What would you do?

Spit

Spit

Spit

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I am 37 and a friend from school died last week from illness (sudden), I found out from a friend of a friend. We became good friends at secondary school as he was in the same form as me. Went to each others houses at holidays etc. After school finished we never went to the same college or uni but kept in touch sporadically for a few years after.

I have not heard anything from him in about 12 years and I do not know any of his current friends etc. He was not on Facebook and I have made no effort to get in touch, last time I saw his parents and sister was over 20 years ago.

His funeral/burial is next Wednesday and I am in 2 minds whether to go. On the one hand it would be nice to pay my respects but on the other it feels a little hypocritical to turn up after so long, life moves on and as such he does not figure in it at all and has not done for many years. It would mean a day off work to go with a 120 mile trip.

What would you do?
 
You don't need a current relationship to pay your respects to a friendship once had, days once shared. Life has a way of parting us from old friends, but that doesn't change the old times; only dulls them a little. If you are in two minds then I'd say go: you'll never get another chance to attend it. Just sit at the back then leave quietly. :)

Sorry for your loss.
 
I personally wouldnt go, need to stay in work, long jouney too. It's sad news but after 12 years total absense id give something like this a quick 10 minute reflection and move on.

Alternatively you could turn up and stand at the back in a raincoat whilst it rains like in the movies, that would be cool.

But for me, no i wouldnt go.
 
Sorry to hear that. Only you know.

I'm a similar age and someone from my school died a while back and a lot of people, many of whom hadn't been in touch of late went and I know it was appreciated by the family.
 
Edrof said:
You don't need a current relationship to pay your respects to a friendship once had, days once shared. Life has a way of parting us from old friends, but that doesn't change the old times; only dulls them a little. If you are in two minds then I'd say go: you'll never get another chance to attend it. Just sit at the back then leave quietly. :)

Sorry for your loss.
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hilly said:
Do what feels right for you. Ask your self "should I go?". Then go with that answer.
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This and this.

The fact you've not been in touch for years does not devalue the friendship you once had but only you can decide. For me if you are leaning even slightly towards yes then you should go much better to regret a day of work and a long drive than to regret missing closure.
 
The fact your even posting your thoughts on this means to me that you should go and say "goodbye" to him. It won't be on your mind later on then, thinking that maybe you should have and now it's too late ?
 
I would go. I think it might mean a lot to his Mother, Father and Sister to see that even though over the years you drifted apart, that you took the time and trouble to pay your respects.
 
Definitely go if you can - you will regret it if you don't.

One of my lecturers died a couple of years ago and I didn't go to the funeral because I had started a new job - I totally regret that.

BB x
 
Just an update to those that posted, I went to the funeral today and it was packed. Sad afternoon but glad I went. Touched base with an old friend I had not seen for a few years.

Thanks to all that posted and persuaded me to go.
 
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