Stunned. Shocking personal news.

ALLI

ALLI

ALLI

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Lovely Wolver-ampton!
Sorry to write this down for all to see but I need to get some clarity back and I think seeing it in black and white will help.

My best mate rang me from hospital yesterday to drop a bombshell. He's got cancer, which has virtually wiped out his kidneys. The docs have given him about 4 weeks.

His sister was there so she knows. I was the second person he told. I'm just lost. I've known him for over 12 years. He's 30, a year younger than me.

Utterly devastated. Last night we were talking about the funeral and that he wants me to carry the coffin. How do you react to your best mate telling you that? I'm honoured, but in the same sense, bricking it - as I'm sure he is.

Again, sorry to hit everyone with this. I know I'm not such a big user on here as some people, but I know there's some intelligent mature people here, who might have had similar situations and understand where I'm coming from.

It's going to be a very strange few weeks to come.
 
:eek:

I had a very small cancer bombshell dropped on me by one of my uni mates, she told me that my flatmate from last year had cancer in his chest. When she told me I was shocked and gutted, as everyone knows what can happen, luckily for my mate it turns out it's removable/cureable and he's on the recovery path.

Really sorry to hear that mate, it's really not a nice thing to hear, but at the same time, at least he knows you two are close and told you second. :)

Not really sure what else to say...want to say more, but can't think of much.

InvG
 
I am sure you must feel very sad, and shocked. It will take time to sink in.

Right now, despite how you feel, you need to keep your feelings back. As difficult as it will be, act normal around your friend. He has told you because he obviously see's you as a good friend and can trust you. Spend as much time with him as possible, and do soem fun stuff together. You can grieve if/when he has gone. His funeral is not something he should have to think about/arrange but to just enjoy the time he has left.

People being told this news have lived on for years, so let's just hope he lives on. Stay strong for him.
 
Good grief, I couldn't imagine being told I only had a month to live at 30, that's just insane. Really sorry to hear that :(
 
That is terrible news. I can't begin to imagine what he is going through, and how hard it must be for you and his family to accept.

Have you got any plans for the coming weeks or is he having to stay in hospital?
How has he taken the news?
 
Thing is, he can't do much. The tumour is by his waste system so as much as he wants to go to the toilet, he's blocked. He's on laxatives to try and help, but the liquid morphine adds to the constipation. He's in screaming pain when he tries.

He wants me to get our mutual friends together for a party on Friday night. Man, is that going to be strange. How can we party with news like this? usually funerals are sudden things aren't they?

Unfortunately I have to work a late shift (at another hospital) today but the rest of my time is his. I think I need to work today to keep my mind from wandering. Last night i just sat on the sofa with a bottle of whiskey and a box of fags and rang round people telling the news. I didn't get any easier the more people I rang.

When people say that life is precious, you take it for granted. Now I understand when people say treat each day as if it was your last.

Thanks for all your kind words.


Mark
 
Sorry to hear that, I remember when i got told about my dad having it you just sorta feel numb,
Do everything you can and want to do now, and like others have said dont be sad untill after he has gone. Try to make sure that you have no regrets either, what i mean is just before my dad passed away he called for me and i didnt go over to his bedside mainly because i was scared. but its something that i wish i had have done, but theres nothing i can do about it now.
 
If I got that kind of news, it would probably be the first time I've cried in as long as I can remember.

Really sorry to hear it, seems to be some bad vibes in the air at the moment, thoughts for you and his family :(.
 
ScarySquirrel said:
That is terrible news. I can't begin to imagine what he is going through, and how hard it must be for you and his family to accept.

Have you got any plans for the coming weeks or is he having to stay in hospital?
How has he taken the news?
Click to expand...

He's going home today for a week or so, and then to a local hospice to live out his final days.
 
thats terrible news:(

the family carried my grandad's coffin when he was burried. it was a great honour. you will be scared of course, but you'll do your friend proud. make the most of what you have left.
 
There's never a good time to go, and regardless of it being 4 hours, 4 weeks or 4 years it's never long enough. I lost my mother to cancer she was 62 I was only 21 then.

She's collapsed one day out shopping and was taken in for routine checks at the local hospital. 6 weeks later she was gone, I was fortunate enough to be there by her side when she finally passed away but left the unenviable task of going downstairs ( we elected to care for her at home ) to tell my brothers and sister and other gathered family that she had gone.

It's a cliche that time heals but it's true, my eldest sone was only 3 so he barely remebers her and my youngest never got to meet her. I let them know that she was a wonderful warm loving person, and that she's not gone because I take her with me in spirit everywhere I go.

I do feel for you and you friend as I said there's never a good time nor enough time but I only hope he's led a happy life and has both loved and been loved equally. it will be so hard for all concerned but in time you'll enjoy rembering shared happiness in past times and smile. I'm not a religious person but I hope that his remaining time is the best it can be and that you as his friend can be strong for him and his family when they need you most. If you ever need to chat you can drop me an email and I'll hop on msn anytime.

Kieron
 
ALLI said:
He's going home today for a week or so, and then to a local hospice to live out his final days.
Click to expand...

Shocking news, sorry to hear it.

Does he have to go to a hospice? Would he not prefer / be able to be at home or out and about?
 
I'm so sorry to read that news, I dont know either of you but that news is tragic.

Be as strong as you can for him, it's all you can do really. Try not to be upset around him, and ask others to do the same, sounds harsh but it's for the best.

Your friend will want to be as strong for you as you can be for him.


The hospice's are nice places, very relaxed. There is lots of similar news around and the staff will do all they can for him and all of you. Keep in close contact with his sister, she will need most support long term.

Chin up mate, I've been in a similar situation. Stay positive.
 
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Mat said:
Shocking news, sorry to hear it.

Does he have to go to a hospice? Would he not prefer / be able to be at home or out and about?
Click to expand...

He didn't want to go at all, but as the day went on yesterday he came round to the idea that it's probably the best place to be. The local hopsice is very good and has been running here for many years, though it's not somewhere I've ever had to visit before, I'm sure they will be fantastic with him.
 
Really sorry to here that.

As others have said make the most of the time you have left.

I lost a friend at 21 to cancer (he'd beaten it once but it came back a couple of years later and was already everywhere when they found it they stopped counting at 21 tumours) he managed to live nearly a year after the news, he died 5 days before his one year mark which he was aiming for as a major milestone.

I found out last night my uncle has weeks to live too (he went in to have a tonsil out and they discovered cancer), the sad thing is he's not been in our lives for years (he and my Gran fell out over something) and he only turned up at my Grans funeral last year. Dad was so happy to have his brother back but it turns out only fleetingly.

Stay strong, no matter how hard it is and make the absolute most of your remaining time.
 
Sorry to hear that, like everyone says just try and make the time is got left the best it can be. Might sound a bit weird but hes not dead yet if you see what I mean
 
So Sorry to hear your news.

The Hospice would definitely be the best place for him to be. They are very good at doing what they do. A friend of mine is a hospice nurse and she like the rest of them are a very special breed of person. They will help not just your friend but you and his family as well. It's no coincidence that many people ask that people don't send flowers after a person has passed away but instead make a donation to the hospice/care charity that helped them through the last days.

Make sure that while all this is going on that you do not forget to look after yourself. It's to easy to forget to eat, drink too much, and not sleep. You will be no use if you become unwell. It's hard to do but always try to keep it in the back of your head.

My thoughts go to you, your friend and his family.
 
When I read things like this it makes me phone my wife and tell her that I love her or give my boy a hug.

A long lost workmate phoned me last year to tell me another guy who we'd done our apprenticeship with nearly 15 years ago had just died. After the funeral we had a night out to reflect but also to celebrate the fun we had when he was around.

He was 1 day younger than me....

Anyway be strong for your mate. My thoughts are with you and your mate this at this time.
 
Sorry to hear about your friend. The palliative care in this country is very good, he will be in good hands.

As said, be strong for him and his family during this time. And remember that it is a rare thing to find another person you can truly call a friend. I hope you remember him.:(
 
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