**The Mental Health Thread**

[redeye]

How's everyone doing? I'm really struggling at moment. My anxiety has hit me hard, I would normally talk to my mate (girl) about it but we had a massive fallout which has killed me emotionally.

It's never easy to try and cope with Anxiety, let alone when someone who has pretty much acted as someone to talk openly to is suddenly not available. Do you have anyone else support wise you can reach out to?

I find that when my Anxiety comes back round I have to really force myself to get up and move around else I just implode in on myself and I very easily get in the vicious cycle of thoughts, body feelings. So for me that means getting out of the house, going for a walk, doing some gardening.. whatever. When it's really bad it's horrible to force myself, since my symptoms go crazy once I'm at the door.. but once I'm out I feel a lot better and if I do that a couple of times in a week it makes a massive difference. Doing something that you have to concentrate on for that moment, instead of any thoughts about the future or past is VERY important and is what helps a big difference.

 

[brightside229]

Not been doing great the last 2 or so months, i have been single for 5 years, ex girlfriend of 8 years left me for a girl and came out as lesbian. That hit me quite hard.

Finally met a girl who i have been dating for the last 3 months or so, but in these 3 months she would love bomb me for 2 weeks or so and then break up with me and then maybe 1-4 weeks later apologize and come back to love bombing me, this has happeend 3 times now.

Anyway i really like this girl and it has taken its mental tole on me quite hard, this 3rd time she has done it. 2 days after breaking up for the 3rd time i woke up with what i would call extreme panic attack and anxiety at 4am in the morning, literally could not sit still, tried to watch tv and it made it worse, literally anything i thought about or did to make it better made me feel worse, it lasted until around 9am. One of the worst things i have experienced in my life.

I am still not right now, and i see her quite often at the gym, broke up last thursday and i assume it is over? But she has messaged me this morning saying she hopes i have a good day... who knows but it is literally breaking me mentally and it is all i can think about.

For context, i have no one i can talk to about this, or any real friends. All i do is Work, Gym, eat and sleep.

Its gotten to the point i have been seriously considering ending it, if it was not for the fact i have animals that need me, i would most likely would have which is quite scary to think about.

 

[LuckyBenski]

I am still not right now, and i see her quite often at the gym, broke up last thursday and i assume it is over? But she has messaged me this morning saying she hopes i have a good day... who knows but it is literally breaking me mentally and it is all i can think about.

Honestly, for your own benefit, I'd be the person to say it's over, and take charge. It's harming you TBH.

 

[brightside229]

Honestly, for your own benefit, I'd be the person to say it's over, and take charge. It's harming you TBH.

I wish i could, but i am all alone and after all this time she is all i "had" and after being shown love for the first time in a long time i was so happy, but to have it taken away again so randomly and unexpectly multiple times it is really messing me up. I am not ugly, and extremly fit, but the issue is i am an extreme introvert so i have it hard to speak to people i do not know.

 

[Ayahuasca]

Your mental health will never improve if you keep letting her take you for a ride.

Extreme introvert or not, you don't pander to people like that and it's naive to think she loves you.

If you haven't already, I'd probably talk to a GP, as in just a few posts you've highlighted some traits that are common in people on the autism spectrum i.e. difficulty talking to people in person, obsessive thoughts leading to meltdowns, naive about other people's intentions.

 

[brightside229]

Your mental health will never improve if you keep letting her take you for a ride.

Extreme introvert or not, you don't pander to people like that and it's naive to think she loves you.

If you haven't already, I'd probably talk to a GP, as in just a few posts you've highlighted some traits that are common in people on the autism spectrum i.e. difficulty talking to people in person, obsessive thoughts leading to meltdowns, naive about other people's intentions.

Im not ruling out being autistic, its possible i guess, but i can speak to people fine when i know them. But i have had a really hard childhood that has made me like this, and i do not usually have obsessive thoughts and usually i can read peoples intentions just fine.

But when someone is telling you they love you, you are the most important person in there life, constantly looking at you at the gym etc. She is literally obsessed about me and has remembered every single little detail about me, and i mean everything we have ever done said etc.

If anyone has autism i think it might actually be her lol

to add a little more clarity, there is a big age difference and her parents do not like it, only her mum knows but her dad does not, and each time we have broken up it is because her mum has had a go at her about it and threatened her.

Its not an ideal age gap, but obviously it is completely "legal" and she is old enough to make her own choices.

 

[meh?]

It's never easy to try and cope with Anxiety, let alone when someone who has pretty much acted as someone to talk openly to is suddenly not available. Do you have anyone else support wise you can reach out to?

I find that when my Anxiety comes back round I have to really force myself to get up and move around else I just implode in on myself and I very easily get in the vicious cycle of thoughts, body feelings. So for me that means getting out of the house, going for a walk, doing some gardening.. whatever. When it's really bad it's horrible to force myself, since my symptoms go crazy once I'm at the door.. but once I'm out I feel a lot better and if I do that a couple of times in a week it makes a massive difference. Doing something that you have to concentrate on for that moment, instead of any thoughts about the future or past is VERY important and is what helps a big difference.

No not really, she was / is the only one who really understands me. I will be ok tho

 

[Ayahuasca]

to add a little more clarity, there is a big age difference and her parents do not like it, only her mum knows but her dad does not, and each time we have broken up it is because her mum has had a go at her about it and threatened her.

Its not an ideal age gap, but obviously it is completely "legal" and she is old enough to make her own choices.

I think this raises more questions. I suppose you're a middle-aged man and she's in her late teens or early twenties?

If so, you would hope you could be the more mature one and could walk away. Instead, it sounds like she's playing you like a fiddle, and every time she bails, it has a massive impact on your life.

You need to get to the stage where you're comfortable with yourself, because it sounds like all your self-worth depends on others if you're considering ending things over a girl you've known for 3 months.

The above may sound brutal, but you need honesty because it sounds like you don't have anyone else around to talk about this in person. Take the short-term hit before this drags on for many more months or even years. There's nothing to stop you blocking her, changing gyms and finding someone more on your level, whose parents don't still make relationship decisions for them.

 

[brightside229]

I think this raises more questions. I suppose you're a middle-aged man and she's in her late teens or early twenties?

If so, you would hope you could be the more mature one and could walk away. Instead, it sounds like she's playing you like a fiddle, and every time she bails, it has a massive impact on your life.

I do walk away, each time i have basically accepted it and and not contacted her again, i even blocked her but she had my mobile number and got in contact that way, i am not the one pursuing she is. But what i am doing wrong is actually allowing myself to be played by replying to her once she contacts me again. I really need to just rip the bandaide off and stop replying when she gets back in touch.

 

[brightside229]

So i went to the gym later last night, as she always goes at half 7, exact time as me. I decided i will go at 9pm to avoid her. She messaged me at 8pm asking how i was when she realised i was not there. I told her i do not want to be friends or have any further contact with her and that she will not see me at the gym again and that i would appreciate if she did not contact me again.

Honestly i feel like a weight has been lifted and i have taken control of myself again. Hopefully in the next 1-2 weeks i will feel even better to the point i do not think about it anymore.

 

[Beans on toast Dave]

I guess I'm struggling mentally again. I'm fitter than in ages and have lost nearly 2stone but my heads just not in the game at all. All I want to do is be in bed asleep and not wanting to face the world. I've kept contact with friends minamal and in nearly 2 weeks no one has contacted me to see if I'm OK and they know I not doing well. Is that wrong to expect them to?
It seems so one sided 90 percent of the time it's me who contacts people and if I don't friends fade away

 

[brightside229]

I guess I'm struggling mentally again. I'm fitter than in ages and have lost nearly 2stone but my heads just not in the game at all. All I want to do is be in bed asleep and not wanting to face the world. I've kept contact with friends minamal and in nearly 2 weeks no one has contacted me to see if I'm OK and they know I not doing well. Is that wrong to expect them to?
It seems so one sided 90 percent of the time it's me who contacts people and if I don't friends fade away

Its strange because people think that being fit or in shape would make you so much happier.

It does not, atleast for me. I have what most would consider there dream physique, but it has never made me any happier. Most people tell me that if they had my body they would be out with a different women every week and have so much confidence. I guess confidence comes from within and not what is always on the outside.

I feel as a man, if you are down or feeling depressed no one wants to know about it. It feels like you are a burden. Flip it to a women feeling down and it is the complete oposite and everyone rallies around to make sure they are ok.

I even see it with my sister, if she is feeling down she gets all the support of the family. I seem to just feel like i am annoying them.

 

[Vidar]

I guess I'm struggling mentally again. I'm fitter than in ages and have lost nearly 2stone but my heads just not in the game at all. All I want to do is be in bed asleep and not wanting to face the world. I've kept contact with friends minamal and in nearly 2 weeks no one has contacted me to see if I'm OK and they know I not doing well. Is that wrong to expect them to?
It seems so one sided 90 percent of the time it's me who contacts people and if I don't friends fade away

I know exactly how you are feeling mate, while I'm generally doing better than I used to I still really struggle with my mental health on a fairly regular basis. Being disabled and mostly housebound I get trapped in my own thoughts a lot. I've lost weight through diet, feel healthier in general etc but yeah...

I do my best to keep in touch with people, especially when I know they're going through something. But, whenever I just can't motivate myself to message people it's very rare that I hear from most people, unless they want something like tech support! My list of friends has dwindled and I don't get much opportunity to meet new people.

 

[Noxia]

I don't personally think it's strange to not magically feel better because of exercising. I think the issue is that people tout exercise as being this panacea for all things mental health which can set false expectations. Not saying it doesn't help, but I feel it's overstated somewhat.

 

[Bassmansam]

If i don't do some excercise for a day i will sleep worse and then feel groggy the next day. It definitely affects my wellbeing.

I wfh full time so i make sure to go for 2 walks a day or 1 long one, does the trick.

 

[Psymonkee]

Still here (just quietly lurking) and after 5/6 good days (depending on how you count it) I'm in a massive downswing again. More lack of energy than anything but obviously affects mood.