The 'Bad Dad Joke' thread....

[SPG]

James....

You know why Goldfish are red ?

The water makes them rusty....


James who is 5 is no longer talking to me

 

[Mysterae_]

Two old women are standing at a bus stop in the rain. "Would you like a ciggie?" Mavis asks. "Nah, it'll just get wet" answered Deidre. "Ah, what you want to do is this" said Mavis and then demonstrated by taking out a condom, rolling it down the cigarette and then biting the end of it to make a hole. After lighting the cigarette and taking a drag Mavis says "See, keeps it dry - just keep rolling it down as you smoke!". "Well I'll be darned, that's a marvellous idea!" said Deirdre.

Later that day Deirdre goes to her local chemist and asks the young male at the counter "Can I have 20 condoms please?". Perplexed and a bit embarrassed at what a lady of her age could be doing with 20 condoms, he asks "Certainly madam, what size would you like?". "Eh... big enough to fit on a Camel" replied Deirdre.

 

[D.P.]

We've been married 30 years, the great train robbers didn't even get that.

If I killed my wife when i first met her I would be out of prison by now.

 

[D.P.]

2 Nuns in a shower

nun 1 "where's the soap?"

nun 2 "yes it does doesn't it!"

The trouble is this joke never works. Correct English would require either "wears down the soap" or "wears out the soap", and like that the the joke is gone.

 

[Sandycheeks]

Newly married couple walk in to the honeymoon hotel, the girl behind the desk asks "do you have any reservations?"
The bride says " well I'm not too sure about taking it up the xxxx!"