WTF quotes from other forums

Caporegime
Joined
29 Aug 2007
Posts
28,765
Location
Auckland
You probably know the routine : you're on a different forum, browsing away when BLAM! you read something that just makes you lose it. Today, for me, it was this :

EVERY MORNING I WAKE UP AND OPEN PALM SLAM A VHS INTO THE SLOT. ITS CHRONICLES OF RIDDICK AND RIGHT THEN AND THERE I START DOING THE MOVES ALONGSIDE WITH THE MAIN CHARACTER, RIDDICK. I DO EVERY MOVE AND I DO EVERY MOVE HARD. MAKIN WHOOSHING SOUNDS WHEN I SLAM DOWN SOME NECRO ******** OR EVEN WHEN I MESS UP TECHNIQUE. NOT MANY CAN SAY THEY ESCAPED THE GALAXYS MOST DANGEROUS PRISON. I CAN. I SAY IT AND I SAY IT OUTLOUD EVERYDAY TO PEOPLE IN MY COLLEGE CLASS AND ALL THEY DO IS PROVE PEOPLE IN COLLEGE CLASS CAN STILL BE IMMATURE JEKRS. AND IVE LEARNED ALL THE LINES AND IVE LEARNED HOW TO MAKE MYSELF AND MY APARTMENT LESS LONELY BY SHOUTING EM ALL. 2 HOURS INCLUDING WIND DOWN EVERY MORNIng

What you got, GD?


e : Does anyone have any amusing or just outright WTF quotes from other internet forums they wish to share with the residents of GD?
 
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Some great entries!

Got to get home. Don't want to get into it but it involves a direct family member and possible cancer. But, the home terminal is in Birmingham which is about to get buried in ice, so we are holding in LA until tomorrow for a home load. Sorry about all the drama.

Welcome to our new drivers! As much as I Bitch about it, you can say that it is a job unlike any other. My name is Bruiser, and I will tell you about everyone in the thread...

Interceptor v8 drives out west and looks like the brawny man. Not the current brawny man but the mustachioed gay brawny man. He drives an internatonal pro star and is the daddy of the thread. Thread daddy. Mmmmmmm.

9axle drives in the east and either hauls houses or tankers full of maple syrup. I think he's Canadian. He's been driving for 52 years.

Nutcup is my favorite person. No matter how down I get, he is always there with a hearty handshake and kind words. His hobbies include checkers and the NYT crossword puzzles. He is like the other thread daddy.... two thread daddies... sometimes I hear them

There's a guy with a kenworth avatar who is a student at Nashville Auto Diesel College.

Also, someone here has a subaru av or something and I tell you what, I ****ing buy American and I don't support that **** you k.ow what I mean. I mean gilt ****, I'm out hers busting my ****in ass for my family and here's this guy this ****in guy trying to tell me how it is man, and I don't ****ing cotton to that. ****. and here we ****ing are, right here with my Dick hanging out of the bottom of my silk athletic shorts trying. To eat my ****ing chopped steak here at the TA. It's **** good.HO HEAR ME, IT'S ****ING GOOD. AND NOW MY GODDAMN BOWELS ARE A SHUCKIN AND A JIVIN AND LOOK AT ME! YOU WATCH ME. YOU WATCH ME **** MYSELF WHILE I EAT THIS CHOPPED STEAK AND BROWN GRAVY. IT'S THE GODDAMN OUROBOROS. look. Feel my ancient Indian spirit flow. Look upon my shame and know god. Look.

His silk athletic shorts :( WHAT HAPPENED HERE? :eek: Also, an ancient Indian spirit appears to be flowing?

mind = blown
 
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Some guy debating the best contraception methods :

I've been considering asking my girlfriend to stop taking birth control altogether, as the hormonal contraceptives seem to seriously destabilize her mood. We would probably resort to a cocktail of the rhythm method (preventative) and terminations(reactive), but before suggesting this I'd like some hard facts on the physiological effects of terminations.

Will a 4-6 week pregnancy preceding termination have any long-term psychological effects?
Will multiple abortions have any effect on her ability to bear children in the future?

Ideally I could get a non-hormonal risug injection and skip this whole conundrum, but this isn't a perfect world so we have to make do with what's available to us.

:eek:


On how to dump your girlfriend :

I've got a plan, but it takes 3 days to come to fruition.

On the first day, get a can of beans. Label them, "Jumping beans." When she comes over eat them, and then jump around the room like a maniac, laughing and shouting.

On the second day, get another can of beans. Label them, "Dancing beans." When she comes over eat them, and then dance around the room. Maybe do a little salsa or the electric slide.

On the final day, get another can of beans. Label them, "You no longer satisfy me as a woman and a person beans" When she comes over eat them, staring wordlessly at her with a dead, blank expression on your face.

:cool:


On why rape is ok!

1. As punisment for a false accusation of rape in which the punishment has already been meted out.

Suppose Heather has a crush on Dick, a man with suitably Freudian moniker. Heather hits on Dick, but Dick takes no notice of her. In reality, Dick wants nothing to do with Heather. Heather, after realizing this, plots revenge. She goes to a bar and lies to the tough guys there "I was raped! Dick did it!"

The mob, riled up, surrounds Dick and beats him to death, despite Dick's pleas. They leave, while Heather examines the corpse. Unbeknownst to her, a big black man was watching the entire ordeal, from the accusation to the beating.

"I saw what you did," says the black man, "and now you're gonna get what's coming to you". It would be that man's moral right to rape the living **** out of that worthless ****.

Alternatively, suppose after the beating, Dick gets back up, but the hemmoraging in his brain leaves him only five minutes to live. Dick too would have the right to rape her within the remaining timeframe of his life. Since he was punished for a crime he didn't do, he might as well commit it.


2. As retribution for a previously committed rape.

Suppose there's this really dorky kid. Every day a hot bombshell of a babe torments him in school. Rubbing up against him, grabbig his ***** and ****, saying she wants him. This drives him to the point of lustful insanity, and he wants no more of it.

The kid, eager to get revenge, enlists the help of a friend. The friend will be on the lookout, while he makes his move.

The girl comes in and starts harassing him.

"Come on baby, I want that hot **** up my *****." she says.

"You're wish is my comand, ma'am" replies the kid, as he physically throws himself upon his assailant, assailing her in return. He presses up against her, copping a feel, rubbing. When he has satisfied himself, he stops, much to the horror of the girl.

This too is an act of justifiable rape. It is akin to a kidnapped victim strangling his kidnapper with the very ropes used to tie him up. This also happened in real life. I was the friend who did the lookout.


3. As punishment for a revealing form of dress.

Suppose there's this girl, let's call her Sarah. Sarah lives a rotten lifestyle. She swears at her parents, drinks, does drugs, goes to parties, and gets messed up. Worst of all, she dresses like a total ****, but only lets popular guys **** her.

One day at a party full of drugged up scumbags, she passes out on the sofa. A scumbag teenager takes advantage of her. While the act of raping her would be wrong, considering the lifestyle she leads, it would also serve as a wake up call to her as well as her getting her just deserts. Therefore, in a sense, raping her would be justified.


4. As a last recourse to save the human race from extinction.

There is a nuclear war. The survivors are divided into two groups. 10,000 men, and 10,000 nuns (alternatively, 10,000 militant man-hating lesbians). The only way to save the human race is through the act of vaginal intercourse. But there's a catch. the nuns/lesbians do not want to have sex. And they are adamant.

Therefore, to save the human race, the only viable option would be for the 10,000 men to rape the 10,000 women, preferably tying them down so that multiple children could be administered.

Though a woman's sexual and reproductive rights are sacred, they pale in comparison to the survival to the human race.

There aren't enough :eek: 's to describe that ...
 

My thread ...

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