I dont like it to be honest, some things I would change
Low Poly Section -
Show your best low poly model, models stick them on a rotating turntable so the viewer can so it from all angles, show wires so viewer can see topology.
Show some close up views.
High Poly -
Again show your best models on a rotating turntable , need to see wires and fully textured model, Show some close up views.
Textures -
Show a wire model then show the stages of the textures you have created, show your bump map, normal maps etc.
Environments -
I would show a wire frame then fully texured model then do a fly through each with some close ups.
An idea could be show a car model in wire rotating with closeups then show it textured then follow with ingame video.
Dont like the music would use something less well known.
Im no expert but thats the way a lot of people do there 3d demoreels, I'll see if I can find some good ones for reference. Also you should say what software was used.