The most messed up day of my life (UPDATED)

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GTA

GTA

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The most messed up day of my life. - UPDATED

FIRST SECTION BELOW. UPDATE/SEQUEL ABOUT 100 POSTS DOWN.


This has been the most messed up disturbing day of my entire life. Now, I bet some of you are thinking that I'm exagerating. Let me assume you, after you read what happened to me today, you'll understand why i'm sitting here wrapped in a blanket, chewing handfuls of prozac tablets.

I should start at the beginning.

I got up pretty early this morning, I had a one hour exam at 9.00am that didn't go all that great, so I decided to blow off some steam and go round to see one of my friends and have a few drinks. Rob doesn't live on campus, so what I normally do is drive over there, spend the day drinking with him, go out in the evening, stay over and drive back in the morning.

I got to his house at about midday, and knocked on the door. It wasn't Rob that answered though, it was some middle aged woman, in a business suit. She pulled open the door and said "Wow, who are you?"

"wow"? I thought, thats strange, and if she means me, thats pretty cool. But I pushed it to the back of my mind. "I'm Paul, Rob's mate. Who are you?" I said.

It turned out that she was Rob's mum. Apparantly, She was staying with Rob for a few weeks while her house was being renovated. She said "Errm, Robert should be back soon, you wanna come in and wait?"

"Sure" I said. So we both went inside and sat in the living room. She dissapeared for a second, and came back with two glasses of red wine, gave one glass to me and sat down next to me on the sofa. This was a bit strange... its a big sofa, and I'd sat on one end, but instead of her sitting on one of the chairs, or the other end of the sofa, she was sitting so close to me that our hips were touching. I decided the best thing to do would be to ignore it.

Anyway, long story short, it turned out that she was really easy to talk to, and helped by quite a lot of wine, we had a really nice chat. She kept topping up my glass, and before I knew it, I was fairly drunk, and as you do, I started checking her out.

She was actually pretty hot. Tall, short brown hair, nice face, a little bit heavy set perhaps, but extremely sexy for her years, and besides, I have a bit of a thing for women in business suits. Despite all that, I knew nothing was going to happen, Rob would be back soon, she was old enough to be my mother, and besides, I have a
girlfriend.

For all those reasons, I was somewhat taken by surprise when she suddenly grabbed my face and kissed me. I pulled away, shocked, and blurted out "I have a girlfriend, Rob's gonna be back soon, and you're..." I stopped there, deciding that calling her old would be a bit nasty.

She replied: "I'm really sorry, but I lied to you. Rob won't be back for a day or so, he's gone to visit his father... I just saw you on the doorstep looking all sexy and I knew I had to have you."

This took me totally off-gaurd. Women, as an unbreakable rule, don't find me sexy. I felt all complimented and cool that this woman actually thought I was hot. It was my undoing.

Before I knew what had happened, she's kissing me again, I'm kissing back, and we're tearing each other's clothes off as we race upstairs. She throws me on the bed, and we start fooling around. Fairly soon, we're both down to her uderwear, and she's lying on top of me, kissing my neck.

All well and good so far you might think. You'd be wrong.

I feel a slight pressure on my wrist, and a clicking noise. Its was hard to look up, because she's nuzzled into my shoulder, but then I feel my arm jerked upwards, and another clicking noise. Then she got off me.

I look up, and my left wrist is handcuffed to the headboard.

"What the hell are you doing?!??!?" I scream. She looks down at me, lying there in my pants. "I just thought, you know, we could get a bit kinky, know what I mean?" She says.

Now, I do know what she means, and in certain circmstances, I might be into that sort of thing, but not with someone who I first met an hour ago, and is the mother of one of my best mates.

"Errmm, I'm not really comfortable with this" I say "would you mind letting me out of the cuffs?"

"Don't be silly darling" she replies, dimming the lights. "Just relax and enjoy it. I'm going to do things to you that you never even dreamed of." She puts the key to the cuffs on the bedside table, just out of my reach.

Hmmm, I like the sound of that, I think to myself. "I like the sound of that" I say.

"Good. Now just stay there and relax honey, I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. I'll be right back." And she leaves the room.

So, I'm lying there handcuffed to my mate's mum's bed, feeling a mixture of fear, horniness, and embarassment that the pants i'm wearing have seen better days and are kinda frayed.

Time passes, and more time passes. The clock on the wall tells me that I've been here for about 20 minutes now. Just as I start to get really worried that she's left me there, and Rob is going to come back, find me there, and not be too impressed that I've tried to score with his mum, the bedroom door opens again, and she comes back inside. At least, I think its her.

Its kind of hard to tell, because whoever it is is wearing a full size leopard suit made of very realistic looking yellow and black fur, has painted their face yellow, and drawn on some whiskers.

"HOLY MOTHER OF CRAP!" I scream. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU WEARING!??!"

"I'm a furry." She says. "I like to dress up like an animal for sexual pleasure."

No ****, I think. At least its her and not someone else dressed as a leopard.

"It doesn't bother you does it?" She asks, looking kind of angry. At least I think she's angry, its hard to tell what someone's face is doing under an inch of yellow greasepaint. I'm suddenly very aware that I'm handcuffed to the bed.

"ha ha, of course it doesn't bother me! don't be silly" I say, biting back from screaming abuse at this freak.

"Good." She then purred, and pounced on me. Apparantly, she really took this cat thing seriously. Next thing I know, she's rubbing here head on my chest, all the while, purring, apparantly oblivious to the fact that she's smearing my body with yellow paint, and smudging her whiskers.

I decide I better not make her mad. After all, she's a 6 foot talking leopard. "Oooo, thats nice!" I say, just as things become even more disturbing. She starts to lick down my stomach, and not in a good way, its a bit rough. Then I realise what she's doing. She's cleaning me.... like a mother cat. Urrrrrrg, this is the sickest thing ever. "Ooooo, I like that!" I say.

I realise I need to escape. And to escape, I need that damn key. Its just out of reach on the bedside table. I need help. I think fast.

"Oooo, this is really hot" I say. "Turn round so I can see your tail!" ( yes, her crazy leopard suit has a full on tail )

She giggles and turns round to face away from me, still on all fours.

"wave that tail around! WOOO! YEAH!" I shout. She likes that idea, obviously, because she starts vigerously swinging her tail from side to side. Unfortunatly, it keeps smacking me in the face. However, this tail is just what I need to give me some extra reach. I grab the end of it with my free hand, and try to sweep the handcuff key onto the bed. After about three or four tries, I get it, and quickly hide the key in my palm.

Unfortunatly, all this tail tugging has got her somewhat excited. "Don't stop!" she moans urgently. So, hating myself every second, and trying to look away, I start pulling her tail, harder and harder, while she gets more and more excited.

This is where my situation, admittedly not great to start with, gets even worse, as her tail comes off in my hand with a load rip.

Immediatly, she spins round, screaming her head off. "WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU DONE YOU LITTLE ****!" I manage a grin as she stares at the torn tail in my hand.

I have to move fast. I shove her off me, and she falls off the bed with a bump. I quickly scramble to undo the cuffs. She's just getting to her feet as I manage to get them detached from the headboard. I spring off the bed, and quickly grab my wallet and keys from the dresser and make a dash for the door.

I half run, half fall down the stairs, stumble into the hall and start fumbling with the locks on the front door, just as she gets to the top of the stairs, still screaming and with a face like bright yellow thunder.

I'm moaning softly to myself, thinking something along the lines of "I'm going to be on the news, dumped in a river with my hand cut off and shoved in my mouth" when finally the last lock comes free and I bolt out of the door, with her in hot pursuit.

My car is parked on the road, and I manage to dive inside and lock the doors, just as she skids to a halt next to the driver's door, still dressed as a leopard, and starts banging on the window, screaming "GET THE HELL OUT HERE YOU LITTLE *******! I'LL RIP YOUR NUTS OFF!"

"NOT LIKELY YOU ******* PSYCHO!" I shout back, "I SHOULD REPORT YOU TO THE RSPCA OR SOMETHING YOU FREAKY WITCH!"

We're still screaming abuse at each other as she moves round to start in the front of the car, glaring at me through the windscreen. "You're not going anywhere!" she says in a soft threatening voice. "Not unless you're willing to run me over... and you havn't got the balls!"

Thats what she thinks.

Unfortunatly, she's right. I can't run her over, even if she is a total nutbag. I look around the car.

"MAYBE NOT, BUT I CAN SHOW ALL YOUR NEIGHBOURS YOUR LITTLE FETISH YOU GODDAMN FREAK!" I yell, and start hammering the horn for all I'm worth. At this, she gives a little yell and runs back inside the house, vainly trying to cover up her fur-clad body with her hands.

I sink back into my seat, exhausted. Its been a tough couple of hours. I'm still only wearing my pants, my chest is covered in yellow paint and drool, and I've got a set of handcuffs dangling from one wrist. I do a quick check... at least I havn't crapped myself.

I start the car and look back at the house of horrors, I can see her bright yellow face at one of the windows on the top floor, peeking through the curtains, so I open the sunroof and flip her off as I drive away down the street.
 
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GTA

GTA

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Well, my day just got a whole lot worse, as the gods of fate once again crap in the bag of chips that is my life.

Here's what's happened since my first post.

----------------------

So I'm sitting at my desk, fresh out of the shower, and now blissfully free of paint, drool, and with the handcuffs+key stowed safely away in my drawer for "personal use" when my phone throws up some SMS beeps.

Its Rob.

"my mum sed u went round, soz, not there, at dads place. u left sumthing at the house, she sed u **** go pick it up"

At this, I'm raging with, well, rage. Not least because txt spk gets right on my ****.

I start screaming at my phone. "OF COURSE I BLOODY LEFT SOMETHING AT THE HOUSE!!! I LEFT A LOT OF THINGS, MY DIGNITY, SELF RESPECT, AS WELL AS MY ******* TROUSERS!!!"

I'm halfway through dialing his number to inform him that his mum is a screwed up skank, having already resigned myself to losing his friendship, when I start to think clearly. I put the phone down and reconsider.

His mum is never going to tell him what we did, she can't without revealing that she a) seduced me, and b) dresses as a leopard to get her jollies. Maybe there's a way for me to remain friends with this guy, after all, its not his fault that his mum is a headcase.

The way I see it, I've got limited options. I decide to go round to the house, and if worst comes to worst, and she attacks me, unless she's got a weapon, I can just kick her ass, get my clothes back, and then leave.

She's not getting the bloody handcuffs back though.

So I get dressed, text Rob back telling him I'm going over there, and head off. I drive to the house, park up and knock on the door. Mrs. Rob answers, very polite, and thanks god, not dressed as a leopard any more. She invites me inside, and I sit on the sofa, where the clothes I left behind the first time are folded up in a neat pile. She sits in a chair opposite me.

"I think we need to talk" she says.

Understatement of the bloody century darling! Only a few hours ago you were trying to rip my balls off.

"Yeah, I think we do" I reply. "Rob is one of my best mates, and I'm sure you don't want him to hear about what happened between us anymore than I do."

"Oh, I agree, I think it would be better if he didn't know about the whole furry thing if possible"

Alarm bells start ringing in my head. Something's wrong, she's being far too nice.

"Okay then," I say "We won't say anything more, I'll just take my clothes and leave" I start to make my way to the door.

Just then, I hear a click from the direction of the front door

I spin round to face her, scared now.

"Is there someone else here?! who the hell else is here?!?"

A very familiar voice from behind me, and my heart sinks.

"Hello Paul"

I spin round so fast I almost fall down. Standing there, with a small penknife in one hand, and a black binliner in the other, is Rob.

"Rob... what are you doing here, and, erm, what are you doing with a knife?" I try to keep my voice calm, but I do a poor job, probably because I'm VERY close to soiling myself.

Thankfully, he looks down at the knife, and says "Oh, ****, forgot I was holding that, I'm finished with it now." He folded the ( pitifully small I now notice ) blade away and put it down on the table.

Well, pant soiling narrowly avoided. But he's still staring at me, but now his expression has rapidly switched to anger.

"Sit down" He barks, I don't think this is a request, so I perch on the edge of the sofa. He's standing over me, pointing a finger at my chest.

"My mum told me what you did today you son of a *****! How could you do this to me! You're supposed to be my friend! "

This comes very fast, he's really ****** off.

"Erm, what did she tell you happened?" I inquire.

"EVERYTHING! How you came over here, got her drunk, and then tried to take ******* advantage of her!"

Holy crap, I'm not having this. I start yelling at him.

"THATS NOT HOW IT HAPPENED BONEHEAD! SHE SEDUCED ME! NOT THE ******* OTHER WAY ROUND! SHE HANDCUFFED ME TO THE BED AND DRESSED UP LIKE A WIERD CAT THING AND THEN HER TAIL CAME OFF AND THEN I ESCAPED AND THEN....."

I trail off, noticing that he's grinning.

"I knew you'd make up something like that Paul, you're quite an impressive liar. Do you really expect me to believe this crap?"

"But Its..." I start, but its no use, even I notice how ridiculous it sounds.

"Now we've got the bull**** out of the way, i'm gonna teach you a lesson for ******* about with my mum! Jesus dude, I still can't believe you'd pull something like this." He's still grinning as he says this, but its not a nice grin.

"Errr, what?" I don't like the way this is going.

"Take off your clothes, and put them in the bag." He holds out the binliner.

"Suck my balls pal! I'm not taking my bloody clothes off!" I don't know why I sound so brave, I'm a pussy.

"Fine, we'll do it the hard way." At this, he punches me in the stomach, and I go down like a cheap whore, coughing and spluttering. Told you I was a pussy.

He starts tearing off my jacket, and Mrs Rob joins in, and while he's working on my shoes, she gets the chance to whisper "Who's the freak now?" and spits in my face.

I'm kicking and screaming, but its no bloody use. There's two of them, Rob is a big guy, and as I said, Mrs. Rob is a fairly large lady herself. Fairly quickly I find myself lying stark naked on the living room floor. Rob is going through my jacket, he fishes my keys out of the pocket and chucks them at me. They hit me on the nipple, it hurts.

He now tells me : "Right, get the hell out ********, you can walk back home."

My curiosity as to why I'm walking when my car is outside and he's given me my keys lasts all of 30 seconds as he marches me to the door and boots me in the ass as he pushes me through it.

The ******* has slashed my tyres. Thats what the knife was for.

I turn round to look at him, he's standing leaning on the doorframe, laughing his head off. I launch an unprintable tirade of abuse at him. I invent 3 new swearwords in the process.

He just waits for me to finish, then says "Start walking" and slams the door.

So there I am, for the second time in one crappy day, standing on my "mate's" drive, scared, and with pretty much every bit of me on display.

I think for a second. There's nothing else for it. I start walking.

Its a 20 minute walk back to campus, which luckily for me is a main road.... Its bloody freezing, I'm huddled over, cupping my package with both hands, and trying to ignore the drivers honking at me.

At one point, I was hit on the back with a McDonalds milkshake, which some helpful soul slowed down to throw at me. Me subsequently using both hands to swear at him as he started to pull away only gave him a bigger laugh. If anyone reading this is that person, cheers *******.

And then the obvious happens, blue light, and a police car pulls alongside me. I stop walking. Its two WPCs, I take a second to curse equality, and say "What seems to be the problem officers?" as they wind down the window.

Fortunatly, they see the funny side, and they help me into the back of the car, where I sit looking sheepish.

The non-driver asks me the usual questions, why the hell am I walking along naked, is this some sort of rag stunt, do I know that its illegal to wave my nuts about in public.

I consider telling them the whole story, but I realise it wouldn't be believed, and I might get charged with lying to the police or something.

I end up telling them that my mates did it to me for a laugh, it was an initiation thing. We're fairly big on that in Loughborough, and they understand. In fact, they take me back to the station, give me some clothes and shoes from lost property, and a cup of tea.

After what seems like every policeman and WPC in the whole of liecester sticks their head round the door and has a good laugh at me, they let me go with a warning about public indecency, blah blah blah, and I walk home.

I'm obviously no longer friends with Rob, I've cancelled all my cards, just as a precaution, after all, he did keep my wallet, and there's no way I'm going round there again, except possibly in the dead of night to get my car back.

I can't wait for this day to end.
 
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