NEIL: It was horrible. I sat in the big hall and put my pocket of Polos on the desk. And my spare pencil and my support gonk. And my chewing gum and my extra pen. And my extra Polos and my lucky gonk. And my pencil sharpener shaped like a cream cracker. And more gonks with a packet of Polos in each. And lead for my retractable pencil. And my retractable pencil. And spare lead for my retractable pencil. And chewing gum and pencils and pens and more gonks, and the guy says "Stop writing, please."
~~~
VYVYAN: Oh dear. [Sotto to the guys] This calls for a very special blend of psychology and extreme violence. [Loudly] Oh, la-di-da! Look what I found in my laundry bag. All of Felicity Kendall's underwear, that needs a good wash!
[The machine makes a lecherous sound and opens its door.]
VYVYAN: NOW!
[The guys stuff their laundry into the machine, which gags and shakes in protest. The others hold the door shut as Mike reads the operating instructions.]
MIKE: Now, "make sure that the door is firmly closed" -- no, we've done that -- right, "fill the tray with powder" -- Powder! What do they mean, "powder"? Gunpowder, curry powder, cocaine? I mean, what's on their minds?
NEIL: Maybe they mean washing powder, Mike. Um...Oh, look, maybe if we got all the horrid sludgy bits out of the other machines we could get enough.
MIKE: Neil, you carry on...Right, "if you require conditioner..." Well, do we?
[Neil collects some sludgy bits and tastes them. He lookssurprised, and eats some more.]
RICK: No, Mike, that's just for people washing their hair.
MIKE: No, we don't want to go mad. Right, "Insert two 50-pence pieces..."
[All action stops suddenly]
[SCENE: The guys are back sitting dejectedly at the kitchen table.]