Edit: Don't read. I had to remove the Personal Statement in case it causes problems with the plagiarism checking software that UCAS uses
Just leaving the post here to protect myself.
So it's time for me to make a change, and plan to do something useful next year. I am hoping to work full time for the next 50 weeks, and use the money I save whilst living at home to move out at the same time as starting a degree in Diagnostic Radiography. I'm 24 -25 in February - so it's something I need to do now more than ever.
I have got all my references and choices done on UCAS, with just the personal statement and previous education sections to fill out. I'm still waiting for my Science Foundation Year (Access to Higher Education) transcript to come through, so I can't fill the P.Ed section in just yet; however, I have come up with a very basic personal statement - probably a few lines too short right now - and was wondering if people could tell me whether you get a good impression from it.
I know you guys aren't Admissions Tutors, but most of admissions is checking off the student has the right qualifications - I do - and that the personal statement comes across as "oh he seems nice". Ok, there's a bit more to it than that, but still.
Here it is.
Sadly copyright might harm me
--
It's definitely too short; it needs about 25% more words, I think. I was just wondering what more I could add. I hate talking about myself, such as telling people I enjoy playing computer games or reading books, or going out with friends, because it just seems weird and useless to mention it.
What would you change guys? If you are willing to help me

So it's time for me to make a change, and plan to do something useful next year. I am hoping to work full time for the next 50 weeks, and use the money I save whilst living at home to move out at the same time as starting a degree in Diagnostic Radiography. I'm 24 -25 in February - so it's something I need to do now more than ever.
I have got all my references and choices done on UCAS, with just the personal statement and previous education sections to fill out. I'm still waiting for my Science Foundation Year (Access to Higher Education) transcript to come through, so I can't fill the P.Ed section in just yet; however, I have come up with a very basic personal statement - probably a few lines too short right now - and was wondering if people could tell me whether you get a good impression from it.
I know you guys aren't Admissions Tutors, but most of admissions is checking off the student has the right qualifications - I do - and that the personal statement comes across as "oh he seems nice". Ok, there's a bit more to it than that, but still.
Here it is.
Sadly copyright might harm me

--
It's definitely too short; it needs about 25% more words, I think. I was just wondering what more I could add. I hate talking about myself, such as telling people I enjoy playing computer games or reading books, or going out with friends, because it just seems weird and useless to mention it.
What would you change guys? If you are willing to help me

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