The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead too." The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead.

The vet brings in a black labrador. The lab sniffs the body, walks from head to tail, and finally looks at the vet and barks.

The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the lab thinks your dog is dead too."
The man, finally resigned to the diagnosis, thanks the vet and asks how much he owes.
The vet answers, "£650."

"£650 to tell me my dog is dead?" exclaimed the man.

"Well," the vet replies, "I would only have charged you £50 for my initial diagnosis. The additional £600 was for the cat scan and lab tests."
 
Last edited:
Haha very good :D

Ill av a ganda

Two west country shepherds, Bert and Arthur are in the pub arguing about who has the best sheepdog.

"Rover's so smart," says Bert, "I can give him five instructions at the same time and hell carry them out to perfection."

To demonstrate, Bert whistles for his dog and tells him to go back to the yard, select a ram, bring him into town and load him into the truck outside the pub. Ten minutes later, Rovers back, shepherding a large ram down the high street. He jumps into the truck, drops the tailgate and drives the ram in.

"Thats nothing," says Arthur. "I only have to whistle and point and Fido will anticipate the whole exercise. Watch this... Fido, i want some food."

Arther whistles and points, and Fido streaks off down the street to a farm five miles out of town. He races into chicken house, nudges a hen off the nest and genlty picks up and egg. He then runs back to town and places the eff at his masters feet.

Next, he gathers a few sticks and lights a fire, grabs a pan of water, sets it on the fire and drops the egg into the simmering water. After exactly four minute, Rover removes the perfectly boiled egg from the pan and lays it at his masters feet. Then he stands on his head.

"Thats brilliant," says Bert, amazed, "but whys he standing on his head?"

"he knows i haven't got an egg cup," says Arthur.
 
What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection?
A quarter pounder with cheese.


Did you hear about the dyslexic pimp?
He bought a warehouse.


Two zebras are talking and one asks the other, "Am I black with white
stripes or white with black stripes?" The other replies, "Well I don't
know. You should pray to God about that and ask him." So that night he did
and God replied, "You are what you are." The next day he said to the other
zebra, "I still don't understand what I am because God just said, You are
what you are." The second zebra responds, "You must be white with black
stripes or else God would have said, Yo is what yo is."


A Texan bought a round of drinks for all in the bar and said that his wife had just produced "a typical Texas baby" weighing twenty pounds.
Two weeks later he returned to the bar. The bartender recognized him and asked, "Aren't you the father of the typical Texas baby that weighed twenty pounds at birth?"
"Yup, shore am!"
"How much does he weigh now?"
The proud father answered, "Ten pounds."
The bartender said, "Why, what happened? He did weigh twenty pounds."
The proud Texas father said, "Jest had him circumcised!"
 
Imagine this scenario:

You are in a car, a shiny red convertible. To your left is a sheer drop. To your right is a fire engine. In front of you is a huge galloping horse, as big as your car. Behind you is a helicopter flying at road level. On and on you all go, always at the same speed. How do you get out of this situation?








Get off the merry-go-round.
 
Thorpy said:
Haha very good :D

Ill av a ganda

Two west country shepherds, Bert and Arthur are in the pub arguing about who has the best sheepdog.

"Rover's so smart," says Bert, "I can give him five instructions at the same time and hell carry them out to perfection."

To demonstrate, Bert whistles for his dog and tells him to go back to the yard, select a ram, bring him into town and load him into the truck outside the pub. Ten minutes later, Rovers back, shepherding a large ram down the high street. He jumps into the truck, drops the tailgate and drives the ram in.

"Thats nothing," says Arthur. "I only have to whistle and point and Fido will anticipate the whole exercise. Watch this... Fido, i want some food."

Arther whistles and points, and Fido streaks off down the street to a farm five miles out of town. He races into chicken house, nudges a hen off the nest and genlty picks up and egg. He then runs back to town and places the eff at his masters feet.

Next, he gathers a few sticks and lights a fire, grabs a pan of water, sets it on the fire and drops the egg into the simmering water. After exactly four minute, Rover removes the perfectly boiled egg from the pan and lays it at his masters feet. Then he stands on his head.

"Thats brilliant," says Bert, amazed, "but whys he standing on his head?"

"he knows i haven't got an egg cup," says Arthur.
Click to expand...

Brilliant :cool:
 
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