Why I'm I such a walkover?!?!?!?!

Prophet

Prophet

Prophet

Soldato
Joined
5 Oct 2004
Posts
7,395
Location
Notts
I need to rant and there's nobody at work worth a damn so I'm gonna post here !

Throughout my life I do everything and anything to help people out. However I rarely get any thanks etc.

Todays example is this..

My mate who is majorly into his home cinema wanted a new sub woofer as his current sub was knackered. I had a £500 (when new) sub that I hardly used so I offered it to him for £150 or one of his 'good' AV Amps (he's got loads as he's always upgrading) So the deal was done and I delivered the sub about 2 months ago. I was in no rush for the amp as I'm not ready, however last night he offers me the amp in question, so I take it off his hands and go home. At this point I should point out that I had another buyer for the sub @ £150 but my mate wanted it so I fobbed the other guy off. Moving on.. This morning I take a note of the model number so I can download a manual etc. To my horror I find that, yes its an OK amp, back in the day, but its only worth £50 second hand!

Yes I know I should say something but I really hate falling out with people, especially a mate a believes its a good deal for both of us (he's not trying to rip me off just doesnt appreciate the situation)

So now I'm left with a 5.1 amp with only one optical connection (I need 2) and no money to put towards a newer model or only about £50 if I sell it!

I'm always getting done, mainly because I generally give stuff away.... I don't want to be a arse about things but always feel like I'm loosing out whenever I trade etc.

Sorry for the rant guys
 
You have to be more of a tight arse with your things, Make sure you get people to pay as many pennies as possible.

That way they wont push you around and give you stuff that is cheaper because it cant happen.

should have asked for 150quid plus the Amp in exchange for the sub IMO.
 
If you don't like being "walked all over" stop being such a door mat!

Start standing up for yourself, learn to say no on occasion and realise that mates won't hate you just because you have done these things.

Tell your mate of the problem, you don't need to get nasty but you do need to be straight with him and say you need to even things out because as it stands - you've been ripped off (whether he meant to do it or not!) :p
 
yeah you need to stop being a doormat - its not your job to make evrybody else feel happy, you have to be selfish and and put yourself first - ironically, people will respect and like you more if you do.
 
chrissyb1981 said:
being nice gets you nowhere!! i found that out the hard way too.

give your mate a slap for abusing your good nature. put him in his place ;)
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i like this one. /\

Can we keep him everyone?
 
Virdi said:
Just tell your mate - That you've changed your mind and get your sub back.
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And tell him if he tries to con you again when you are doing him the bigger favour that he can go **** himself.
 
Thanks for all the replies guys :)

I think my main problem is I always trade or do favours then say don't worry about paying/trading now then leave it too long before I act. This then makes me feel bad for some reason!!!

I'm going to take payment as soon as the deal is done in future. I've lost count of the times I've not been paid due to my own stupid fault.

I need to toughen up a lot.

I'll have a word with him next time I see him (weekend) and let him know how I feel.

Thanks again :)
 
To be honest its your fault for not checking the prices first. I suppose it depends whether the guy intentionally con'd you or not. There is nothing wrong with being nice to friends, just sometimes you got to say no. Alternatively you could just make friends with one that you can trust not to con you :p
 
The chances of him not knowing that the amp is only worth £50 is pretty slim. If he's into his homecinemas, he'll know the sort of features it has and thus an approximate value. I'd just explain to him that now you have seen the amp in the flesh, it wasn't what you had in mind and would like to swap it back.

It must be pretty rubbish if it's worth £50 (what model is it). Even my £250 when new Marantz SR4300 is still worth around £100 now.
 
Abyss said:
The chances of him not knowing that the amp is only worth £50 is pretty slim. If he's into his homecinemas, he'll know the sort of features it has and thus an approximate value. I'd just explain to him that now you have seen the amp in the flesh, it wasn't what you had in mind and would like to swap it back.

It must be pretty rubbish if it's worth £50 (what model is it). Even my £250 when new Marantz SR4300 is still worth around £100 now.
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Its a Yamaha 5540RDS. The reason for knowing the price is that I checked a home cinema forum and £50-£60 was the going rate :(

TBH he always pays over the top for his gear so probably thought it was still worth quite a lot!

Its also only got on optical connection and I need atleast 2 so I'm going to tell him its no good both on price and features.
 
Good on you, let us know how it goes. I used to be taken for a mug until one day I snapped and it hasn't happened since. This guy does not have any characteristics that would suggest that he's a friend to you, he knows you are a soft target and he got the better deal with the swap. Don't try and please everyone because a) it's not possible b) you're the one who ends up in the ****.

Good luck again. :)
 
not to sound like a complete ass, but unless its close family and friends, if i have nothing to gain from something, i'll generally not do it.

stop being the nice guy, the only thing it will get you is being taken advantage of
 
Linoge said:
Good on you, let us know how it goes. I used to be taken for a mug until one day I snapped and it hasn't happened since. This guy does not have any characteristics that would suggest that he's a friend to you, he knows you are a soft target and he got the better deal with the swap. Don't try and please everyone because a) it's not possible b) you're the one who ends up in the ****.

Good luck again. :)
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Thanks mate :)

Funny thing is he's one of my oldest and best mate. I think he probably takes my generosity/good nature/whatever you want to call it for granted, so as people have said above, its as much my fault for letting it happen.
 
daztrouk said:
not to sound like a complete ass, but unless its close family and friends, if i have nothing to gain from something, i'll generally not do it.

stop being the nice guy, the only thing it will get you is being taken advantage of
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I'm starting to come round to your school of thought!

I was asked to fix someone's pc (as a favour) I went to look at it and sorted it out in about 30 minutes. The guy (mid 50's, first computer, no knowledge etc) then stuffed it up and asked me to come back again.

The first time was a favour for a mate, so after this I said I'd have to charge because its user error (spyware, dodgy sites etc) When I fixed it the second time, taking about 3 hours (reload, printer, scanner, camera, ADSL modem, windows update and a quick "don't do this again lesson) he gave me £10 a 4 cans are Stella!!! Totally my fault for not sorting out an hourly rate/price before hand!!

Reason for posting the above is so it reminds me of how stupid I've been in the past. I WILL change, I have to!
 
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