Work in progress...

[Garp]

A friend of mine sent me some poetry/prose that she was wandering about putting to music some way but was drawing up blanks, so I've given it a rough shot. I've really got to get a decent mic for recording, this cheapo thing is horrific.

New song, Its very much in early stages I guess, a verses or two could possibly do with either ditching or turning into a bridge to give the song a bit more shape, at the moment it feels a little long and samey. The chorus I'm not so happy with its something I ad-libbed, but she likes it.
Anyone got any other critiques?

 

[Matblack]

OT: turn your MSN on

MB

 

[cleanbluesky]

The chorus I'm not so happy with its something I ad-libbed, but she likes it.
Anyone got any other critiques?

Yes, the chorus (as far as I can tell) is only a 2x speed equivalent of the verse - there needs to be a little bit more build up in the bridge and then something very different (the special part) in the chorus...

 

[Garp]

Yes, the chorus (as far as I can tell) is only a 2x speed equivalent of the verse - there needs to be a little bit more build up in the bridge and then something very different (the special part) in the chorus...

Yeah.. the chorus is most definately weak, its just something I adlibbed as I went along, feeling the need for something to fill the gap. Its first on my list for replacing

 

[Sic]

whatever happened to that last one you posted? you said it wasn't going to go anywhere but i thought it had loads of potential. did you ever finish it? was quite a while ago now.

i'll check this one out when i have speakers

 

[Garp]

whatever happened to that last one you posted? you said it wasn't going to go anywhere but i thought it had loads of potential. did you ever finish it? was quite a while ago now.

i'll check this one out when i have speakers

This one? 6ft Deep

Pretty much complete. Done it a few times at the pub and had good responses to it. Still gets changed slightly each time I sing it, but thats artistic licence