I am in an extremely difficult situation at the moment. I've received feedback from friends, family and my lovely mother. I have thought about it, but unfortunately, time is not a luxury I have right now and I need to make a solid decision, in the next 24 hours.
Without sharing too much private information, I will speak of my situation somewhat metaphorically, although still true. I want to give a little background about myself first and then I'd appreciate some feedback.
I'm a 22 year old guy. When I was 16, I dropped out of High School. I thought I was obviously 'too cool for school'. Obviously, I regret that very silly mistake now, but things didn't turn out as bas as I thought.
I spent many years studying ICT, Music, Art and Languages at college; trying to figure out what I wished to do with myself, where I had real passion. But the problem was that I have a very inquiring mind and I was somewhat passionate about most things although, mainly artistic or creative.
Anyway, I studied hard, worked some boring retail jobs and even washed dishes at a Chinese restaurant. Cash in hand, all illegal, but I was 15, what did I care? But I won't go off-topic.
I know now that I wish to study business. This is one thing I'm passionate about outside of my artistic qualities, and I believe I could do extremely well in management role, in the future. So that's that. That isn't my confusion.
When I was 21, I was living at home with my mother and two brothers, I was fed-up of Liverpool, all the chavs that seem to be ever-rising in numbers, anti-social behaviour and just, generally, people's unmotivated and miserable behaviour towards every aspect of life and day-to-day living.
Sitting in my room, browsing the 'net and feeling totally ******-off with pretty much everything, I booked a flight to China. A country I had always been extremely interested in, probably due to the fact it still holds a lot of its cultural values, and with pride. Something that only exists in England via violence after a football match, or some psuedo-pride Diana concert.
I arrived in China, met an employer and got a job teaching English. I won't go into this as I have done before, but I was fired after 6 months (along with 3 others) for no reason. I guess they couldn't pay everyone, so picked names out of a hat.
I was gonna go home after this, but I started doing freelance work. Mainly graphic design and web development. Because of the low cost of living in China, I could sustain a nice, healthy and social lifestyle. So I stayed.
Come May this year, I went on holiday to Thailand. I had been feeling kinda let down by China. Not in a negative way, but just a lot of the smaller things like food quality, pollution, cleanliness etc.
Thailand was beautiful. I thought it would be similar to China, but it's a totally different place. I fell in love with the place, basically. I've been home 2 months since then... and, to be honest, all the struggling in China has made me want to leave. Not out of hate or depression, but I need a break from this place at the moment, but I do love it and it will be a place I will visit often in my life. Perhaps even live here again.
This is where my confusion comes into play.
I want to go home, because I do actually miss some things. The food, being able to speak to people and be fully understood in my native language, the people (I guess there are positives), my family, friends and especially my mother. As well as the peace of mind I would have.
But, saying that, I don't want to even hint to my sub-conscious mind that I have 'given up' and I'm settling for an easier life. I don't want that or to end up sitting in a room again, surrounded by the same stuff that was responsible for me wanting to leave in the first place.
... but Thailand.
Thailand offers the 'extras' that China doesn't. It also offers some stuff I don't like, but I'm not interested in those and they're easily overlooked. Without sharing too much, there is an opportunity in Thailand, or maybe at least. This is a good opportunity... but, who really knows. Being away from home, in a foreign land, you never really 'know' much of anything.
My confusion stems from the fact that I want to study Business and actually do something, while I'm young and mature enough (but not too old) to make important decisions that will build surroundings of the rest of my life.
The opportunity in Thailand may not work out, that depends on a whole lot of factors and it is not business related but, while there, I would have the opportunity to go to University and study. Although, I would have to still earn a living to keep myself afloat.
Now, the problem....
... the problem is that this opportunity in Thailand might not exist if I just go home for a break (which would be ideal). In the best circumstances, I would be able to go home, save money, plan everything out for 3 months... and head back to Thailand. But that's not possible.
In England, I would go to Uni, would have to stay with family again (that is possibly a bad thing), but I would only need to pay keep, which is a tiny fraction of what living by yourself costs, thus being able to save money.
I consider Thailand 'taking a chance'... as what could be waiting for me, would be wonderful, but it would be hard work to sustain a living. I guess I could teach again, but going to Uni at the same time might prove difficult.
Jesus, this post is so long, sorry about that... as you can probably guess, I'm having a hard time coming to ANY kind of a decision, and I only have 24 hours to do so.
Taking into account my age, aspirations and my current situation. What do you think? What is your opinion? What would YOU do, and why? I understand that only I should be answering these questions, but I have an equal number of pros and cons for each decision.
My rental contract on my apartment here runs out soon, and my residency permit also expires. China is not an issue, and I know I definitely want to leave here, although it's not for negative reasons at all really.
Thinking about it... I just realised I have about 5 hours to decide something, but either one I choose could and probably will result in huge regrets. Actually, it's pretty certain.
Boo hoo.
Without sharing too much private information, I will speak of my situation somewhat metaphorically, although still true. I want to give a little background about myself first and then I'd appreciate some feedback.
I'm a 22 year old guy. When I was 16, I dropped out of High School. I thought I was obviously 'too cool for school'. Obviously, I regret that very silly mistake now, but things didn't turn out as bas as I thought.
I spent many years studying ICT, Music, Art and Languages at college; trying to figure out what I wished to do with myself, where I had real passion. But the problem was that I have a very inquiring mind and I was somewhat passionate about most things although, mainly artistic or creative.
Anyway, I studied hard, worked some boring retail jobs and even washed dishes at a Chinese restaurant. Cash in hand, all illegal, but I was 15, what did I care? But I won't go off-topic.
I know now that I wish to study business. This is one thing I'm passionate about outside of my artistic qualities, and I believe I could do extremely well in management role, in the future. So that's that. That isn't my confusion.
When I was 21, I was living at home with my mother and two brothers, I was fed-up of Liverpool, all the chavs that seem to be ever-rising in numbers, anti-social behaviour and just, generally, people's unmotivated and miserable behaviour towards every aspect of life and day-to-day living.
Sitting in my room, browsing the 'net and feeling totally ******-off with pretty much everything, I booked a flight to China. A country I had always been extremely interested in, probably due to the fact it still holds a lot of its cultural values, and with pride. Something that only exists in England via violence after a football match, or some psuedo-pride Diana concert.
I arrived in China, met an employer and got a job teaching English. I won't go into this as I have done before, but I was fired after 6 months (along with 3 others) for no reason. I guess they couldn't pay everyone, so picked names out of a hat.
I was gonna go home after this, but I started doing freelance work. Mainly graphic design and web development. Because of the low cost of living in China, I could sustain a nice, healthy and social lifestyle. So I stayed.
Come May this year, I went on holiday to Thailand. I had been feeling kinda let down by China. Not in a negative way, but just a lot of the smaller things like food quality, pollution, cleanliness etc.
Thailand was beautiful. I thought it would be similar to China, but it's a totally different place. I fell in love with the place, basically. I've been home 2 months since then... and, to be honest, all the struggling in China has made me want to leave. Not out of hate or depression, but I need a break from this place at the moment, but I do love it and it will be a place I will visit often in my life. Perhaps even live here again.
This is where my confusion comes into play.
I want to go home, because I do actually miss some things. The food, being able to speak to people and be fully understood in my native language, the people (I guess there are positives), my family, friends and especially my mother. As well as the peace of mind I would have.
But, saying that, I don't want to even hint to my sub-conscious mind that I have 'given up' and I'm settling for an easier life. I don't want that or to end up sitting in a room again, surrounded by the same stuff that was responsible for me wanting to leave in the first place.
... but Thailand.
Thailand offers the 'extras' that China doesn't. It also offers some stuff I don't like, but I'm not interested in those and they're easily overlooked. Without sharing too much, there is an opportunity in Thailand, or maybe at least. This is a good opportunity... but, who really knows. Being away from home, in a foreign land, you never really 'know' much of anything.
My confusion stems from the fact that I want to study Business and actually do something, while I'm young and mature enough (but not too old) to make important decisions that will build surroundings of the rest of my life.
The opportunity in Thailand may not work out, that depends on a whole lot of factors and it is not business related but, while there, I would have the opportunity to go to University and study. Although, I would have to still earn a living to keep myself afloat.
Now, the problem....
... the problem is that this opportunity in Thailand might not exist if I just go home for a break (which would be ideal). In the best circumstances, I would be able to go home, save money, plan everything out for 3 months... and head back to Thailand. But that's not possible.
In England, I would go to Uni, would have to stay with family again (that is possibly a bad thing), but I would only need to pay keep, which is a tiny fraction of what living by yourself costs, thus being able to save money.
I consider Thailand 'taking a chance'... as what could be waiting for me, would be wonderful, but it would be hard work to sustain a living. I guess I could teach again, but going to Uni at the same time might prove difficult.
Jesus, this post is so long, sorry about that... as you can probably guess, I'm having a hard time coming to ANY kind of a decision, and I only have 24 hours to do so.
Taking into account my age, aspirations and my current situation. What do you think? What is your opinion? What would YOU do, and why? I understand that only I should be answering these questions, but I have an equal number of pros and cons for each decision.
My rental contract on my apartment here runs out soon, and my residency permit also expires. China is not an issue, and I know I definitely want to leave here, although it's not for negative reasons at all really.
Thinking about it... I just realised I have about 5 hours to decide something, but either one I choose could and probably will result in huge regrets. Actually, it's pretty certain.
Boo hoo.