The worst thing you've done on the job?

Pete Tong

Pete Tong

Pete Tong

Associate
Joined
31 May 2024
Posts
242
Location
Scotland
I have many memories and stories from my time growing up I'm work but one memory that always makes me cringe is the time in the canteen sat next to this older woman talking to me while I was sat with a plate of spag lol. Chatting away then I took a mouth full but oh no a big uncontrollable sneeze came on and I spat pasta and sauce all over her! She didn't have much to say but profanity which was justified but omg how embarrassing and I still cringe thinking about it till this very day.
 
Had a disabled kid once have a Family Guy like episode out of both ends on the shop floor where I was working and the boss was just useless - hysterical with laughter and everyone else ran a mile aside from one older lady made of sterner stuff and I'm not the sort to let them tackle it alone. That was grim. (I also didn't need to recall that while eating).

There was a situation involving unexpected bereavement where I was most senior person on site but I'm not sure I should elaborate too much on that.
 
Worst thing i have ever done on a job was forget to check if there was toilet paper there before i went!
 
When I was in the RAF I was doing my first tour to the Falklands and was at Mount Alice, one of the radar sites stuck on top of a mountain in the middle of nowhere on West Falkland. The junior ranks bar had a pallet of Wadworth's 6X ale that nobody liked and was selling them off at 50p a can. The Cornishman in me saw 50p=bargain so I tried it and loved the stuff. The downside for everybody else was that the next day resulted in me emitting the most foul stench from my bottom that I have never managed to surpass. Our accommodation block and our ops blocks were made up of welded together ISO containers and there were no windows. The op's block had a ventilation system that was made up from a loop and our workshop was the first in the loop. The only door that was shut all the time was the SIGINT room and most were not allowed in there. There was a corridor running down the centre and the left side was our workshop, entrance to the block, several offices for the heads of sheds and the boss (Squadron Leader) then at the end was the radar controllers cabin. From there coming down the right side was the SIGINT room, toilets, break room and another couple of workshops. When anybody dropped one because of the looped ventilation and everybodys doors left open it spread from room to room rapidly and you could tell where it was coming from by who was the first to start swearing. Because of my 6X induced foulness the green fog spread rapidly from room to room and everyone was raining curses down on me. One particularly bad day I was busy working away in our workshop dropping several FPM (farts per minute) and I heard the boss call out, "for god's sake Mr Pastymuncher, please go to the toilet" and someone instantly replied, "he's already been in there as well" and so I was banished to the heatless and draughty BV shed and was told to stay there everyday until the pallet of 6X had been finished. Needless to say we had the cleanest and best maintained BV's in the whole of the Falklands Islands. They refused to get in anymore 6X once I had finished the pallet!!

A similar episode occurred at RAF Lossiemouth, my last posting. We had one side of a hangar as our engineering section and it was divided up into sections so starting at the top there was the hydraulic bay, the power bay, non power bay, the gas bay and the lifting tackle/arrestor gear bay. Quite fittingly I was in the gas bay at the time. I liked to get in early swo I could grab a cup of tea and have a look at what needed to be done that day. Our bay and the non power bay were the only ones that didn't have a office. The ones that had offices used surplus HAS Management cabins. These were hermetically sealed forced air ventilation (not used in our hangar) cabins for use in hardened aircraft shelters and they had a airlock inside the entrance door that could only take a couple of people at a time. One morning I heard their phone ringing and as nobody else had come down our end yet I went and answered it and took down a message. While I was in there I must have dropped a silent but very deadly guff that had no way to get out so it sat there wating. I was back in our bay looking through some paperwork when the lifting tackle bay guys (seven of them) came past and went into their cabin one by one. The next thing everyone hears is a load of commotion coming from their cabin. Because of the air lock they can't get out quickly enough so they came out in ones and two's. Much swearing and retching was going on when one of them managed to shout out "who the ******* hell was that"? At this point I became very interested in the paperwork in front of me and my boss noticed this and said to me "that wasn't you again was it"? I had tears from laughter running down my face by this time and the git grassed me up. The ******** came around, picked me up and took me outside and chucked me in the emergency water supply pond!! It was early winter so it was bloody freezing, luckily I had a change of clothes in my locker and walked back in the hangar and everybody was cheering and clapping. So embarrassing but so funny to see them all fighting to get out of their cabin!!

Yet another green fog moment occurred when I was home on leave. We were staying with my parent in Newlyn, Cornwall and one night we were up playing Euchre and drinking bottles of german beer we had brought over along with snacks including pickled onions. The next day were decided to go up to Trago Mills near Liskeard. For those who are unfamiliar with Trago Mills they are massive department stores that sell just about everything at great prices. There are three of them, Falmouth, Liskeard and Newton Abbott the flagship store. On the way up I was driving, my first wife in the front passenger seat, my dad in the middle back seat between my boys. I suppose the journey up was setting the stage for what was to come and before long dad was reaching across the boys to wind the window down but they wouldn't let him saying that they had to put up with it all the time and now he has to as well. Eventually we got there and not before time as dad was turning rather green by now. A couple of hours passed and we had all split up, the wife was off with the boys and dad and I were looking for them. We found ourselves in the middle of a busy clothing section having presumed we would find them there when suddenly I felt a huge one brewing that got so big i had to let it go. Luckily it was a silent one but god, the smell was atrocious. There was a bloke with his little girl near us and he said "come on I think we need to get out of here" which started me and dad off laughing our heads off. To make things worse evertime I laughed another one came out and quite rapidly what was not long ago a very busy clothing section was completely empty apart from the pair of idiots in the middle laughing their heads off with tears streaming down their faces.

Wifey mk2 has broken my arse now and I hardly ever do a smelly one anymore. After years of "you never did any when we were courting" and seemingly blaming me for only letting rip after we had married she had finally had enough and changed our diet and banned me from ale. That would have happened anyway as I don't drink at all now so it looks like my green fog days are behind me now...................................................................................................Or are they????????
 
I was coming out of the office at home time. I saw a woman, who also worked there, outside with a cricket bat, which I think was going to be auctioned for charity or something.

So I shouted to her, then started to make a cricket bowling action. Didn't realise there was a guy stood behind me as I brought my arm over and gave him an upper cut.
 
Last edited:
I once taped 34p of my change to a piece of card and sent it to a customer to refund them their short refund, mostly because I sure as **** wasn't asking the person at the time in charge of it to authorise 34p, but also he'd rang up so much I was fed up of hearing it. So I told my manager at the time I was going to do it, and he said fine, so I did it. For context, I'm a very literal person —my manager didn't make that mistake again. I was thankfully not fired also due to my manager —some staff thought I should have been, but luckily the customer was OK about it and said I retained him as a customer.

Anecdotally, the guy phoned back up a few years ago and double-checked that his Laptop refund wouldn't be taped to a piece of card this time.
 
Probably whilst at Uni and doing the staple thing of working for McD's.

In comes a newbie trying to assert his dominance in the banter stakes not knowing that boundaries weren't a thing in our restaurant, sometimes it was the girls that went really far but this time I probably went WAY of the reservation.

I was tired (end of shift) and he said something so I fell back on the classic "yeah but banged ya mum last night" trope. His response was "my mum's dead". Me, thinking he was just saying it to try and stop me in my tracks, replied with

"Yeah I know, I dug her up and skull ****** her"

He quit the next day saying the job wasn't for him but I found out that his mum had actually died 3 months prior so I straight up bullied him out of the job without meaning to.
 
Was copying some customer data off a laptop and went to the pictures folder and it opened in thumbnail view and I got a full on spread of them in a state of full undress and 'in arousal'
 
Did a paper round as a kid for the local dillons, we’re talking 12/13 years old. I was expected to pick the papers/magazines needed for the round each morning.

This soon involved grabbing any magazine I wanted for myself, and a daily newspaper for the old man :-D
 
pastymuncher said:
When I was in the RAF I was doing my first tour to the Falklands and was at Mount Alice, one of the radar sites stuck on top of a mountain in the middle of nowhere on West Falkland. The junior ranks bar had a pallet of Wadworth's 6X ale that nobody liked and was selling them off at 50p a can. The Cornishman in me saw 50p=bargain so I tried it and loved the stuff. The downside for everybody else was that the next day resulted in me emitting the most foul stench from my bottom that I have never managed to surpass. Our accommodation block and our ops blocks were made up of welded together ISO containers and there were no windows. The op's block had a ventilation system that was made up from a loop and our workshop was the first in the loop. The only door that was shut all the time was the SIGINT room and most were not allowed in there. There was a corridor running down the centre and the left side was our workshop, entrance to the block, several offices for the heads of sheds and the boss (Squadron Leader) then at the end was the radar controllers cabin. From there coming down the right side was the SIGINT room, toilets, break room and another couple of workshops. When anybody dropped one because of the looped ventilation and everybodys doors left open it spread from room to room rapidly and you could tell where it was coming from by who was the first to start swearing. Because of my 6X induced foulness the green fog spread rapidly from room to room and everyone was raining curses down on me. One particularly bad day I was busy working away in our workshop dropping several FPM (farts per minute) and I heard the boss call out, "for god's sake Mr Pastymuncher, please go to the toilet" and someone instantly replied, "he's already been in there as well" and so I was banished to the heatless and draughty BV shed and was told to stay there everyday until the pallet of 6X had been finished. Needless to say we had the cleanest and best maintained BV's in the whole of the Falklands Islands. They refused to get in anymore 6X once I had finished the pallet!!

A similar episode occurred at RAF Lossiemouth, my last posting. We had one side of a hangar as our engineering section and it was divided up into sections so starting at the top there was the hydraulic bay, the power bay, non power bay, the gas bay and the lifting tackle/arrestor gear bay. Quite fittingly I was in the gas bay at the time. I liked to get in early swo I could grab a cup of tea and have a look at what needed to be done that day. Our bay and the non power bay were the only ones that didn't have a office. The ones that had offices used surplus HAS Management cabins. These were hermetically sealed forced air ventilation (not used in our hangar) cabins for use in hardened aircraft shelters and they had a airlock inside the entrance door that could only take a couple of people at a time. One morning I heard their phone ringing and as nobody else had come down our end yet I went and answered it and took down a message. While I was in there I must have dropped a silent but very deadly guff that had no way to get out so it sat there wating. I was back in our bay looking through some paperwork when the lifting tackle bay guys (seven of them) came past and went into their cabin one by one. The next thing everyone hears is a load of commotion coming from their cabin. Because of the air lock they can't get out quickly enough so they came out in ones and two's. Much swearing and retching was going on when one of them managed to shout out "who the ******* hell was that"? At this point I became very interested in the paperwork in front of me and my boss noticed this and said to me "that wasn't you again was it"? I had tears from laughter running down my face by this time and the git grassed me up. The ******** came around, picked me up and took me outside and chucked me in the emergency water supply pond!! It was early winter so it was bloody freezing, luckily I had a change of clothes in my locker and walked back in the hangar and everybody was cheering and clapping. So embarrassing but so funny to see them all fighting to get out of their cabin!!

Yet another green fog moment occurred when I was home on leave. We were staying with my parent in Newlyn, Cornwall and one night we were up playing Euchre and drinking bottles of german beer we had brought over along with snacks including pickled onions. The next day were decided to go up to Trago Mills near Liskeard. For those who are unfamiliar with Trago Mills they are massive department stores that sell just about everything at great prices. There are three of them, Falmouth, Liskeard and Newton Abbott the flagship store. On the way up I was driving, my first wife in the front passenger seat, my dad in the middle back seat between my boys. I suppose the journey up was setting the stage for what was to come and before long dad was reaching across the boys to wind the window down but they wouldn't let him saying that they had to put up with it all the time and now he has to as well. Eventually we got there and not before time as dad was turning rather green by now. A couple of hours passed and we had all split up, the wife was off with the boys and dad and I were looking for them. We found ourselves in the middle of a busy clothing section having presumed we would find them there when suddenly I felt a huge one brewing that got so big i had to let it go. Luckily it was a silent one but god, the smell was atrocious. There was a bloke with his little girl near us and he said "come on I think we need to get out of here" which started me and dad off laughing our heads off. To make things worse evertime I laughed another one came out and quite rapidly what was not long ago a very busy clothing section was completely empty apart from the pair of idiots in the middle laughing their heads off with tears streaming down their faces.

Wifey mk2 has broken my arse now and I hardly ever do a smelly one anymore. After years of "you never did any when we were courting" and seemingly blaming me for only letting rip after we had married she had finally had enough and changed our diet and banned me from ale. That would have happened anyway as I don't drink at all now so it looks like my green fog days are behind me now...................................................................................................Or are they????????
Click to expand...
I couldn’t have imagined reading such hilarious tales of flatulence this evening. Thank you sir, you’ve genuinely had me laughing tears.
 
Last edited:
I drafted an email trying to cheer up my colleague that had been told off by our horrible boss. I semi fancied her so also threw in some flirtatious speak and what not. The email was mostly about how our boss was a disgusting human being and contained profanity and comparisons to animals etc. Having my boss dominating my thoughts at the time, I added my boss and only my boss to the To field of the email instead of my colleague... and sent it. After about 10 seconds, it hit me. Checked sent items... yep. ****. Tried recalling it. Fail.
Funnily enough, nothing ever came of it. At all. Boss never mentioned it.
 
Working on a rather controversial thing to do with school closures and had to write a policy document.

For a laugh I put up a photo of some closed gates with a closed sign on them on the front cover and sent it to my boss for review.

For some reason, my boss didn't look at it and forwarded it off to the Top Man, unread.

The next day I got a personal email from him telling me that, while it was very funny, I should be more careful with my jokes in future. Lucky escape there, and he didn't copy anyone else in!
 
Only this week :( Went to a different section to chat to some SME's about something i was dealing with, a room of about 6 people. I pulled up an office chair and as i went to sit down, everything went slo-mo. I saw someone jump up yelling, "Nooooooooooooo!" and next thing i know i'm flat on my back on the floor. Office chair was knackered awaiting replacement. Embarrassing, but **** me it hurt. Had a few people round my office the next few hours/days, asking if i was ok.

Many years ago i got a job with a double glazing company. Coming back into the yard one night, there was a mass argument going on between the site foreman and someone stood in the back of a works van - there were about 15 window fitters there yelling at the site foreman. Next thing i see is the guy in the back of the van swing out and as he landed, sticks the nut on the foreman who drops like a sack of spuds. Guy was sacked, but the foreman stopped been a dick (a little bit anyway).

As a teenager, got a job in a supermarket stacking shelves on a night - a Toblerone would once in a while find it's way up my trouser leg - what was i thinking? :eek:
 
I worked a mortgage application, a remortgage of a house, he was remortgaging it to raise funds to purchase a new build, that purchase transaction happening elsewhere.

Anyway, pretty standard non interesting application, leasehold house although they are not too unusual.

Valuer went off, few weeks later, valuation report is back, I'm looking through the report, freehold house, ok standard, check my notes, valuation only ok, cool offer the mortgage.

Skip forward about 4 months or whatever, solicitors are looking to complete, but wondering why our offer say freehold.

Turns out... We did put the valuation instruction over to the valuer correctly, that it was leasehold, but the bell end valuer cocked it up and just assumed freehold.

Annoyingly because our systems are ****, it overwrites the tenure on our system, I got the val back, didn't think anything of it being a freehold house.

Well..... This is at the 11th hour, we run a land registry search on the house, turns out the lease only has like 50 years on it or something, send that information over to the valuer who confirms due to the short lease the property isn't worth anything.

We couldn't proceed, and the guy had paid the developer on the new build he was buying about a £30k non refundable deposit......
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom