Tried to save sometimes life - don't think I was successful

Hades

Hades

Hades

Man of Honour
Joined
19 Oct 2002
Posts
29,757
Location
Surrey
I flew back from the US on Saturday. After getting a bus from Heathrow to Kingston near my home I came across a man collapsed in the street. I wasn't the first on the scene as there were already two women and another man there. One of the women had seen him collapse a few minutes earlier, then hit his head on a nearby tree as he went down. The other woman was on the phone to 999 who asked us to move him onto his back with his head back. I was a bit surprised and asked them to confirm again as I thought we should get him into the recovery position. But they confirmed on his back. So the other guy and I did so at their request. I talked to him in case he could hear us, reassuring him that help was on the way and we were there for him.

He was breathing shallowly at first, eyes wide open staring straight up, but after a few minutes stopped breathing completely. The way he was initially breathing reminded me of the last few breaths that my mum took. We checked for a pulse and breathing... nothing. So the person on the end of the 999 phone told us how to start chest compressions (I have done first aid training - many years ago - so had a very basic understanding of what was needed). The other guy and I took it in turns for about 15 mins while a paramedic on a cycle arrived. Shortly after that an ambulance arrived and they worked on him on the street. We continued to help with chest compressions while they did other checks, a few injections, oxygen, etc.

Shortly after, several police arrived. At that point they took some names and asked us to leave. They had enough people to help the paramedics if needed... by then 20 mins had passed and he still wasn't breathing. I obliged and left as the poor guy (Greg) deserved all the dignity we could offer. Somewhere in the middle his sister had arrived (one of the other helpers was a neighbour to the poor man so called her). I could tell he (probably) wasn't going to make it so I had taken her aside at some point to let her know we were doing what we could and to check she really understood what might be happening and whether she wanted to see it. I obviously didn't tell her my opinion but he was completely unresponsive which she could see.

I don't know if Greg survived. I would have to assume he didn't from what I saw at the time. He looked mid to late 60's. I've held the hand of my father and my mother as they passed away in hospital so death isn't a surprise to me. I have no idea if Greg could hear us. But at least we were with him, trying to help. He wasn't alone. I hope he knows that. But I do keep thinking whether there was anything else I could have done (probably wasn't, but doesn't stop you thinking that way).

Why am I posting this? Sorry, no idea. Just getting it out there I guess. It has been on my mind all day - I hope he lived a meaningful and happy life.
 
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I highly recommend people do a first aid course if they get the chance - I'm level 3 trained but honestly I don't know how much I'd remember in the intensity of a serious situation but if nothing else it gives you some framework to fall back on instead of trying to figure out what to do or losing your head entirely.

EDIT: Some of the guidance has changed over the years as well - especially around the recovery position and things like dealing with burns - some of which might go against what you'd do intuitively.
 
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altus said:
You did what you could Hades, you are in shock and it will take some time to rationalise your feelings, you didnt walk past, well done.
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Thanks. I don't think I'm in shock but I appreciate the thought. Maybe I am and don't appreciate it so I can't dismiss that possibility.
 
Well done for getting involved and helping, not many people can. I’m sorry you had to go through that, it’s not normal for most people and the confrontation with mortality is not often real… until it is. I hope you have people you can talk to? I’m sure there will be talking based charities to discuss options if this is affecting you, which it understandably might be. Your GP can even signpost you.
 
hurfdurf said:
Well done for getting involved and helping, not many people can. I’m sorry you had to go through that, it’s not normal for most people and the confrontation with mortality is not often real… until it is. I hope you have people you can talk to? I’m sure there will be talking based charities to discuss options if this is affecting you, which it understandably might be. Your GP can even signpost you.
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Thanks. Again I won't dismiss the possibility. But it's not the first death I've experienced and I don't feel the need to seek help. But I appreciate the advice.
 
Hades said:
Thanks. Again I won't dismiss the possibility. But it's not the first death I've experienced and I don't feel the need to seek help. But I appreciate the advice.
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Fair. You might not, but some times it can catch you out, and there’s no shame in that, sometimes it won’t be an issue at all, and there’s no shame in that either. The human brain is odd like that and what seems totally run of the mill for one person can really affect another and vice versa, with no logic.
 
Hades said:
Thanks. Again I won't dismiss the possibility. But it's not the first death I've experienced and I don't feel the need to seek help. But I appreciate the advice.
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It is strange how it can hit us sometimes - I've seen some things much worse and usually have a handle on it - one time was on a bus when an old lady carrying a bag of knives (why?!?) had someone bump against her and next thing we know there is arterial blood spurting up the window like something out of a movie - one of the knives was in her leg. Fortunately was a nurse on the bus and the next stop was right by a clinic but no idea if she survived - a few minutes after it was all over I suddenly found myself shaking and feeling faint - never had that before or since.
 
hurfdurf said:
Fair. You might not, but some times it can catch you out, and there’s no shame in that, sometimes it won’t be an issue at all, and there’s no shame in that either. The human brain is odd like that and what seems totally run of the mill for one person can really affect another and vice versa, with no logic.
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Once again I really do appreciate the reply. Thank you.
 
The thing about not knowing the outcome is tough when you've spent some compassion on someone. Same thing happens with paramedics, or even something like teaching has a similar issue.

It is a traumatic experience, you'll process it eventually but it's totally normal to have it on your mind for a while, then it'll sometimes pop into your mind for a while, then it won't any more.

Had a similar thing when I heard a bang in the middle of the night and looked outside to find a car upside down in the street. Young girl climbs out of the car and passes out on me. Fun times.
 
Just repeating what a lot of others have said, but we'll done for stopping to help, that's already more than most people would do.

Don't be too hard on yourself, it sounds like you did the best you could in the situation - unless you're a paramedic with all your gear with you, there's ultimately not a lot can be done in the street like that other than try to keep them going until proper help arrives :(

One thing we were taught in my first aid course is in a situation like that it's key to get a defibrillator ASAP. Obviously doesn't help if you're away from home, but can be worth learning where the nearest ones are to your home/work/anywhere else you frequent, in case the need ever arises
 
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Think it was great of you to help, I'm sure your act of kindness resonated and will ripple with lots, from the paramedics who had a chance to work on something no matter got fleeting a chance, to passers-by who who saw that do step up to the mark.

Even us reading this on this forum are influence. So no solace there but at least some recognition.

The main part is probably you being confronted again with death in a random place you find hard to rationalise (eg you expect people to die in hospital) with someone who wasn't that old. This is definitely a shock and will provoke many things..

Honestly, it's Easter week, even if you're a resolut atheist, I'd take advantage of reading around life death and purpose in the context of this week. It might help it might not.

But good on you nonetheless. Your parents did well by you. :)
 
You made a fine attempt to save that man my, and I think I can say, our respect.

I don't agree with others that think you're likely to suffer mental health issues though, I think all this counselling for the slightest thing is insulting to the robustness of a healthy mind. Get on with your week with pride.
 
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The world needs more people like this, stopping and helping when it's such a dire situation and stepping up when needed.

I imagine we'd all wonder if there was anything else that could have been done, but in this case the OP went above and beyond and definitely gives me a little more faith in humanity.
 
Well done Hades. The thought that keeps me up at night sometimes is the fact my Dad died alone in a hospital bed after fighting a losing battle for so long with C. I'm sure the family will take much comfort in knowing you are the other passers-by were there at the final moment (assuming he doesn't bounce back and sue you for damaging his shirt or w/).
 
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All I can do is echo what others have said. It would have been a highly charged emotional time for you and it will play on your mind. Rest assured you should be very proud of what you did, hard as it might be for you to think that way at the moment.
Hugs x
 
Haggisman said:
One thing we were taught in my first aid course is in a situation like that it's key to get a defibrillator ASAP. Obviously doesn't help if you're away from home, but can be worth learning where the nearest ones are to your home/work/anywhere else you frequent, in case the need ever arises
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In a situation like that the emergency call handler should tell you the location and any code to access it. If they didn't likely none nearby.
 
You stopped and you tried to help where the majority would not, that says a lot about you.
If you get chance have a chat with a paramedic about it, the success rate in reviving someone in those circumstances isn't great even with medical training.
 
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