Internet Dating.....Who Has Done it?!

[bainbridge]

So I'm back on POF after seeing someone for 16mths but it didn't work out. Surprise surprise half the women on there are the same ones using the same pictures Some of them actually contain the time/date stamp of 2010 or whatever

It's been nearly a week and I haven't started messaging yet, just looking. Of course I've had the obligatory fat old mampys trying their luck with their blanket messages like: "Hi, fancy a chat?" or "nice profile ".

Yesterday I was deleting pics off my phone and came across a picture of me taken at a wedding earlier this year which my ex had put up on facebook (i'm not a facebooker, though I do have an account). Now, she kept showing me people's comments on this picture saying things like "your bloke is good looking" etc so I decided to use this as my main profile pic. I had numerous "want to meet you" notifications that evening and when I awoke this morning I'd had about half a dozen messages. Admittedly they were nearly all from fat walruses but a couple were from younger, prettier, but still rather chunky girls.

So over the next couple of weeks I'm going to tweak the text, then cast out the dragnet and begin the filtering out process. Quite excited to be getting back on the dating scene as the last 16mths have been frankly rather flat. Plenty of bedroom action but no real spark, thinking back I'm surprised we kept things going as long as we did. Sort of like a job you aren't really happy with but feel obliged to turn up to.

So anyway I'm sure they'll be lots of fruitcakes, I'll be rejected, reject others and so on but at 37 I've got lots of experience to draw upon and am much more confident and happier in my own skin than I was as a young man so looking forward to it all

 

[MaxP779]

Credit for effort but needs some changes in my opinion.

Pics are poor. Girls generally don't seem to like a selfie, have you got some pics out with mates or something? If not, do new pics but make it a less obvious selfie.

Profile wise I think you decribe yourself in too much of a masculine way. Drop the references to power rack etc, just say you like keeping fit or weight training. Doubt girls are interested in the details there.

I'd probably drop the whole walnut sandwich thing.

Generally I find a relatively short profile works well with some specific interests. I don't want to post mine but it is set out like this.



Try and build some fun in to the text, the odd joke or two but don't force it.

I have also included a lot of interests as it too is a good way to open up conversation. Bands I like, TV shows, food, sports, comedians etc. Be specific so people can identify common interests.

Personally I think your profile just needs to show you are relatively normal, have some good interests and hopefully that you're quite funny. Don't write your profile with the intention of receiving emails. Write it with the intention of getting replies to your emails. In the main, it's the guys job to email the girls so the emails are the most important part. The profile just needs to show you are interesting enough to talk to.

It is still quite difficult to get 'good' dates in my experience but you just need to persevere and don't get disheartened. If you're only looking for one person it might take a bit of time to find them. Good luck!

Righto, ive taken out the bits you mention and ill likely have a bash at a bit of a rewrite at some point.

Ill see if i can dig out a few pics with other people in them as well.

 

[Street]

Well I was hoping last night would sway the girl I've been seeing into making a decision on how she feels about me but I'm still none the wiser.. Why can't women make their minds up! The date seemed to go really well though, we get on great, she loved the meal and the wheel, lots of kissing etc. We've been seeing each other for 5 weeks now and she certainly acts like shes interested.. Guess I'll just have to keep seeing her and not pressure her, it's just annoying being in limbo!

 

[MisChief]

Well I was hoping last night would sway the girl I've been seeing into making a decision on how she feels about me but I'm still none the wiser.. Why can't women make their minds up! The date seemed to go really well though, we get on great, she loved the meal and the wheel, lots of kissing etc. We've been seeing each other for 5 weeks now and she certainly acts like shes interested.. Guess I'll just have to keep seeing her and not pressure her, it's just annoying being in limbo!

Did you ask her how she feels about you, or are you just waiting for her to say something?

 

[firehawk]

thats women for ya... take you for a ride.

 

[Street]

Did you ask her how she feels about you, or are you just waiting for her to say something?

I told her how I felt, and she said "I don't quite know how I feel yet. You are lovely though." Felt like a bit of a kick in the teeth really.

 

[MisChief]

I told her how I felt, and she said "I don't quite know how I feel yet. You are lovely though." Felt like a bit of a kick in the teeth really.

You can't really sway or make her decide on how she really feels about you unfortunately. She's either feeling it or she's not feeling it. Sounds like she's not feeling it and is using you for the time being until the 'right' bloke comes along.

You should continue seeing other people if you're not doing that already.

 

[Street]

Yeh, thats kind of what I figured. It's just she says that but the way she acts with me makes me think she is interested! I'll carry on seeing her but I'll try not to get too involved until she makes a decision one way or the other.

 

[trickycurve]

I'm in a similar situation. Slightly more complicated because she's Jewish and she's always said she wants to marry a Jew, but I think she's fallen for me. I asked her out near the climax of our evening last night, and she got all emotionally confused. I think she *wants* to see me, but feels that she can't. We probably won't see each other again, but it's a shame two people so compatible and into each other can't be together for the sake of some religious views. Her brother, sisters and mum aren't even that bothered if she sees a non-Jew (her siblings aren't even that religious), but her dad's the other way. She feels that she has some sort of moral obligation to continue the Jewish line.

I have a date lined up for Tuesday, though, so it's not all doom and gloom

 

[Nix]

Stop hanging onto maybes, it's a sure-fire way for you to hurt yourself.

Don't waste any more time on her. Let it go now, leave her where she is and move on.

 

[Nix]

I'm in a similar situation. Slightly more complicated because she's Jewish and she's always said she wants to marry a Jew, but I think she's fallen for me. I asked her out near the climax of our evening last night, and she got all emotionally confused. I think she *wants* to see me, but feels that she can't. We probably won't see each other again, but it's a shame two people so compatible and into each other can't be together for the sake of some religious views. Her brother, sisters and mum aren't even that bothered if she sees a non-Jew (her siblings aren't even that religious), but her dad's the other way. She feels that she has some sort of moral obligation to continue the Jewish line.

I have a date lined up for Tuesday, though, so it's not all doom and gloom

Knock her up, job done.

 

[Sinny]

I'm in a similar situation. Slightly more complicated because she's Jewish and she's always said she wants to marry a Jew, but I think she's fallen for me. I asked her out near the climax of our evening last night, and she got all emotionally confused. I think she *wants* to see me, but feels that she can't. We probably won't see each other again, but it's a shame two people so compatible and into each other can't be together for the sake of some religious views. Her brother, sisters and mum aren't even that bothered if she sees a non-Jew (her siblings aren't even that religious), but her dad's the other way. She feels that she has some sort of moral obligation to continue the Jewish line.

I have a date lined up for Tuesday, though, so it's not all doom and gloom

You asked her out while smashing pasties?

 

[scotty365]

You asked her out while smashing pasties?

I thought the same thing...

 

[trickycurve]

Bad choice of words?

I must admit I read it the same way but couldn't be bothered to change it. We were just in Hyde Park being all cozy etc.

Anyway, we've talked about things this afternoon and decided it's best not to continue anything romantically.

 

[Doraku]

Sure, judge/rate/tear it apart:

http://www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=56539079

I think my pics suck and that's probably it. Any opinions chaps?

Avoid bedroom pictures, especially when your room is such a state. You should show that you are active and wearing a shirt helps a lot.

 

[The Funktopus]

Socially awkward man-child seeks advice from OCUK Dating hive-mind.

In essence, it's been a while since I've been on the dating scene, for one reason or another such as career changes, personal issues etc. having to take precedence. As a result it's been literally years since I've found myself in this situation, only that in the intervening years, the white & blue nemesis, Facebook is now a factor.

Anyway, enough of that loose-brained rambling, and onto the situation at hand.

Saturday was a night out for a friend's 30th birthday. During the course of the evening I was introduced to another friend of hers, who was frankly, lovely. We ended up spending at least an hour or so just talking over a few drinks, and we seemed to be getting along just fine. But as the night moved on we ended up going into a rather overcrowded club, and everybody ended up getting separated, and making their own ways home. It was at this point, after arriving home around 4.45am and still in a state of merriment somewhat, that I decided to send her a friend request.

I woke up the next morning and gave serious thought to cancelling it, thinking I was being way too forward, but much to my surprise, she'd not only accepted it, but also sent me a nice message along the lines of "Hi, sorry I bailed last night but I lost everyone and felt a little unwell. It was nice to meet you though*Generic smiley face*" So, I've replied saying pretty much the same thing, and telling her it was a pleasure meeting her, and we've left it there.

Now here's my dilemma. What do?

a.) Nut up, and send her a further message later this week along the lines of "Hi, it was nice chatting to you on Saturday, but the music made talking a bit of a pain really. I was hoping we could get to know each other better, so to that end, I was hoping if you're free sometime we could perhaps meet up in town for a chat over coffee or some lunch at some point?"

or b.) Taking a step back, and taking the time to see if I can sound out our mutual friend, to see if she's mentioned me at all and if I'm not barking up the wrong tree. After all, this mutual friend of ours did mention before this night out that I should meet this friend of hers, but on the other hand, I'm nearly 30 and this approach does feel, well, a bit juvenile frankly.

I'll be honest, I am rather rusty, and as a result, crap at reading between the lines, especially with the likes of Facebook where things like body language, tone of voice, facial expression etc. are taken out of the equation. But perhaps I am also over-thinking things, unduly hesitating, and that the a.) approach is probably the best as it's clear cut, tells her that I like her and takes the doubt and nuance out of the situation. But, b.) could also be beneficial in giving me some reassurance to take that step to asking her out.

So, minions of the OCUK hive-mind, watdo?

Cheers!

 

[FatFishMonster]

Socially awkward man-child seeks advice from OCUK Dating hive-mind.

In essence, it's been a while since I've been on the dating scene, for one reason or another such as career changes, personal issues etc. having to take precedence. As a result it's been literally years since I've found myself in this situation, only that in the intervening years, the white & blue nemesis, Facebook is now a factor.

Anyway, enough of that loose-brained rambling, and onto the situation at hand.

Saturday was a night out for a friend's 30th birthday. During the course of the evening I was introduced to another friend of hers, who was frankly, lovely. We ended up spending at least an hour or so just talking over a few drinks, and we seemed to be getting along just fine. But as the night moved on we ended up going into a rather overcrowded club, and everybody ended up getting separated, and making their own ways home. It was at this point, after arriving home around 4.45am and still in a state of merriment somewhat, that I decided to send her a friend request.

I woke up the next morning and gave serious thought to cancelling it, thinking I was being way too forward, but much to my surprise, she'd not only accepted it, but also sent me a nice message along the lines of "Hi, sorry I bailed last night but I lost everyone and felt a little unwell. It was nice to meet you though*Generic smiley face*" So, I've replied saying pretty much the same thing, and telling her it was a pleasure meeting her, and we've left it there.

Now here's my dilemma. What do?

a.) Nut up, and send her a further message later this week along the lines of "Hi, it was nice chatting to you on Saturday, but the music made talking a bit of a pain really. I was hoping we could get to know each other better, so to that end, I was hoping if you're free sometime we could perhaps meet up in town for a chat over coffee or some lunch at some point?"

or b.) Taking a step back, and taking the time to see if I can sound out our mutual friend, to see if she's mentioned me at all and if I'm not barking up the wrong tree. After all, this mutual friend of ours did mention before this night out that I should meet this friend of hers, but on the other hand, I'm nearly 30 and this approach does feel, well, a bit juvenile frankly.

I'll be honest, I am rather rusty, and as a result, crap at reading between the lines, especially with the likes of Facebook where things like body language, tone of voice, facial expression etc. are taken out of the equation. But perhaps I am also over-thinking things, unduly hesitating, and that the a.) approach is probably the best as it's clear cut, tells her that I like her and takes the doubt and nuance out of the situation. But, b.) could also be beneficial in giving me some reassurance to take that step to asking her out.

So, minions of the OCUK hive-mind, watdo?

Cheers!

From the perspective of a 20 year old who also struggles with dating!
i would send her the message really, i also think waiting to speak to the mutual friend is a bit juvenile, its the way people went about dating in teenage years (in my experience).
but if i were you, id send the message, or start up a very brief conversation over Facebook (only form of contact as im assuming you didn't get her number) then build it into the conversation later on.
that's how id play it.
the worst she will say is no and you might make a friend who you might be able to ask out again at a later date
you've got nothing to loose!
nothing ventured is nothing gained!

 

[Jester*]

If you don't ask you won't get. I say go for it, obviously don't bombard her with messages but just asking like you put above is spot on.

You have nothing to lose

 

[Stolly]

If you don't ask you won't get. I say go for it, obviously don't bombard her with messages but just asking like you put above is spot on.

You have nothing to lose

Yep. same. Do it or forever wonder "what if ?"

 

[xGBHxPegasus]

Yep. same. Do it or forever wonder "what if ?"

Worst she can say is no