The Stud Service Club

iKettles · 4 Jul 2013 at 11:15

So I found this in my inbox entitled "Membership Violation *Urgent*"

Dear Mr. Iain Kettles:

It has been brought to our attention that you have surreptitiously and viciously violated the rules of The Stud and Service Club. By not informing the brethren of this latest development (which we have recently discovered) we take no great pride in having to inform you by mail that we have no choice but to revoke your membership card.

As you are no longer available to “service” our clientele we must insist that you return to the Club of escortees.

However, should something happen in the future and your situation change it may be possible to regain your membership card and once again be in good stead. Of course you will have to pay all back dues and fees and start a new “stable”. Your old escortees will be distributed amongst the “Legitimate” Studs. You understand we had no choice in this matter.

On the positive side, your production record speaks for itself, Iain. You always were in the top two percent of production *according to the escorted ladies* gifted and always giving your best *again, according to the 50-plus crowd*.
Good luck with your new life, Iain. We sincerely hope you all the very best.

Your friends at The Stud and Service Club

PS – There was a note from Bertha Lou from Kalamazoo. When she was informed that you are no longer available she hanged herself. She really missed you. Such is life [or death]. Oh, you can forget the free gift booklet which contains pick-up lines to use and abuse. You won’t need them. Sorry, but remember, you brought this on yourself.
TS&SC

---------------

The Stud and Service Club - Satisfaction since 1964
7 Mallard Dr - Caistor - Lincolnshire - LN7 6

Attached was this invoice:

Was this spam? Do I have a friend with an excellent sense of humour? Or did Bertha Lou really mourn my absence so much she topped herself? I'll let the OcUK detectives decide..

tom_e · 4 Jul 2013 at 11:27

Either way it's brilliant!
Although wouldn't really work as spam as it appears you'd be paying yourself

Hxc · 4 Jul 2013 at 11:32

Fantastic friend by my reckoning.

wingman · 4 Jul 2013 at 11:36

Maccy · 4 Jul 2013 at 11:38

Have you just posted your bank details?

Liquid_Entity · 4 Jul 2013 at 11:38

There's probably another Ian Kettles with a similar gmail account but they sent to the wrong one

Jono · 4 Jul 2013 at 11:38

Invoice date makes me think it's not very genuine

POB · 4 Jul 2013 at 11:48

Maccy said:
Have you just posted your bank details?

Sort code is not a Nationwide one (if its real), and the bank account has too many digits.

ince · 4 Jul 2013 at 12:55

good prank

iKettles · 4 Jul 2013 at 13:05

Maccy said:
Have you just posted your bank details?

Haha thought someone would mention that, the details are all bogus and I'm a NatWest fanboy!

Gilly · 4 Jul 2013 at 13:09

Maye there's an Ian that spells his name right?

SimonCHere · 4 Jul 2013 at 13:30

have you just got married/steady girlfriend?
Looks like some mates with a sense of humor.

Cosimo · 4 Jul 2013 at 13:39

Came in here expecting some horsey tale and all I get is spam. Not good.

BigChief · 4 Jul 2013 at 14:19

Not guilty! Although I wish I was. That reminds me, I still owe you for services rendered.

TheVoice · 4 Jul 2013 at 14:22

Haha, what?!

AJK · 4 Jul 2013 at 14:24

Which of your friends lives at:
7 Mallard Dr - Caistor - Lincolnshire - LN7 6
?

Spangles · 4 Jul 2013 at 14:38

If that is from a friend, it is brilliant. Always nice to have a little bit of sunshine in your life

You massive Stud you.

jms198 · 4 Jul 2013 at 14:40

On the positive side, your production record speaks for itself, Iain. You always were in the top two percent of production *according to the escorted ladies* gifted and always giving your best *again, according to the 50-plus crowd*.

Brilliant.