:/
What's a Perrie?
1. Why does Ed Miliband like advent calendars? He gets to open the door to number 10.
2. I told my Granddad to go to Amazon for his Christmas shopping. He phoned me two days later from Brazil.
3. Why were Jeremy Clarkson's colleagues excited to try his mulled wine? Because they'd been floored by his punch
4. How does Darth Vader like his Christmas turkey? On the dark side.
5. Why did Santa pour Lemsip into the chimney? He was coming down with the flue.
6. Why don't Volkswagen hold Christmas Services? They get the readings wrong.
7. Why is there no Champagne at the Chelsea Christmas party? Because Mourinho got rid of the Fizzy-o.
8. Why was the turkey at the Talk Talk Christmas party such a mess? It was hacked.
9. Who's Rudolph's favourite pop star? Beyon-sleigh
10. What do Wikileaks staff have with their Christmas turkey? An anonymous sauce.
11. Why won't Tom Jones be carol singing this Christmas? He's lost his Voice.
12. Why didn't people like the new Apple Mac themed advent calendars? They didn't have any Windows.
13. Why doesn't anyone trust Jeremy Corbyn to put up the Christmas tree? Because it always leans to the left.
14. My gran knitted me a really embarrassing jumper for Christmas this year. It's got fifty shades of grey.
15. What happens when Jedis get up too early on Christmas Morning? The Force Awakens.
16. Who saved Santa the job of creating a naughty list? Ashley Madison.
17. What did Taylor Swift do when she was covered in snow? Shake it off.
18. What are Little Mix saying to Perrie this Christmas? Forget about the Zayn deer.
19. Why does Len Goodman insist on a selection box at Christmas? Because he enjoys a good Twirl.
20. How do we know what Father Christmas has for dinner? He posts it on InSantagram.
Quite frankly, most of these are
****. I'm truly convinced we can come up with 20 better 'modern' cracker jokes than this, they need to be groan-inducing, but come on GD, let's have at it.
I have nicked these, but lets see if we can find or think of some originals
What do the royal family play at Christmas instead of musical chairs?
Game Of Thrones.
I got a UKIP advent calendar. It's rubbish, all the doors keep slamming shut, but I am a fan of white chocolate
