1.
A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10lb. Weight loss program.
The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him
a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair
of Nike running shoes and a sign round her neck.
She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company.
The sign reads: "If you can catch me, you can have me."
Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later, huffing
and puffing, he finally catches her and has his way with her. The
same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens.
On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10 lb.
As promised.
He then calls the company and orders their 5-day/20 pound program.
The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the
most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life.
She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around
her neck that reads: "If you catch me you can have me." Well, he's out
the door after her like a shot! This girl is in excellent shape and
it takes him a while to catch her but when he does, it's definitely worth
every muscle cramp and wheeze, so for the next four days, the same
routine happens. Much to his delight, on the fifth day he weighs himself only
to discover that he has lost another 20 lb. As promised.
He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/50
pound program. "Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone
"This is our most rigorous program." "Absolutely," he replies, "I haven't felt
this good in years." The next day there's a knock at the door; and when
he opens it he finds this huge, muscular, 7ft man standing there
wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that
reads:
"I'm Francis. If I catch you, you're mine..."
2.
While walking through the Boulder, Colorado woods, a man came upon another man hugging a tree with his ear firmly against the tree.
Seeing this, he inquired, "Just out of curiosity, what the heck are you doing?"
"I'm listening to the music of the tree," the other man replied.
"You gotta be kiddin' me."
"No, would you like to give it a try?"
Understandably curious, the man says, "Well, OK..." So he wrapped his arms around the tree and pressed his ear up against it.
With this, the other guy slapped a pair of handcuffs on him, took his wallet, jewelry, car keys, then stripped him naked, and left.
Two hours later another nature lover strolled by, saw this guy handcuffed to
the tree stark naked, and asked, "What the heck happened to you?"
He told the guy the whole terrible story about how he got there.
When he finished telling his story, the other guy shook his head in sympathy, walked around behind him, kissed him gently behind the ear and
said, "This just ain't gonna be your day, Cupcake..."
Taxi!
A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10lb. Weight loss program.
The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him
a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair
of Nike running shoes and a sign round her neck.
She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company.
The sign reads: "If you can catch me, you can have me."
Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later, huffing
and puffing, he finally catches her and has his way with her. The
same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens.
On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10 lb.
As promised.
He then calls the company and orders their 5-day/20 pound program.
The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the
most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life.
She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around
her neck that reads: "If you catch me you can have me." Well, he's out
the door after her like a shot! This girl is in excellent shape and
it takes him a while to catch her but when he does, it's definitely worth
every muscle cramp and wheeze, so for the next four days, the same
routine happens. Much to his delight, on the fifth day he weighs himself only
to discover that he has lost another 20 lb. As promised.
He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/50
pound program. "Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone
"This is our most rigorous program." "Absolutely," he replies, "I haven't felt
this good in years." The next day there's a knock at the door; and when
he opens it he finds this huge, muscular, 7ft man standing there
wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that
reads:
"I'm Francis. If I catch you, you're mine..."
2.
While walking through the Boulder, Colorado woods, a man came upon another man hugging a tree with his ear firmly against the tree.
Seeing this, he inquired, "Just out of curiosity, what the heck are you doing?"
"I'm listening to the music of the tree," the other man replied.
"You gotta be kiddin' me."
"No, would you like to give it a try?"
Understandably curious, the man says, "Well, OK..." So he wrapped his arms around the tree and pressed his ear up against it.
With this, the other guy slapped a pair of handcuffs on him, took his wallet, jewelry, car keys, then stripped him naked, and left.
Two hours later another nature lover strolled by, saw this guy handcuffed to
the tree stark naked, and asked, "What the heck happened to you?"
He told the guy the whole terrible story about how he got there.
When he finished telling his story, the other guy shook his head in sympathy, walked around behind him, kissed him gently behind the ear and
said, "This just ain't gonna be your day, Cupcake..."
Taxi!
