Worst date ever - the thread you really wanted

Cleisthenes · 2 Jun 2016 at 13:36

I think pics of 4T5 when a teenager are required

ivrytwr3 · 2 Jun 2016 at 13:36

Took girl to movies ( I now realize not the best location for first dates)
She asks "can my best friend come too?" (there goes my chances basically) I say of course you can! (trying to be nice, was also assuming it was going to be a girl).
Shows up with her friend, who is indeed a guy. This is when I find out that its her one and only ex, but they remained best friends and nothing is happening between them. (well this date is ruined, lets try to salvage it)
Go to pay for our tickets (me and her), even when she offered to pay for hers. After buying, she turns around and buys her exes ticket.....
We actually got along fine and they were nice people, but it was like a tug of war for the rest of the night fighting for her attention, of course I lose, they are best friends.
When I get home the guy adds me on facebook, and he proceeds to tell me don't bother trying to date her, she's a terrible girlfriend. (Thanks for the heads up)
I finally got her alone for one more movie, but it all just sort of fell apart, I actually really liked her, but clearly I had no effect on her. Oh well I guess.

I once browsed Craigslist for a date. On page 3 or so there was a shot of a cute girl's face, the ad read something like "doesn't anyone believe in true love anymore?" Brief description talking about wanting a soulmate to take care of her, a little clingy but not unusual stuff to hear.

Further scrolling yielded more pictures, clarifying that she really did want someone to take care of her. She was in a wheelchair that she steered with a straw.
I was too sad to browse for any more dates.

Yaayuh! · 2 Jun 2016 at 13:39

GD - Hello Magazine edition.

4T5 · 2 Jun 2016 at 13:39

drs101 said:

I've test rode my share of easy riders off dating sites & have a few safety clauses built into my methods.

tom_e · 2 Jun 2016 at 13:40

drs101 said:
I once went on a semi blind date with a girl on the coast, I live in London, we had spoken on skype and she was lovely looking, jumped on a train and she met me at the station.

She gets out of the car and she about 20 stone, i'm thinking **** you hid that well, so had a stroll along the beach front, got her a bag of chips and made my excuses and jumped on the train back to london, lesson learned.

It's worrying (and also seriously impressive) how well they can hide the fact they looking nothing like the pictures they want you to see until you do a little digging and find the ones where they're not trying to look like someone else :eek:

CyZMyAssBaby · 2 Jun 2016 at 13:46

4T5 said:
I've test rode my share of easy riders off dating sites & have a few safety clauses built into my methods.

sheer class

Post of the year ^

tom_e · 2 Jun 2016 at 13:48

4T5 needs to write this book he spoke about many moons ago!

Hades · 2 Jun 2016 at 13:48

4T5 said:
I've test rode my share of easy riders off dating sites & have a few safety clauses built into my methods.

Sig is appropriate!

Cosimo · 2 Jun 2016 at 13:48

I can see the follow-up thread... "How To Satisfy On Your First Date"

Cleisthenes · 2 Jun 2016 at 13:49

Hades said:
Sig is appropriate!

LOL

drs101 · 2 Jun 2016 at 13:54

tom_e said:
It's worrying (and also seriously impressive) how well they can hide the fact they looking nothing like the pictures they want you to see until you do a little digging and find the ones where they're not trying to look like someone else

she was lovely looking just very wide from the neck down :eek:

Rilot · 2 Jun 2016 at 14:09

Two come to mind.

The first was a woman who would only talk about her teeth and how much dental work she was having. Every time I tried to steer the conversation in another direction she would always bring it back to her teeth.

The second was a woman who's opening gambit at dinner was to tell me how much she hated sex and that she would never want to have sex with me or anyone else under any circumstances.

RaohNS · 2 Jun 2016 at 14:14

glen8 said:
RaohNS is actually correct. I've made a woman orgasm just from kissing before.
It's unusual, but possible.

Of course, have you managed it from the rubbing hand then arm up the leg to butt cheek?

If so don't psycho women orgasm that way and should be avoided. That's free advice. Not all orgasms have to be genital contact. Pressing in a certain way, touching sensitive areas, breathing on them in particular places doing particular things to help add mood and then finish with something. Still works now

drs101 · 2 Jun 2016 at 14:15

this is starting to get weird ^

RaohNS · 2 Jun 2016 at 14:15

Rilot said:
Two come to mind.

The first was a woman who would only talk about her teeth and how much dental work she was having. Every time I tried to steer the conversation in another direction she would always bring it back to her teeth.

The second was a woman who's opening gambit at dinner was to tell me how much she hated sex and that she would never want to have sex with me or anyone else under any circumstances.

Did the second one spot you pulling up in your car?

glenimp617 · 2 Jun 2016 at 14:18

Acme said:
I guess it depends where you're kissing.

ivrytwr3 · 2 Jun 2016 at 14:22

First date. The girl started lighting matches, would put them out with her fingers, then eat the burnt matchstick head.

TL;DR Dated Satan

SteelCityColt · 2 Jun 2016 at 14:25

Rilot said:
Two come to mind.

The first was a woman who would only talk about her teeth and how much dental work she was having. Every time I tried to steer the conversation in another direction she would always bring it back to her teeth.

The second was a woman who's opening gambit at dinner was to tell me how much she hated sex and that she would never want to have sex with me or anyone else under any circumstances.

272b82c92c10ec2d9bde7406edb3077811b29ef205a7c5432a51f77c0665f840.jpg

shifty_uk · 2 Jun 2016 at 14:42

On a second date with a girl in Glasgow, out for a few drinks, ended up in some 80's club, she started being all bunny out of the blue asking why I wasn't replying to her texts fast enough day to day etc...even though every time I went to the bar she started flirting with other guys...

Anyway, got a taxi back to 'her flat' only for her to open the front door and say "****, my Dad must be staying here, my parents must've had an argument"... To this day I do not know why but after some very minor convincing, I followed her into the bedroom despite thinking 'this doesn't look like a 20-something year old uni students flat. We were both too hammered for anything of any substance to happen so no high fives there...

Morning arrives and we're woken by the sound of a hoover and her parents talking in the hallway... Before her mum proceeded to walk into the room to pick up her dirty laundry... My head was swiftly under the covers, still as a rock, hoping it was a dream... Her mum leaves the room without a word.

Start chatting and I'm like "how the **** am I going to get out of here alive?"... I was told not to worry, they normally go out on a Sunday... It was nearly 2pm before they went out... Pretty sure I set new records for amount of alcohol in my bladder for that length of time, the pain was unreal.

They went out, I emptied my bladder, spewed in her bathroom and sharply left. Got bunny boiler'esque dogs abuse over the coming weeks for ignoring her text messages but she soon disappeared.

/The End.

V F · 2 Jun 2016 at 15:08

4T5 said:
Another time I had arranged to met some Doris down south so we met up & she wanted to head in to town & show me around her manor. She was one of those women that have to hold your hand & drag you in & out of all the womens shops so I told her I was going to pop back into a Blokes shop whilst she went in her womans shop & Ran Away.

Lol! I had thought of the Two and a Half Men, Lucy Lawless episode.

ivrytwr3 said:
First date. The girl started lighting matches, would put them out with her fingers, then eat the burnt matchstick head.

TL;DR Dated Satan

Click to expand...

shifty_uk said:
On a second date with a girl in Glasgow, out for a few drinks, ended up in some 80's club, she started being all bunny out of the blue asking why I wasn't replying to her texts fast enough day to day etc...even though every time I went to the bar she started flirting with other guys...

Anyway, got a taxi back to 'her flat' only for her to open the front door and say "****, my Dad must be staying here, my parents must've had an argument"... To this day I do not know why but after some very minor convincing, I followed her into the bedroom despite thinking 'this doesn't look like a 20-something year old uni students flat. We were both too hammered for anything of any substance to happen so no high fives there...

Morning arrives and we're woken by the sound of a hoover and her parents talking in the hallway... Before her mum proceeded to walk into the room to pick up her dirty laundry... My head was swiftly under the covers, still as a rock, hoping it was a dream... Her mum leaves the room without a word.

Start chatting and I'm like "how the **** am I going to get out of here alive?"... I was told not to worry, they normally go out on a Sunday... It was nearly 2pm before they went out... Pretty sure I set new records for amount of alcohol in my bladder for that length of time, the pain was unreal.

They went out, I emptied my bladder, spewed in her bathroom and sharply left. Got bunny boiler'esque dogs abuse over the coming weeks for ignoring her text messages but she soon disappeared.

/The End.

Lol!