why do you think time is a healer?

cm1179

cm1179

cm1179

Soldato
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i, like most people have had some pretty tragic times in my life, be it the death of a family member, end of a relationship or death of a pet etc. times when in the aftermath of the event, i've not had the courage, strength or will power to get out of bed and face the world, thinking that the horrible feeling will never go away but, over time, it does.
why do you think this is? is it because the memories start to fade or is it the bodies natural urge to want to get back out into the world?
 
It's because you rationalise things and work out coping strategies.

And because you find out that you don't generally die yourself the minute your family member or pet dies, or you get dumped.
 
The memories don’t fade they just become less intense, shelved and get taken out once in a while. Initially there isn’t much you can do about what has happened and how you feel. Each person deals with these events in a different way.

I think it’s a case of living with it and slowly realizing that you have to get on with life. For some people it can take an awful lot of time for others less so. Going through something bad doesn’t get better when it happens again but it does help because you know there will be an end.

So at the end of the day it’s not just time that is the healer but also your inner self.
 
The key words are

Adjustments
Acceptance

It is hard, i find it hard, but what else do you do but move on?

Acceptance is the hardest part.
 
Hmm.....this is me right now. 6 weeks after a 6 year relationship has ended. I seem to be clinging on to "what could have been had i acted differently" it's very soul destroying, and yes, right now, i can't see what the future offers that's worth looking forward too. I'm not depressed or suicidal, just saddened i guess. The ex wants to be friends, but i want more as i thought we'd be together forever.
Yet, i know tiime will heal the sadness and things will get better.
All these feelings and emotions are new to me (at age 40), not sure i want to go through them again tbh.
For me, i hope the memories do fade, to stop the heartache.........whatever helps me get through it i guess.
She kept the dog too..... :(
 
Wizzfizz said:
As far as losing a loved one I don't think you ever "get over it", you just learn to live with it easier.
Click to expand...

Indeed this is true, however in reality you have two options. 1. Curl up in a ball / become mentally ill or 2. Realise that no matter what you do it will hurt more than most things but it will get better even if it only gets as well as a dull ache.
 
I personally think its short term memory vs long term memory.
Just like when you learn, you learn into short term memory but have to convert that to long term memory and you do that at less than a 100% efficiency ;)
I think short term leaps up at you fast where as long term you tend to have to conciously think about it, or have something trigger it based on an event a comment, a smell etc.
 
I think it's pretty natural way of healing the human mind tbh. As memories fade with time and get shelved as simulatorman aptly put they become less vivid. I think that if every memory we've ever had was clearly with us throughout our lives until the day we die, without being given the chance to fade, it would drive most people mad imho. Which is especially true for the painful/traumatic/uncomfortable ones.
 
I found a picture of your smiling face
Bringing old memories that I had locked away
The burden of anger from a heart filled with pain
Was finally lifted and I smile at you again

Chorus:- If time is a healer
Then all hearts that break
Are put back together again
‘Cause love heals the wound it makes

I spoke such harsh words before goodbye
Well I wanted to hurt you for the tears you made
You made me cry
All my hopes and dreams, well they started vanishing
Those tender hurt feelings became a dangerous thing
Chorus:-

All of those years we spent together
Well they're part of my life forever
I hold the joy with the pain
And the truth is I miss you my friend
 
I guess our brains work this way because as a survival mechanism crawling into a corner and curling up into a ball is lousy. I'm glad they do.
 
Occupying yourself with other things that fill the gaps.. Acceptance comes when you find a substitute. Something to detract from the time spent with what you miss. It's hard, but it happens.
 
Came in from a rainy Thursday
On the avenue
Thought I heard you talking softly

I turned on the lights, the TV
And the radio
Still I can't escape the ghost of you

What has happened to it all?
Crazy, some are saying
Where is the life that I recognize?
Gone away

But I won't cry for yesterday
There's an ordinary world
Somehow I have to find
And as I try to make my way
To the ordinary world
I will learn to survive

Passion or coincidence
Once prompted you to say
"Pride will tear us both apart"
Well now pride's gone out the window
Cross the rooftops
Run away
Left me in the vacuum of my heart

What is happening to me?
Crazy, some'd say
Where is my friend when I need you most?
Gone away

But I won't cry for yesterday
There's an ordinary world
Somehow I have to find
And as I try to make my way
To the ordinary world
I will learn to survive

Papers in the roadside
Tell of suffering and greed
Here today, forgot tomorrow
Ooh, here besides the news
Of holy war and holy need
Ours is just a little sorrowed talk

And I don't cry for yesterday
There's an ordinary world
Somehow I have to find
And as I try to make my way
To the ordinary world
I will learn to survive

Every one
Is my world, I will learn to survive
Any one
Is my world, I will learn to survive
Any one
Is my world
Every one
Is my world
 
Some nice musings in this thread.

I have nothing to add or take away from it.

Interesting to read the opinions, the open mindedness and acceptance of each others thoughts and ideas to the original concept.
 
Habituation. Just like you get used to the smell of bread or excrement in a room, eventually you get used to whatever has happened and stop feeling it so much.
 
From a biological viewpoint I would say it is not in our best interest to effectively be crippled by the pain of losing a loved one or some other emotionally intense event. If we didn't get over stuff like that we would be utterly useless.

Adapt or die, to be glib! :p
 
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