What would you do - mother is hiding illness

Soldato
Joined
18 Oct 2002
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Pembrokeshire
Wouldn't normally offer this out to strangers for advice but I am very conflicted over what to do about a certain situation.

My mother is 70 and still works - we work together. She has no intention of stopping to retire as she can't think of anything else she wants to do - I think it's more a fear of getting stuck in the retirement rut and living out the last years in a char staring out the window - ala my grandmother. She is also a big part of my children's life - she has pretty much been a surrogate mother to my youngest as their mother died soon after giving birth - it worries me when my youngest is at my mothers as I don't trust her health and worry she will be properly ill and my youngest won't know what to do.

Anyway, my mother is a pain for eating. She mostly doesn't and will even say she has when she hasn't - it comes across almost to the point of a disorder in that she knows it's making her ill but won't keep on top of it.

She gets very ill very quickly - vomiting, strong stomach pains and it wipes her out for a good few days. Once she's better we, work colleagues, my GF and me all make sure she eats during the day and providing food for her to take home.

She was ill last week and we managed to get her to go the doctors - you don't know what she says and I'm sure makes light of it and the doctor apparently waived it off as old age. She was supposed to book a blood test but makes excuses as to why she hasn't - she does have a big issue with needles but that is no real excuse.

The last bout she even admitted it was so bad she considered calling an ambulance and she has to be dragged kicking and screaming anywhere near a hospital so it must have been bad. I think it's pancreatitis but it happens quite regularly.

Anyway, she is going on holiday to see a friend and where my brother lives (Gibraltar) and has been ill again. I don't know whether to warn them in advance that she is being ill - she is also staying with my god mother who took her to hospital the last time it was bad.

I can't decide whether to tell them or not. Am I over-reacting, being interfering, drama queen etc etc My mother gets very defensive when I say anything and accuses me of panicking and making a drama out of it. Being in almost chronic pain and vomiting regularly doesn't sound like something that should be ignored.

Tl:dr - mother keeps being ill, should I tell family or am I being a drama queen?
 
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I know it is the right thing to do to tell those that need to know - it's just the potential fallout when my mother discovers I've told people. She can be quite a monster when she wants to be :)

It's done now anyway. Godmother already knows there's an issue, brother is ringing me tonight to discuss - need to play him carefully, they have a very different relationship to me and can be a little defensive of her too. Her friend in Gib I've messaged - she's another one. Never anything in the fridge other than wine but least she eats well.
 
she better pray it isn't pancreatitis.

I'm fairly sure this is what it is.

She's been into work but gone home already. Completely determined to get on a plane at 7am Sunday morning and is supposed to be staying over with my god mother tomorrow night who knows what is going on. As a compromise, I have said I will take her to GMs house and GM will take her to airport in the morning.
 
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