Yes for myself I can make peace with it and have been fine up till now really. It's the thought of bringing another person into the world. How do you justify it other than for selfish motives?
**The Mental Health Thread**
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Yes for myself I can make peace with it and have been fine up till now really. It's the thought of bringing another person into the world. How do you justify it other than for selfish motives?
Soldato
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Well thats why i won’t have kids and fortunately my gf doesn’t want them either.
I find it very odd that this is never discussed like anywhere ever. People with children always think if you don't have them it's because you want to lead a selfish life all about you. It's almost impossible to explain it's for exactly the opposite reason! For anyone with children your explanation would be found quite offensive. So when asked you end up giving some vague answer.
Associate
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Bringing up kids is a vocation. I have tonnes of respect for those who choose not to have kids.
It's much more preferable to those people who pop out kids all over the place and don't have the capacity to bring them up properly.
It's much more preferable to those people who pop out kids all over the place and don't have the capacity to bring them up properly.
Exactly my rationale too. Unfortunately it makes dating and relationships all the more difficult, especially in your 30s when women are into the 'body clock ticking' phase...
Don't get me wrong, I love having a kid, we'd always planned for it and it's happened around the time we expected. What I wasn't prepared for was how much it would change my emotional state. I go from massive highs when spending time with him and playing with him and just something as simple as him smiling at me. Then an hour or so later i'm on the verge of tears for no apparent reason.
I've woken up 3 times this week and called the doctors when they opened to get an appointment, i've hung up each time. I follow the thought in my head to what i'm going to say when I go in and go blank, followed by me hanging up before getting through.
I've reduced my drinking a lot lately...more through prompting by my wife, not my choice and I do miss it but it's getting easier the longer I don't drink.
Again i've rambled and unsure if i've said what I meant to. It's funny how easy it is putting my thoughts on here compared to having this conversation with my wife a few days ago.
Soldato
This is an interesting thread for me because I've never been able to explain it well to someone who isn't a psychiatrist or working in mental health. Because of a sub arachnoid haemorrhage I suffered 9 years ago my personality changed completely to the point I lost most of my friends and the support I had through the physical injuries slowly went away. Some of it is my fault, others circumstance and the rest just life. I try not to hold grudges but I've had to learn about my head injury alone essentially. I've made a lot of mistakes which will hopefully not come back to bite me but I've tried to learn from each one. I can go a week without seeing anyone except the odd close friend outside of university/work colleagues. I have to have something to give me purpose and focus on because I've spent years 'drifting' through life lost with people saying "it's ok, he had a head injury" rather than addressing any issues or giving advice. Physical injuries = doddle, a walk in the park breaking 3 limbs, 2 joints and about 15 bones. Brain injury = nightmare! I lost count the amount of times I wanted to end it because it would be easier. The only thing keeping me here is that others can suffer far worse and I want to try to help change 1 person's life if nothing else. So I'm at university now studying Physiotherapy and I can honestly say the goal will be superb but the journey will be incredibly tough! Although one lecturer did advise I see a support group because of my head injury which at the time I dismissed but it might be helpful.
That's my tuppence worth. I guess I also have a minor OCD as some things I let slide but others have to be organised in a suitable way for me as a learner i.e. I have 1 separate folder and writing pad for each area at university. But I have empty cardboard boxes and a push-bike in my lounge.... Go figure as that could just be a single man thing lol.
Thanks for listening. I very much doubt I will contribute much but I can try to pass on experience.
That's my tuppence worth. I guess I also have a minor OCD as some things I let slide but others have to be organised in a suitable way for me as a learner i.e. I have 1 separate folder and writing pad for each area at university. But I have empty cardboard boxes and a push-bike in my lounge.... Go figure as that could just be a single man thing lol.
Thanks for listening. I very much doubt I will contribute much but I can try to pass on experience.
I hope you don't mind me asking but can you remember the "old" you? Or is it only through what others have said that you realise your personality has changed? This must be very difficult and a bit like finding yourself in somebody else body.
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Associate
I'm so glad people are talking.
When this started for me back in 2009 no one spoke about it, now my work is very open and there is great support.
I have anxiety and depression. I can go a while without a serious attack of it and then BAM I'm totally out of it for a few weeks. No sleep, not eating, panic, doom, shaking, mind racing with irrational thoughts. I then have to rebuild myself and confidence but it's always there in the back of my mind.
Always feeling depressed even though I have a good job, healthy son, house car and all that but something feels missing. I battled to get off the anti depressant seroxat which made everything worse (sometimes I suspect its caused most of this. I'm stuck on another medication for now. I've just started paying for therapy with the aim of it being long term to help with issues although I am very attracted to my therapist. Around 15 dates this year and I fancy none of them but then it had to be my therapist.
Everyday I can't make decisions, I ruminate on stupid stuff (scratches etc) I beat myself up, artwork isn't good enough. I feel drained.
Ended a relationship 6 months ago and it's really triggered the worst of the symptoms.
Manchester is dreary, can't move due to my son being in the North west. I need sun and a view. Moved near the peak district for now so at least there is nature.
Yoga, climbing, relax, eat, walking and camping in the hills, nature, mindfulness, film, art, therapy speak to my support is how I'm trying to cope.
Luckily with all of this I'm quite confident and sociable while seeing the humor in my madness sometimes. I'm very thankful for that as it means I have people around me which in turn is one of my main fears, losing people.
I see myself in what people have shared, we aren't alone.
When this started for me back in 2009 no one spoke about it, now my work is very open and there is great support.
I have anxiety and depression. I can go a while without a serious attack of it and then BAM I'm totally out of it for a few weeks. No sleep, not eating, panic, doom, shaking, mind racing with irrational thoughts. I then have to rebuild myself and confidence but it's always there in the back of my mind.
Always feeling depressed even though I have a good job, healthy son, house car and all that but something feels missing. I battled to get off the anti depressant seroxat which made everything worse (sometimes I suspect its caused most of this. I'm stuck on another medication for now. I've just started paying for therapy with the aim of it being long term to help with issues although I am very attracted to my therapist. Around 15 dates this year and I fancy none of them but then it had to be my therapist.
Everyday I can't make decisions, I ruminate on stupid stuff (scratches etc) I beat myself up, artwork isn't good enough. I feel drained.
Ended a relationship 6 months ago and it's really triggered the worst of the symptoms.
Manchester is dreary, can't move due to my son being in the North west. I need sun and a view. Moved near the peak district for now so at least there is nature.
Yoga, climbing, relax, eat, walking and camping in the hills, nature, mindfulness, film, art, therapy speak to my support is how I'm trying to cope.
Luckily with all of this I'm quite confident and sociable while seeing the humor in my madness sometimes. I'm very thankful for that as it means I have people around me which in turn is one of my main fears, losing people.
I see myself in what people have shared, we aren't alone.
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Biggest problem with mental health is so many just sit and suffer in silence. Even those who you wouldn't expect. And it can be the worst around Christmas times and holidays etc. When families are opening up gifts and sharing time with each other, another is on his /her own opening up their wrists, because they never talked to anyone due to fear of being ridiculed.
It is really sad and I think the more awareness of mental health the better. Its not just all about medication that GP's and clinics etc seem all too willing to throw down your throat. Its also about understanding, talking and support from the general public and that in itself would help so many thousands suffering talk and hopefully by getting it out in the open feel better and not do anything silly to themselves.
My sister is bipolar. And one week she is happy, the next week she is sitting in the corner and the whole world hates her and all she will do is cry and fell so low. If she hadn't had told anyone close to her or her family we wouldn't know what to do, but as she has took that brave step and spoken up , at least when she feels low we don't judge her. And her close friends can support, not interfere or tell her to get on with it - just go round and sit with her and show her she isn't alone.
It is really sad and I think the more awareness of mental health the better. Its not just all about medication that GP's and clinics etc seem all too willing to throw down your throat. Its also about understanding, talking and support from the general public and that in itself would help so many thousands suffering talk and hopefully by getting it out in the open feel better and not do anything silly to themselves.
My sister is bipolar. And one week she is happy, the next week she is sitting in the corner and the whole world hates her and all she will do is cry and fell so low. If she hadn't had told anyone close to her or her family we wouldn't know what to do, but as she has took that brave step and spoken up , at least when she feels low we don't judge her. And her close friends can support, not interfere or tell her to get on with it - just go round and sit with her and show her she isn't alone.
Soldato
I don't mind at all. The trouble is I suffered memory loss and so I couldn't remember dating an amazing girl or my job from the past 12 months. I only had 'feelings' about things and didn't know why I had them. People have told me I was selfish and unhealthy but from what I've lost it must have been pretty amazing as I had a fun group of friends etc.
The odd thing is I remember things as though I know they happened but I have no feeling about it. Like school etc - I know I went and I knew people but I couldn't tell you if it was fantastic. It has caused so many issues because I have unintentionally hurt a few people without realising until weeks later when I've learned why. I know now but it was difficult making the mistake as that probably contributed to my 'alone time'.
I've raised lots of money for Scope and the Air Ambulance and Cystic Fibrosis charities etc but I can't help feeling bad about mistakes I've made and will always try to recompense for them. It turns out I'm now a very messy perfectionist as well.....
I'm a bit of an odd duck.
Soldato
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Personally, I don't think it does. It can help though.
Materialistic things for the short term can make you happy, once it wears off it is the same again. I think, accepting, and figuring yourself out will make you happier overall.
Indeed. It certain is a short term fix, just like any sort of intoxicant or bad lifestyle choice.
Focus on the problem and a long term fix, not a short term solution
it does up to a point then the effect seems to disappear, well depending how you frame it, you could equally say that lack of money often leads to unhappiness which is the same thing in a glass half full/half empty kind of way
IIRC it is up to 70k or so per year that people will tend to see increased happiness with increased income
Soldato
It buys you more opportunities as talent can only take you so far and those impaired are at more of a disadvantage especially if it's an invisible illness. Also you accumulate more 'friends'.
Soldato
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It doesn't buy happiness.... but having no money can sure as hell buy a lot of unhappiness.
The girl that I was trying to be with had serious issues with money. She even lied about having millions of pounds even though she lived in benefits in a council flat. She flet I think that if she believed she had money others would too, and help her, it was all very sad. She offered to give me 10K , and even asked for my bank details, to humour her I did, and I think the transfer she said she'd done failed around 10 or more times? It wasn't real, she was really really ill.
The best one was when she told me she'd purchased a BMW M3 car brand new... How I don't know but said if I look after her and be with her, the car would be delivered to me, again lies. She just felt money or the status of money was her salvation. It was really sad. At times, it was really wrong of her to make promises of money to so many in her life and never give it.
She even told me she'd given 100K to a friend - when I asked the friend, he was shocked, and said he'd never got as much as £10 out of her. Mental illness is not joke. Her anxiety and depression was so bad, she turned to lies to try and overcome her problems. I do think she might have had other illness like bipolar or personality disorder. She would be one person one day, next I didn't even know who she was.
Money can buy you things, some of those things can make you happy but it's usually short lived. When you have earned/made significant money it brings added stress as you know what it's like, you like it, but you then have to keep up and that is when stress can turn to depression, anxiety and deadness.