WTF quotes from other forums

[FnG]magnolia

[FnG]magnolia

[FnG]magnolia

Caporegime
Joined
29 Aug 2007
Posts
28,763
Location
Auckland
You probably know the routine : you're on a different forum, browsing away when BLAM! you read something that just makes you lose it. Today, for me, it was this :

EVERY MORNING I WAKE UP AND OPEN PALM SLAM A VHS INTO THE SLOT. ITS CHRONICLES OF RIDDICK AND RIGHT THEN AND THERE I START DOING THE MOVES ALONGSIDE WITH THE MAIN CHARACTER, RIDDICK. I DO EVERY MOVE AND I DO EVERY MOVE HARD. MAKIN WHOOSHING SOUNDS WHEN I SLAM DOWN SOME NECRO ******** OR EVEN WHEN I MESS UP TECHNIQUE. NOT MANY CAN SAY THEY ESCAPED THE GALAXYS MOST DANGEROUS PRISON. I CAN. I SAY IT AND I SAY IT OUTLOUD EVERYDAY TO PEOPLE IN MY COLLEGE CLASS AND ALL THEY DO IS PROVE PEOPLE IN COLLEGE CLASS CAN STILL BE IMMATURE JEKRS. AND IVE LEARNED ALL THE LINES AND IVE LEARNED HOW TO MAKE MYSELF AND MY APARTMENT LESS LONELY BY SHOUTING EM ALL. 2 HOURS INCLUDING WIND DOWN EVERY MORNIng
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What you got, GD?


e : Does anyone have any amusing or just outright WTF quotes from other internet forums they wish to share with the residents of GD?
 
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Castiel said:
I'm confused, what are you asking for?
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I think he's asking what other funny things people have said on other forums.

This from what I can gather can either be things that make you angry or make you laugh.

I'd suggest people keep it on the funny side. :)

That guy doing the Riddick routine must have been a right nut job but I bet he's happy with himself haha
 
i think this one has to be one of the best: clicky

or, for those of you too lazy to click, here's the quote, from a forum about jeeps:


mkPopcorn:
So, my boyfriend bought a '96 Cherokee (XJ) SE, for way too much, like around $3,000. It broke down and he has put another $2,500 in it and totally rebuilt the engine and did a lot of after market work on it. He has and will do all the labor himself, he refuses to pay for labor. Now, he finds out that the motor needs to be taken back out and fixed again and is looking at another $700. I said he should just sell it and wipe his hands clean, he says he won't make enough.

Firstly, what is your guys' opinion on what he should do? Secondly, how much do you think he could make parting it versus just the whole car as is?

Thanks for your guys' opinions!
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reply from wgirvine:

You want my opinion? Ok…

Shut the hell up. You’re not his wife. You’re not paying for the repairs. It’s absolutely none of your business what he does with his Jeep or his money. I know your type well… first it’s “Sell the Jeep because it’s costing too much money.” Then it’s “No, you can’t go spend the weekend with your buddies because I need you to take me shopping.” Then it’s “Oh gee, honey… I’m pregnant. Gosh, I have no idea how that happened.”

You’re a DreamKiller. You kill a guy’s dreams, take away his future, tie him down with a fat mortgage and too many babies, and turn him into just another miserable guy wondering, “How the hell did I get here?”

Do you really want to help him? Here’s what you do… go to your local library (it’s a big building with books inside) and check out a couple of books on rebuilding engines. Read them, over and over, until YOU understand what needs to be done. Then help him get that engine out and rebuild it. Tie your hair back in a ponytail, put on some old jeans and get your hands dirty. Hand him wrenches, hold the light, pull the wire connectors apart, help him get the hood off… help him with anything he needs. When he gets tired, run inside and make him a hot lunch or dinner. Fix him coffee, hot chocolate, whatever he wants. (But NO beer. Beer is for when the job is done.)

Then when the day is over and you’re both exhausted from working on the engine, push him into a hot shower and jump in with him. Scrub his back, wash his hair, rinse him off, and dry him with fluffy towels still hot from the dryer. Then push him into bed and screw his ears off. Then get up the next day and do it all over again.

Make him realize that rebuilding an engine is a slow and methodical process. Make him realize that every step should be regarded as surgery; every step must be perfect… perfect torque, perfect fit, perfectly clean. If you run into a step that you just can’t figure out, ask for help from someone who knows what he’s doing. Are you cute? Put on a low-cut top, show some cleavage and go (by yourself) to the local Jeep shop, and explain to the guys that you are helping your boyfriend to rebuild his engine and neither of you can figure out this one little step, and do they have any advice…

Think it won’t work? Think again. We guys love to help cute girls, even if they have a boyfriend. (Hey, maybe you’ve got a sister, or girlfriend…)

But absolutely DO NOT whine or complain. Do not say a single negative thing. Not a single “Oooooo, I broke a nail.” If you break a nail, or cut your finger, or bang a knuckle, you just shut up and DEAL WITH IT. You should be a hopelessly optomistic, never-say-die cheerleader, encouraging him every step of the way.

That’s my opinion.
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There's an old one somewhere of a Mother 'Helping' her Son with vigorous daily massage to 'Help' him with a bent penis... No idea which Forum it was but it was quite the 'Internet Sensation' at the time and a definite WTF candidate!! :p
 
Here's one I found with some good Engrish!

The title of the thread was called "Old school UFC Challenge (extremely hard)"

Quote: Originally Posted by glennrod Be warned, this is very tough. the challenge is to name these these old school UFC fighters. even the most chiseled of NHB fans would struggle naming these guys i,ll start with an easy one this one is a bit harder. all i will say on this is he is NOT a fighter now here are the REALLY hard ones it was a nasty fight

Quote: Originally Posted by miltonenrique You're really dump idiot, any this dude will murder you with one only, you are stupid as you get, you for sure have not accomplish not the 1% they have, otherwise you would respect them. I guess or you are too young or you are just a silly *****, not a single real fight in your life does you. To can speak so garbage about them you have to be a mma figher. otherwise shut the **** up. Your only a barking pet! go and hide behid somebody else stupid idiot.
 
doofer said:
There's an old one somewhere of a Mother 'Helping' her Son with vigorous daily massage to 'Help' him with a bent penis... No idea which Forum it was but it was quite the 'Internet Sensation' at the time and a definite WTF candidate!! :p
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Haha, I remember reading that somewhere, cant quite remember where though :D
 
bledd. said:
Google..

"bodybuilding forum pee bottles"

Funniest post I've ever read

Not really forum friendly
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edit: ms paint pics removed for the sake of the children :p


epic.

although to be fair everything is fully stared out in his post :p
 
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Link: "Do I have to let someone in to use my toilet?"
stojio said:
I let a stranger into my flat. He came to my door desperate for the toilet and, being the nice person i am, I have let him in. Problem is this was an hour ago and he's been in there since then, stinking the place up.

I shouted through the door to see if he was ok and he said to leave him alone he was on the toilet *which he clearly is*. I replied that this is my bloody flat and I was trying to do him a favour and he is now saying that I had no choice and by law I had to let him in.

Short of phoning the police over such a stupid matter, what do i do?

*****

he is running a bath!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! should i call the police or is it my own fault for inviting him in?

*****

i told him i was going to phone the cops, and get someone down to beat the crap out of him, and he just shouted that he's having a bath and leaving. he doesnt sound angry, just quite adamant. im sitting in the next room and i can hear him splashing about.

*****

laugh away, crazy though. I'm a peaceful person by nature, didn't phone the cops, my mate hasn't got here yet. I just panicked a bit.

Anyway the guy just left...he came out and asked for a glass of water, which he said wasn't cold enough! and looked at me for about three seconds. He just handed it back, thanked me and left. I wondered if he was taking drugs in there or something...he's just left skidmarks in the toilet and bubbles in the bath and used my towel.

Thank god hes gone!!! just locked my door now.

edit. he also told me that the glass of water was a legal right.

*****

thanks folks.

i've learned my lesson now. i just wasnt thinking properly. he's totally gone from the area. and i didn't feel threatened exactly so why not let him in to use the toilet and have a bath and a glass of water eh?? i hope he'll pass on my kindness.

would i have been within my rights to refuse to let him use the toilet and also that i had to give him a glass of water?

*****

he seemed completely sober. i don't think i'll tell my girlfriend about this, she'll go mental.

edit - why would i throw away the glass, it's just another person? anyway he only took a small sip, i'll just wash it as normal...?

the towel will go on a boil wash, it was the girlfriend's towel. i'm going to bed...this has freaked me out a bit.
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Not sure if this was posted here before or not.
 
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